what I'm reading: the importance of sex from For Women Only

I'm reading a lot of books about sex at the moment! That's because I'm writing an article and seminar on sexual purity.

Last Friday, during my morning off, I read 4 chapters of Shuanti Feldhahn's For Women Only. It's a book which introduces women to the inner lives of men, and is based on hundreds of interviews and surveys, many with Christian men. It's an easy, enjoyable read - although sometimes confronting! - and would be great for a married women's discussion group.

For Women Only gets below the obvious surface differences between men and women to explore what this means in practice: what men wish (and often assume!) their wives understand about them, and how women can better love and care for their husbands. I went away with a renewed appreciation for my husband and the mysterious way his mind works, and with a renewed commitment to loving him in the way he needs.

To whet your appetite (for the book, I mean :) ) and give you some food for thought, here's what Shaunti Feldhahn says about sex.

For your husband, sex is more than just a physical need. Lack of sex is as emotionally serious to him as, say, his sudden silence would be to you, were he simply to stop communicating with you. It is just as wounding to him, just as much a legitimate grievance - and just as dangerous to your marriage ...

Although popular opinion portrays males as one giant sex gland with no emotions attached, that is the furthest thing from the truth. But because men don't tend to describe their sexual needs in emotional terms, we women may not realize that. ...

I believe that most of us aren't manipulatively withholding something we know is critical to our husband's sense of well-being. ... I suspect we simply don't realize the emotional consequences of our response (or lack of one) and view his desire for sex more as a physical desire or even an insensitive demand. ...

Many men - even those with close friendships - seem to live with a deep sense of loneliness that is quite foreign to us ... And making love is the purest salve for that loneliness. ... Your desire is a bedrock form of support that gives him power to face the rest of his daily life with a sense of confidence and well-being. ...

A man can't just turn off the physical and emotional importance of sex, which is why its lack can be compared to the emotional pain you'd feel if your husband simply stopped talking to you.