dentist

My husband went to the dentist recently to have a tooth extracted.

The first time you go to our dentist, the receptionist hands you a questionnaire: "On a scale of 1 to 10, how nervous do you feel?" When you admit to any nervousness, she asks you why.

So you stand there talking to this lady you've never met before defending the fact that you feel nervous: "Well ... I'm not really that nervous ... I'm only a little bit nervous ... Everyone feels nervous at the dentist, don't they ... ". Your voice trails off and you shuffle your feet under her searching gaze, then return to your plastic seat in the waiting room, waiting with clammy hands for your name to be called.

At our dentist you not only get to fill in a questionnaire on your very first visit, but they throw in a free compliment to go with the free toothbrush, the guilt about not flossing, and the (extremely expensive) service. I'm sure they've been told that a compliment helps new patients to relax, because both Steve and I received one.

When Steve opened his mouth, the dentist exclaimed, "You don't have any fillings! That's wonderful!"

When I opened my mouth, the dentist exclaimed, "You have all your teeth! That's unusual at your age!"

I felt naively pleased. After hearing Steve's compliment, I'm not so sure.

Still, it could be worse. "Not many octogenarians have such a healthy set of gums." "You keep your 3 teeth very clean." "Fillings! You've got a complete set!"

Well, I don't have a complete set yet, but I'm working on it. I've just received one of those letters: "You haven't visited the dentist for 6 months and we're concerned about your dental health." I've got a slight ache in my left maxillary second molar and level 3 nervousness in my gut. Pass me the chocolate biscuits.

image is from nmoira at flickr

why God made mums

My Mum sent me this. It made me laugh. I'm sending it to you.

WHY GOD MADE MUMS

Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:

Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the sticky tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mum just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of ?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other Mum?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's Mums like me.

What kind of little girl was your Mum?
1. My Mum has always been my Mum and none of that other stuff
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did Mum need to know about Dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your Mum marry your Dad?
1. My Dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mum eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My Grandma says that Mum didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mum doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mum. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mum is, but only because she has a lot more to do than Dad.

What's the difference between Mums & Dads?
1. Mums work at work and work at home and Dads just go to work at work.
2. Mums know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but Mums have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Mums have magic - they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your Mum do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your Mum perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your Mum, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my Mum smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.