from the archives: school holidays

School holidays have just started in Victoria. In most other Australian states, they're starting on Friday. There'll be a few posts from the archives during the next two weeks, mixed in with some new posts.

I thought this might be a good time to reprise part of this post, which I wrote at the end of the summer break. We were all sick, so it wasn't a great holiday, and by the end I was desperate for change! I'm reminding myself - as much as you! - about what makes a good school holiday.

I've already made sure we're having more routine and less screen time, and the kids have lots of activities planned with friends. I'm exhausted, so I'm not sure the other activity ideas will happen - apart from some time with family at Easter! You might have some other ideas for school holidays. Anyhow, here's what I wrote:

Here's how I'd like to change things during our next school holidays:

• less screen time. I realised near the end of the holidays that the kids were grumpy partly because they were having too much TV and computer time. During term time, I limit their screen time to 30 minutes a day. But during the school holidays, screen time gradually crept up, leaving grumpy bored children in its wake.
• more planned activities. My children generally get along well, inventing games and playing happily together, so I'm happy to let them fill the hours enjoying each other's company. (Don't misunderstand me, there's plenty of times things don't run so smoothly in our house!) I don't normally need to come up with holiday amusements, so perhaps I've become a little lazy.
• extend the kids' learning. I've bought books like Hands-On Science, full of experiments for my science-loving son, and Teaching Art With Books Kids Love, full of art activities for my craft-loving daughter, but we rarely have time for them. The school holidays would be a wonderful chance to do these together.
• maintain daily routines. During holidays, it's easy to let the usual daily routines slip: Bible reading, piano lessons, breakfast together. It's good to take time away from normal routines to rest and relax, but a bit more structure in the day would help prevent the loose-endish holiday blues.
• keep doing the good stuff. There are lots of things I want to keep doing, like day trips, time with grandparents, and spending individual time with each of my children.

I've just found some excellent suggestions for school holidays on the internet, so it might be time to do some browsing!

Any other ideas or suggestions?

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the common garden ...

"What's that?" I say, pointing to the snail in 2 year old Andrew's sticker book.

"That's a hand-on-the-head."

He helps me see ordinary things with new eyes.

Overcoming Fear, Worry and Anxiety: book review

The book that's encouraged me most deeply recently (apart from the Bible!) is Elyse Fitzpatrick's Overcoming Fear, Worry and Anxiety: Becoming a Woman of Faith and Confidence. I wanted to loan it to a friend, and I had no trouble gobbling it up in a single day.

It's not a long book, and it's very readable. Each chapter begins with stories of women who struggle with anxiety. You're bound to see yourself in some of them! It's comforting to know we're not alone, and to hear how God has helped people to overcome their worry and fear.

Section 1 the nature of fear
Elyse Fitzpatrick starts by talking about the physical nature of fear, and how it can lead to panic attacks. I was challenged when I realised that caffeine, sugar, and insufficient exercise and rest can feed into the vicious cycle of fear. There's a few changes to be made there!

Section 2 the source of your fears
What had the most profound impact on me was realising that there are "three primary causes of fear" (196):

• the desire to control
• the desire to please people
• the desire to be perfect

There they were, in black and white! I'm an expert in all three, so it's no wonder I sometimes struggle with discouragement and anxiety. I bought the book because of the chapter on perfectionism, but I found some of the other chapters even more helpful, particularly the one on people-pleasing.

It's hard to struggle with anxiety, depression, guilt or any difficult emotion over a long period of time: if you're human, I'm sure you know that! It's easy to run from the situation which is causing such pain. It's easy to start questioning whether God really is working in you, or whether you'll be stuck this way forever.

So it was so reassuring to read these words, and to realise that I can trust God to change me, in his own good timing, through the circumstances he's given me:

Think about the trials or difficulties that you are facing. … Is it possible that God has allowed these specific difficulties into your life to teach you of His goodness, of your inability to control events, and to set you free from your fears? … Could He free you from your fears? Yes. Will he free you? Yes, when it pleases Him to do so. In the meantime, He's using your fear to draw you to Himself and to change you. If you didn't struggle with these problems, you wouldn't see your need for Him. You see, God is interested in this change in you because He is going to be glorified because of it, and that's the goal of everything He does: His glory. (60, 133)

Section 3 - God's answers to your fears
Elyse Fitzpatrick's answer to worry, anxiety and fear is to unpack 4 themes in 4 chapters:

• God's sovereignty - God is in control, however hard it is to see this during times of suffering
• the fear of God - the fear of God is big enough to displace all smaller fears
• the opposite of fear: love - as we love others rather than giving in to fear, we overcome anxiety
• God's grace - God's grace sustains us and gives us confidence to change

I found the chapters on the fear of God and love the most helpful. It seems to me that no human fear can possibly stand before the combined power of these two!

Only the fear of God is big enough to drive out all other fears: not a slavish fear, that cringes from God, but a childlike fear, that delights in his awesome majesty and runs to him in love and trust.

We might be scared to leave the house, or sit through church, or talk to a stranger, or lead a Bible study. Only as we dare to trust God and act in obedience, even when our hearts are pounding and we have a tight band of anxiety around our chest, will we overcome our fears.

As we reach out to others in love, even when we're afraid, we'll discover that love is stronger than fear. Our love for others will become greater than our fear of their disapproval and our worry about them loving us.

I found myself praying that my fear of God and my love for others will become bigger than my fears, so that I will love friends who don't know God by joyfully sharing the hope I have in Jesus. I'm also trying to pray for, rather than worry about, those whose opinions and criticisms I fear.

Two days ago, I prayed with some good friends. We talked about how it's a battle - every single day! for all of us! - to let go of our fears and to trust God. Every day, we battle to depend on faith rather than feeling. Every day, we struggle to do the things that are hard for us, trusting God to give us the strength we need. Every day, we fight to believe that God is bigger than our fears, and that he is working in us by his grace according to his perfect timing.

If you struggle with fear, worry or anxiety, I encourage you to read this helpful book.

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going to work with Daddy

I'm going to work with Daddy because one day I might be doing the same work he does. I will be the leader of a family too one day, and I need to learn how. That's what Ben told his Sunday School teacher the other evening.

It's not always easy for boys to know what goes on in their Daddy's lives. Often, Mummy is there all the time: cleaning, cooking, picking them up from school and dropping them off at sport. But what does Daddy do? Does he sit in front of the TV all day? After all, that's what he does for an hour every evening when he comes home tired from work.

So we've made a deliberate decision to encourage our boys to spend time with their Dad at work.

Last Tuesday, Ben skipped school (he was very upset about that, as you can imagine) and took the train into town with Steve, where he sat through several meetings as his Daddy taught uni students about Jesus. He was privileged to hear The Backyard Bard give a one-man performance of the entire gospel of Luke, which made it an extra learning experience!

On the weekend Ben went to work with Daddy again, this time to a student camp, while I stayed home with the other kids to help Lizzy recover from school camp. Ben read books and played his Nintendo DS, clambered over lots of patient male students, and heard his Daddy teach the Bible.

He's already offering advice to Steve. He said before the camp, I've heard you're doing some talks on the Song of Songs. If I had to do a talk on a book of the Bible, I probably wouldn't choose that one. But it should be interesting!

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Cathy on boys and chores

You might remember my question about chores a couple of weeks ago. Today I'd like to share one of the responses I received from Cathy, of The Best Book Co-op, about how she and her husband train their son. Here's what she says:

With our four year old boy, Winton, my husband spent a bit of time memorising various Proverbs with him about diligence vs. laziness. This has given us a "language" in our household for getting work done. Winton is really excited to have any opportunity to "do diligent hands". Even his pretend play has become about doing hard work.

Steve has also been really conscious of training him in masculinity. A big part of which is that hard work is a good thing that he was created for as one of God's image bearers.

Everyday there is positive talk about taking responsibility, working hard, protecting girls and people who are not as strong as he is, serving others etc. He is enjoying learning to be a man.

We have been trying to focus on a demeanour that welcomes hard work in lots of environments (including pack up at church - which is a favourite!), rather than a list of jobs.

We are going to start an allowance (after listening to a John Piper talk on money), not as a reward for doing jobs, but as training in stewardship.

As our family grows, I am sure it will become more structured.

I am looking forward to hearing what people say about training girls!!

I was particularly challenged by Cathy's encouragement to teach kids the why as well as the what of chores, and by her suggestions about training boys to care for women.

And I agree - I'd love to hear your ideas about training girls - or boys!

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Proverbs (5) the good path

I love to think of the Christian life as a path. I don't mean a vague "spiritual journey" -"You have your journey, I have mine" - but God's straight and narrow way (Matt 7:13-14), like the path of Christian in Pilgrim's Progress.

It's a path with steep hills to climb and deep valleys to traverse and lovely, still places beside quiet waters. It's a path with wrong turns into easier ways on either side. It's a path which leads to a golden city, our true home.

The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn,
shining ever brighter till the full light of day. (Prov 4:18)

How wonderful if life could be like that: an ever-brightening path to glory!

In Proverbs 2 & 4, we get to eavesdrop as a wise father tells his son how to live a life like that. He tells his son to keep to the good path, the "way of wisdom". Like a well-maintained highway, the good path is straight, level, firm and bright. If you walk here, you won't stumble, and you'll be protected and guarded from harm (2:9-11, 4:11-12, 18, 26).

Branching off to either side are two crooked paths (2:12-19). One is the the way of evil companions (2:12-15, 4:12-19), and the other the way of the adulterous or promiscuous woman (2:16-19). These paths look attractive, but the father's warning is clear: they end in disaster and death!

Why, out of all the possible crooked paths, does the father go on and on about these two? Nearly a third of Proverbs 1-9 is about the adulterous or promiscuous woman (2:16-19, 5, 6:20-7:27)! And evil companions aren't far behind (2:16-19, 5, 6:20-7:27). There's also a section on sluggards and assorted fools (6:1-19).

I guess it's because Proverbs was originally written for young men. The most dangerous decisions a young man can make are to join the wrong crowd (drugs, drunkeness, violence) and to engage in loose sexual relationships. Some young men become sluggards, lying around all day, sponging off their parents. We all know young men on these crooked paths.

What are the crooked paths for young women? A longing for romantic love lures many into a relationship with a non-Christian boyfriend. Others put their hope in the security of a nice house in a nice suburb with nice clothes and nice possessions. These are the ones our Bible study came up with - can you think of others?

So how do we stay on the "good path"? Thankfully, we're given very specific advice (4:23-27):

• above all else, guard your hearts - turn from the lies of the world to God's truth, and from sinful desires to valuing him as our highest treasure (1 Chron 29:18, Prov 4:20-21, Ps 119:11, Matt 6:21, 15:16-19)
• banish corrupt talk from your lips - keep a close watch on this most perilous of all body parts (Jam 3:1-12)
• fix your eyes straight ahead - fill your thoughts and affections with Jesus and heaven, rather than the pleasures of this world (Col 3:1-4, Heb 12:1-3)
• keep your feet on the straight path - refuse to stray to right or left, even for a moment, however great the temptation (Heb 12:7-13)

May we be those who keep to the good path!

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when Lizzy went to camp

"I wish Lizzy would go to camp so we can have jelly cups!" Lizzy was about to go away, and Thomas was looking forward to the treat I'd promised him. "So what do you like more, having Lizzy at home or having jelly cups?" "Jelly cups!"

Last Monday, early in the morning while it was still dark, I drove Lizzy to school for an 8 hour bus trip to Our Nation's Capital (doesn't sound quite the same in Australian, does it?!). She spent 5 days in Canberra on school camp this week. She's only 10, and it's the longest she's been away from home.

It was an exercise in trust for me.

Elizabeth was staying with 4 other girls in a motel room - locked, but opening to the outside. The room had a TV in it. The motel had no plans to supply her with gluten free food, so I had to send an esky full of food with her (I know more about gluten free convenience meals than I ever wanted to!).

I watched the bus driver push the old, battered green esky into a dark corner of the luggage bay with trepidation. (What if he doesn't remember to take it off at the other end? Will the chef provide her with gluten free food? Will the teacher who's supposed to make her meals take good care of her?)

I looked at her empty bed each night - actually, I stopped looking, since every time I saw her vacant room my heart fell with a jolt into my shoes - and hoped that she was safe. (What if something goes wrong during the night? What if she's wandering around in the dark looking for a teacher? What if there's an intruder?)

I felt nervous and on edge all week, my head brimming with questions. (Did I pack enough warm clothes? What if the girls watch something unsuitable on TV? What if she feels exhausted and achy like she so often does from her coeliac disease?)

"Where is she? I miss she. I want she at home." That was Thomas' perspective half way through the week.

On the school website there were cheery updates, reassuring photos of a warm and well-fed Lizzy, and a quote from "Elizabeth" (I found out later that it was invented by a teacher, and all she said was "it was okay"!) about the trip to Parliament House: "We were very lucky to have our Federal Member of Parliament take us on a guided tour. We went to the Speakers Office which was very exciting and then we walked past Kevin Rudd’s office". Ok, so it didn't tell me much, but it was something.

I prayed every day for physical, spiritual and emotional protection for Elizabeth.

But mostly, I reminded myself that when Elizabeth is away from us, she's not alone. We've been learning Psalm 23 together, so she took that away with her, tucked into her mind. She and I both know that the Good Shepherd is watching over her, through green pastures and dark valleys, filling her life with goodness and mercy.

One day there will be a much bigger separation: the day she leaves home. If she gets married, there will also be the day she puts her hand in her husband's, and leaves our family to start a new one. This was just a practice session.

On that day, I hope I can let her go with trust and joy, knowing that she is safe in the father hands of God.

Elizabeth had a fantastic time, and was safe, warm, and reasonably(!) well fed. The empty space in our house is full again, although she somehow seems taller than when she left, 5 days ago. And Thomas' final words? "I'm glad to have she home. I'm sad when she was away."

Spurgeon, Welch, Adams & Bridges speak about "the fear of the LORD"

You'll remember that on Monday, I began my definition of "the fear of the LORD" like this:

To fear the LORD is to submit to him as the one true God, with trust, love, worship, honour, service and obedience..

You might be wondering what all this has got to do with "fear", and fair enough. I'll try to answer that question soon.

In the meantime, I thought you might like to know that I'm not alone in defining "the fear of the LORD" like this. Here are some great theologians who say things along the same lines.

Dr. Jay Adams defines the fear of God as “loving and respectful obedience toward Him” (cited by Elyse Fitzpatrick in Overcoming Fear, Worry and Anxiety p. 145).

Charles Spurgeon says, in his sermon Godly fear and its godly consequences,

What is this fear of the Lord? The expression is used in Scripture for all true godliness. It is constantly the short way of expressing real faith, hope, love, holiness of living, and every grace which makes up true godliness.

Dr. Ed Welch, in his very helpful book When People are Big and God is Small, writes

This fear of the Lord means reverent submission that leads to obedience, and it is interchangeable with 'worship', 'rely on', 'trust', and 'hope in' (p. 19).

Like Spurgeon, he goes on to say lots about the attitude of "fear" - but we'll leave that until next week!

And Jerry Bridges, in a fantastic interview with Peter Hastie about The Fear of God which didn't quite make it into The Briefing, says:

Deuteronomy 10:12 links fear, love and obedience together. Moses says to the Israelites: “What does the Lord ask of you but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in all His ways, to love Him, and to serve the Lord with all your heart and with all your soul?” He brings those three terms—to fear God, to love Him and to serve Him all together in the one passage. And the way the terms are used, it's almost as though they are interchangeable expressions.

Jerry Bridges, by the way, wrote a whole wonderful book called The Joy of Fearing God. It's well worth reading if you want to know about "the fear of the LORD", or if you simply want a bigger, more awe-inspiring view of God.

dieting and gluttony (8) gluttony and selfishness

Okay, I already know this is going to be an excruciatingly embarrassing post to write. But since I face no temptation which "is not common to man" - and woman (1 Cor 10:13), you might find it helpful, so here goes.

Perfectionist that I am, growing in godliness easily turns into a self-improvement program for me. "The self-help program to end all self-help programs! Become a Christian! Suddenly, you won't just care about murder - you'll care about whether you have angry thoughts (Matt 5:21f )! All the more for you to work on!" It's bizarrely attractive to an introspective perfectionist like me.

One of the problems with this is that issues of godliness (gluttony? spending? pride?) become more about me, and less about love. I can spend hours peering into my guts, working out why I do things, trying to change the way I think and feel. Some of that is useful, some of it isn't. But it's easy for me to neglect "more important matters" like love, justice and mercy (Matt 23:23, Mk 12:33).

When I wrote my blog series on gluttony and dieting, I was fascinated by what I read about idolatry and self-control, because it fed into my self-absorption. But when I read about gluttony and how it destroys social relationships? Well, frankly, I was kind of bored by it, unless it was about me and my family.

Oh, dear. And I've only just begun.

***

A few weeks ago I became my own illustration of the link between gluttony and selfishness.

It was our monthly dinner night at church, when everyone brings food to share. I always try to take something gluten free for my husband and daughter, so I ordered two gluten free chickens from the local chicken shop. We arrived at church, and I started jointing them (one of the few cooking tasks I love, oddly!) and putting the pieces on a couple of plastic plates.

A man approached. I know he's a man in need, who comes to church for food as well as fellowship. To my shame, I actually moved my precious gluten free chickens away, so they wouldn't disappear before my family were fed. Yes, my family have special dietery needs, but a couple of pieces of chicken wouldn't have been missed.

How often our instantaneous actions reveal what's in our hearts! - in this case, favouritism and a lack of mercy (Jam 2:1-13).

***

It's time to eat. The food is laid enticingly on the tables. Actually, some of it is more enticing than others. There's a delicious looking curry: not much, that might go soon, better get some! Oh, look, garlic bread: better watch out, that always goes fast!

One thing about having kids (especially a 5 year old who's crying because he's tired, hungry, and he just fell over and hurt himself) is that you have a perfect excuse to go to the front of the queue (and believe me, this is a lo-o-ong queue, the kind you don't want to be at the end of when there's delicious food on offer).

I grab a plastic plate - a pile of plastic plates (I have a lot of kids) - and squeeze my way guiltily into the queue, hoping no-one notices, or that if they do, they think "Caring parent. Hungry kids." I load my kids' plates.

I load my plate. I get the last spoonful of that yummy looking curry, no matter that someone else might like some. Lasagne! How can I miss that? I know my plate is full, but I just have to try it!

I return to the table, less intent on feeding my kids than on my over-full plate. A friend is sitting at the table, but I'm less interested in encouraging her than in hoping she hasn't noticed how much I'm eating.

That night, I wake at 3 pm feeling nauseous, and lie awake for an hour wondering if I poisoned everyone. It turns out to be a nasty virus - nothing to do with the chickens. But it's pretty clearly something to do with God's fatherly discipline (Heb 12:7-11).

***

In the morning, to my horror, it dawns on me: I'm a Corinthian (1 Cor 11:17-34)! I wasn't drunk at a fellowship meal, but I did treat it as a chance to stuff my face rather than to encourage those who ate with me.

I prioritised protecting our family chicken(!) over caring for someone in real need. I put my own wants and greedy desires over the needs, wants and desires of others. And if I'm sick, like the Corinthians, perhaps it has something to do with my loveless greed.

The link between gluttony and selfishness suddenly becomes excruciatingly clear. When I'm concentrating on what I'm putting in my mouth, I'm not concentrating on encouraging others. Like a pig at the feeding trough, I'm guzzling down as much as I can, rather than making sure others' needs are being met.

***

Two weeks later, I'm at church again. It's supper-time.

Someone has brought some delicious Asian dumplings. I haven't had dinner, and I'm hungry. There are 4 dumplings left on the plate. I take 1 and eat it. I'm about to take another.

My needy friend approaches. The thought flashes through my mind: should I take a dumpling before he takes them all? This time, the instantaneous decision goes the other way. I watch, rejoicing, as he takes the last 3 dumplings and puts them on his plate.

Love before greed: it's a good feeling.

***

God doesn't change me so that I can feel better about myself. He doesn't change me so that I can become perfect within, a mirror for my own admiration. True change results in someone who's less self-absorbed, more self-forgetful, focussed on the needs of others. Change is not about self-improvement: it's about love.

Slowly but surely, right in step with God's program for change, I'm becoming more like Jesus: the One who loved good food, but who loved God and people more (Lk 7:34, Jn 2:1-11, Matt 4:1-11).

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the big picture

It occurred to me today - that's what happens when you write blog posts in a hurry! - that I left out an important step yesterday, when I told you how I prepare topical series.

You see, God's word isn't an encyclopedia (as I was reminded while I was reading Paul David Tripp's Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands today). You can't pick a topic, any topic, look up all the verses on it, and expect to find an instant answer. Some topics you won't even find in the Bible (career guidance? schizophrenia? home renovation?) so what are you supposed to do when you want to know what God thinks about them?

When you're researching a topic, you always need to think about the big picture of the Bible. And what's the Bible about? It's about the gospel: about how God sent a Rescuer to free us from our rebellion against him and make us his own, so that we can glorify him. It's about Jesus. Every bit of the Old Testament points forward to Jesus, and every bit of the New Testament proclaims his name.

So if all I have is a list of verses, I haven't got very far. I have to think about Jesus. Otherwise, when I'm teaching people about a topic, I'll give them bandaids rather than heal their wounds. I'll look at the surface problem, and provide lots of practical advice and handy hints, but skate over the deep issues: our sinful hearts and our desperate need for a Saviour.

If I'm looking at pride, I need to think about how Jesus humbled himself to die on a cross, so that I can be forgiven and transformed, becoming like him in humility. If I'm looking at "the fear of the LORD", I need to consider how God has drawn near to me in Christ, so that his perfect love drives away cringing fear.

Every topic needs to be put in the context of the Bible, God's unfolding plan of salvation, and the gospel, the story of Jesus, who died and rose again.

I might go back and add another point to yesterday's post, so don't be surprised if you discover an extra point there!!