what I'm reading: women, work, and the home

I couldn't wait for The measure of success to come out. Carolyn McCulley is a thoughtful, entertaining writer, and in this book she tackles the controversial topic of women, work and the home.

The first few chapters - a potted history of work - kept me glued to the page. They made me ask the question: How are our views on women, work and the home shaped by our culture as well as by the Bible? 

What did Paul mean when he encouraged young married women to "manage their households" (1 Tim 5:14) and to "work at home" (Titus 2:5)? Did he mean women with children shouldn't do paid work? Or that our homes should be beautiful? I don't think so. The reason we sometimes conclude these things is because of a post-industrial view of work and the home.

Carolyn McCulley says,

With the dozens and dozens of magazines, cable shows, and Pinterest boards, it's no surprise if you think about your home as an expression of your identity. ...

That's not the concept of the home that most people have had throughout history. The home was a center of productivity. If we don't know that history, then we will read the biblical verses about the home only through the lens of our current experience - and potentially misunderstand the intent of these passages ...

Over the last several centuries, Christians have engaged in this debate about where women should be productive. When mainstream culture devalued marriage and motherhood, Christians (and those from some other faith traditions) rightly upheld these important roles. When mainstream culture overvalued the workplace, they also rightly upheld the value of the home.

The only problem is that our modern concept of the home is not the same as the biblical concept. ... For most of human history, the home was the original small business unit, the building block of a community's economic vitality. It was only after the upheaval of the Industrial Revolution that the home moved from being a place of productivity to a place of consumption.

Did you catch that? For most of history, the home was a "place of productivity". Work was done in and from the home. Farming and manufacture were home businesses, led by mums and dads, their kids underfoot and working alongside them. Like everyone else, women worked in and from the home, in roles that earned money and roles that didn't.

What does this mean for the verses about women and work in the Bible? I'll be honest: I'm not sure. For a start, I haven't finished the book yet. But also, I don't think the answers are simple. This is going to take some time to process.

I still believe it's ideal for young kids to be cared for by a parent as much as possible. I think women will generally be the ones who do this, not just because of cultural norms, but also because that's the way God made us (Gen 2-3; Prov. 31:10-31; 1 Tim. 5:14; Tit. 2:3-5). We only see this as a problem because our society teaches us to idolize "career". Managing a home and raising kids is work, and it's meaningful, hard, skillful work.

But I am coming to see that there is flexibility and freedom in the way this might happen. It won't look the same for everyone. I have friends I greatly respect who made the decision - one that I think was wise for them - to do paid work a few days a week early in their children's lives because it helped keep them sane.* And we don't all have the choice: I have a friend who's a single mum and has to work in a thankless job so she can support her family.

I also know women who stayed home full-time with their kids until they reached school age, then took on some work outside the home; and women who stayed home with their kids, pretty much full time, into the teen years (hey, wait a minute, that's me - and my son's chronic illness has made me very grateful I have this option). Not so they can devote themselves to the "home beautiful" (an idol just as potent as "career"), but so they can love and serve those around them, and those God has entrusted to them.

Jesus doesn't want us to store up treasure on earth: sanded floorboards, a successful career, or perfectly behaved children (Matt 6:19-24). He wants us to work hard at the tasks he's given us; and he want us to work, not for ourselves, but for him (Eph 2:10; Col 3:23). He wants us to live for our true home.

You might also enjoy:

• these posts on biblical womanhood
• these posts on homemaking.

* Two had depression; one is an extrovert, with outgoing kids who enjoyed childcare, who found she was much more cheerful and productive at home while working a few days a week.


Quote is from Carolyn McCulley's The measure of success, 46-47, italics mine.

are holidays Christian?

You might remember a post I wrote some time ago about Tim Chester's argument that holidays aren't biblical. Here's some further thoughts I wrote for The Briefing.

There's a certain amount of discomfort in Christian circles when it comes to annual leave and long service leave - or any kind of extended holiday, for that matter. The workaholics and type-A personalities amongst us (I'm putting my hand up now) can be even more uncomfortable about taking holidays. Perhaps they're right.

Aren't these the last days, when our task - to tell the world about Jesus - is a matter of desperate urgency? Shouldn't we be spending our time and money on gospel ministry, not on luxurious holidays-for-self? Haven't most people, across the world and until the fairly recent past, had to do without annual leave? Doesn't the Bible, as some argue, give us a pattern of six days' work and one day's rest, not overwork for most of the year and 'binge resting' during one's annual leave?1

Yes, yes, yes, and...well, a qualified yes. While I agree that laziness and overwork are thoroughly unbiblical, and 'binge resting' doesn't sound much better, my husband and I are convinced that extended leave and holidays can be very, very good things. So much so, that we've just celebrated Steve's long service leave with a seven week driving trip from Melbourne to Cairns. Not very luxurious, and perhaps not even particularly restful (picture 7000 kms in a car with four children), but a great break all the same!

Why do I think holidays and extended leave are biblical? Here are six reasons, ranging from anecdotal to theological.

1. If you're anything like us, after working hard for many months or years, extended rest is a very welcome gift of God.
   Yes, I know that most people throughout history and across the world have had to do without annual and long service leave. They are not necessities of life, any more than owning a car or living near a local park; but this doesn't make them bad things. A year ago, my husband was looking wilted after eleven years in an exhausting ministry job, and I was worn out after eleven years of raising young children. Long service leave has done us a world of good, and we thank God for his timely gift (1 Timothy 4:1-5).



2. Rest is biblical.
   Rest shows that I believe I'm not the God and Savior of the universe: God is, and I can trust him to run the world and continue his work while I rest. Rest shows that I live in God's grace, rather than needing to prove myself, meet others' expectations or give my life meaning through work. Rest shows that I acknowledge my humanness, my dependence and my need: that while God doesn't need rest, I'm a creature, and I do (Psalm 121:4; 127:2). Rest shows that I know life isn't about work, but about glorifying God in all I do, while I work and while I rest.2



3. Extended times of rest are biblical.
   It's sometimes argued that, while we're not under the Old Testament law, the wise biblical pattern expressed in Genesis 2:1-2 and the Sabbath commandment is six days of work and one day of rest. I agree. But there were also extended times of rest in the Old Testament calendar: regular annual celebrations in which workers downed tools and traveled to the temple, and (seldom observed) seventh year rests and forty-ninth year Jubilees, when the land and its people rested from their labor.3 I'm not arguing that we need to keep special days any more (Galatians 4:8-11; Colossians 2:16-17; Hebrews 10:1) but if the Sabbath gives us a wise principle for weekly rest, why not the Old Testament pattern of longer rests as well?4



4. Rest (including more extended periods of rest) helps us to avoid burnout and stay in for the long haul.
   I have to admit that I don't like the term 'self care'. But, in the end, rest is not about self care: it's about other-person care.5 If it's true, for example, that up to 50% of pastors leave pastoral ministry within the first five years, many due to burnout, then it's important to take steps to prevent this. My husband is no workaholic - he's much better than me at regular weekly rest - but after more than ten years' work as a ministry leader who spares others the extra load, he badly needed time to refuel and revive so he can keep serving for the next ten years.



5. Rest helps our relationships.
   During times of rest, marriages can be built and family life strengthened in a way that's not always possible during the busyness of life. My friend Heather encouraged me (and our experience on our recent holiday confirmed it):
   
   

   In the long run Steve & the kids (and eventually the grandkids) will always be your primary ministry so take some time out to ensure that those relationships develop a strength and solidity that will last through the teen years and into adulthood. Our LSL time was always a precious memory for our kids, and many of the experiences laid down during this period were foundational in holding together the open communication with our kids we enjoyed into the teen years and even now.

6. Rest helps us to pour ourselves out in God's service.
   There are times of life when we give out (hopefully most of life!) and times of life when we take in so we can serve, such as during theological study, conferences, study leave or holidays. During such times we regroup, reflect, renew ('the three Rs') as we prepare prayerfully for the future. Rest doesn't necessarily show a failure to 'pour ourselves out' for the gospel; used wisely, it fills us so that we can 'pour out' all the more, working hard in God's service to the end (Philippians 2:17 cf. Romans 12:11; 1 Corinthians 15:58; 2 Thessalonians 3:6-13).

Are holidays Christian? Well, it depends. If we spend too much on self-indulgent, luxurious vacations, then no (James 5:5). If we overwork all year to save up for a few weeks' leave, then no. If we live for leisure as if it were the goal of life, then no. But if we work hard in God's service and rest wisely and regularly, then yes, holidays can be a very good gift of God. Like all gifts of God received with thanksgiving and used for his glory, they become truly 'holy' days, not in the old sense of special religious days, but in the sense of a creation gift 'made holy' by the word and prayer (1 Timothy 4:1-5).

What do you think?


1. See Tim Chester, The Busy Christian's Guide to Busyness, pages 29-30. I must add that I agree with most of what he says here, and this is probably the only bit of this excellent book that I have any disagreement with!
2. See the book just mentioned and my series busyness and burnout.
3. See my post Sunday School: The Law and Sacrifices - Special Days for a more detailed overview.
4. The hole in my argument is that the Sabbath is established in Genesis 2:2-3 as a creation principle while the annual religious festivals aren't; but both are spoken of in the same breath in Colossians 2:16-17, and both show that regular breaks from work are neither a modern phenomenon nor an unbiblical one.
5. Thanks, Honoria Lau, for pointing this out to me.
6. See Grant Bickerton's article Stressors of pastors and leaders.

image is by andrewmalone from flickr

10 things that make me miserable

I wrote this in a black moment a couple of months ago, after my posts about 10 things that make me happy. Things are better now, but we had a bit of a tough start to the term, with a long run of flu and colds, and my head was filled with gloomy thoughts. So for all those frustrated by life's little annoyances, here's some of mine.

1. Yet another car trip with the kids all arguing in the car.
2. Our increasingly worn house, and not being able to fix it.
3. The weeds in the garden, and not having time to pull them out.
4. The way all the washing never seems to get folded and put away at once.
5. When I've just done 3 loads of washing, then I realise someone has wet their bed...again.
6. Insects that want to share our life and won't take "no" for an answer.
7. Children who insist it's not their turn or their fault or their responsibility.
8. Dirt, dust, grime, and the way it builds up when you're not looking - just after you've cleaned.
9. Clutter, and the way it builds up - just after you've tidied.
10. Illness and tiredness (yep, I know that's two).

So why did I post this jolly little list (against my better judgement, I might add, especially since God tells us not to mutter and complain - Phil 2:14-16 - and I know that there are millions of people with real problems)? For a couple of reasons:

• my single friend reminded me that sometimes it's good to hear life isn't always greener on the other of the fence
• we all struggle with the dragging, repetitive, annoying problems of life - with drudgery, futility and tiredness - and we need to know how to deal with it.

So how do we deal with it? Badly, if you're me! But it helps me to remember this is just how life is on this side of the Fall: thorny and thistly (Gen 3:18). It helps to realise I'm under attack, to fight the temptation to discontent and despair, and to cast my cares on God (Jam 4:7, 1 Pet 5:7). It helps to talk to friends who know what I'm going through, and to receive comfort and prayer (2 Cor 1:3-4). And in the back of my mind there's a few Bible verses that get me through:

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. (Gal 6:9)

I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. (Phil 4:12-13)

...we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Cor :16-18)

Heavenly Father, when I'm facing the small annoyances of life, help me to trust you, to stay thankful and faithful, to endure patiently, and to set my hope on heaven. Amen.

image is by the Italian voice from flickr

when enough is enough (some thoughts on tenacity)

For all who find that tenacity sometimes get the better of godliness.

My children are squabbling. My 4-year-old needs his breakfast. My 7-year-old is playing up to get my attention. My 10-year-old has been on the computer too long. My 12-year-old wants me to help her find something. My husband has just asked me a question.

Me? I'm preparing a Bible study / reading a Christian book / writing a blog post / pursuing an interesting train of thought. I need to study a few more verses / finish my chapter (and then another) / get this paragraph right / work out what it is I'm thinking. I've run out of concentration / read more than I can bear / written more than I have time to /twisted my brain into knots, but I know I can finish this off / go one more / get this right / figure this out.

Meanwhile, things are falling apart on the home front, I've worked myself into a state of irritatable exhaustion, and everyone's frustrated because I can't hear a word they're saying.

Tenacity is a Christian virtue. Commitment to relationships, perseverance through suffering, the disciplined pursuit of godliness, a life lived for Christ to the very end - we could all do with more tenacity of this kind:

determination, firmness of purpose, perseverance, persistence, purpose, resolve, steadfastness.

Tenacity is not a Christian virtue when it shades into this set of synonyms:

inflexibility, intransigence, obtinacy, stubbornness, wilfulness.

In my case, it's blended with a few other character traits (I'm sure you can come up with your own):

• tenacity - the stubborn determination to get something done, however long it takes
• perfectionism - a commitment to getting everything exactly right, whatever the cost
• vagueness - the academic's ability to ignore everyone and everything around them while pursuing a line of thought
• workaholism - an inability to trust God and rest.

Hmmm...sounds just a little too familiar...

A few months ago, after a week of this, I knew something had to change. I went for a walk, sat by the lake near my parents' place, stared out across the water, and prayed. I asked God for a little more wisdom, a little more trust, a little more rest. When I returned to the car, I wrote a new resolution in my journal:

Enough is enough. The world won't fall apart just because I don't push myself as hard as I can. It's time to listen to the small voice of conscience saying "Get off the computer and rest", "Stop reading and serve", "Put it aside until later". Learn when to stop. Trust God. Everything and all is in his hands. Rest in his love, grace and sovereignty. Recharge. Refuel. Take refuge.

Because sometimes enough is enough.

Synonyms are from thesaurus.com combined with definition from thefreedictionary.com.

images are from khrawlings, Dana Lookadoo - Yo Yo SEO and Cuba Gallery - Now on Twitter! from flickr

what I'm reading: busyness and making things better from The Busy Christian's Guide to Busyness

Are you a sympathetic person who sees someone in trouble and has to help? A problem-solver who sees something wrong and has to fix it? A visionary who sees things need to change and has to do something about it?

Many of us think if we just work hard enough, we can do everything that needs to be done. It's one of the quickest routes to over-busyness and burnout. Tim Chester says,

One of the lies that drives our busyness is the belief that we can do everything and solve every problem - it is just a matter of squeezing it all in. The reality is that we are finite. Only God is infinite...

People who get work out of perspective do so because deep down they believe that 'God either cannot or will not provide' and that therefore they themselves must do so...

'I'm busy because people need me.' It's another version of 'I'm busy because otherwise things get out of control.' If I'm not active then things will get out of control in someone else's life...We shouldn't over-estimate ourselves - we are not indispensable. We like to think we can solve every problem, but we cannot...

Don't get me wrong. We have a responsibility to serve God and love other people... We are to be poured out in service. We are to give until there is nothing left to give. But then we stop. We cannot and should not do more than we can. God doesn't expect it of us. We are not saviours. He alone is the Saviour...

We trust God for our concerns and obey God in our responsibility. Don't take responsibility for those things you should leave to God. You'll end up playing god. And God is a much better God than you are! You will soon burn yourself out...Many years ago I said, "Lord, I'll do the work and you do the worrying."

This quote is from chapter 9 of Tim Chester's The Busy Christian's Guide to Busyness.

image is from Sarah G... at flickr

woman to woman (4c) a Titus 2 curriculum: biblical womanhood

God has given us an important role in the lives of younger women: to teach and train them in godly womanhood (Titus 2:3-5). We've seen how this can happen in all kinds of ways, like young mums' Bible studies, book clubs, and letter-writing. But what are we to teach? So far, we've talked about the gospel and sound doctrine; today, I talk about biblical womanhood (a huge topic you can read more about in this series).

3. Biblical womanhood

Women also need to hear about God's glorious plan for womanhood. Manhood and womanhood were not an afterthought in God's design for humanity. From the moment of creation, God made us male and female, equal before God, with different roles and responsibilities. The woman was made to be the man's ‘helper’, serving God in light of the created order (Gen 1-3, 1 Tim 2:11-15).

Titus 2:3-5 spells out what this looks like in the life of a young, married woman with children. She is to love her husband and children, stay pure and self-controlled, manage her home and practise kindness, and be submissive to her husband. This isn't an exhaustive list, nor does it mean that a married woman shouldn't do paid work outside the home, as long as this supports, rather than undermines, her commitment to home and family (cf. Prov 31). But it does show where her primary focus lies.

Yet we must be careful not to use Titus 2:3-5 to encourage women to idolize home and family. As Nicole Starling says,

These particular instructions to women in Titus 2:3-5 are meant to sail on an ocean of general instruction given in the Bible for all of us as Christians: without an awareness of that big ocean of the Bible's teaching about Jesus and the kingdom of God, the Titus 2 boat can end up bobbing around harmlessly and inoffensively in the backyard swimming pool of suburban materialism, going nowhere.2

Much teaching on Titus 2:3-5 subtly encourages household idolatry. Singleness becomes a waiting room for marriage, rather than an opportunity to serve Christ with undivided attention (1 Cor 7:32-35), and the family home becomes an end in itself, rather than a place to reach out to others.3

But Titus 2:3-5 encourages young women not only to ‘work at home’ but also to be “kind”.4 In 1 Timothy 5:9-10, the word ‘kind’ is linked to many good deeds of godly women—not just bringing up children, but also showing hospitality, serving Christians, and caring for the needy. A godly woman's home is not only a secure refuge, but also a base for loving, serving and reaching out to others.

2 Nicole Starling, ‘Transformed by Titus 2’, 1 September 2008, http://equipbooks.blogspot.com/2008/09/chapter-1-transformed-by-titus-2.html.

3 Carolyn Mahaney's Feminine Appeal (Crossway, Wheaton, 2004), the best book I've read on Titus 2:3-5, occasionally has this tendency.

4 ‘Agathos’, the Greek word for ‘kind’ in Titus 2:5, is almost always translated ‘good’ in the ESV and NIV, and is used frequently in Titus for the ‘good deeds’ characteristic of Christians responding to God's grace (see Titus 1:8, 16, 2:5, 3:1).

image is from stock.xchng

giving thanks for work and rest (the end of the school holidays)

School holidays. Ours have just finished; you might be half way through yours, if you're a mum in another state of Australia. If you're not a mum, you'll have your own times of weekly and annual rest.

By the end of term I'm hanging out for the holidays. I start each term with energy to do the extras: catch up with friends, make dentist appointments, organise play dates. At term's end I'm dragging my feet through the hours, longing for a lazy day and a morning when I won't have to get the kids out the door at 8.45.

By the end of school holidays, I'm looking forward to the routine of term-time: making lunches, driving the kids to school, and coming home to a quiet house with just one child in it. We're running low on cereal, there are dust bunnies in the corners, and I've had enough noise and chaos to last me for a while. On the first day of term, it feels good to pack up the toys and get out the vacuum cleaner.

Isn't it good that God gives us times of work and times of rest? Isn't it good to work hard each week then take a day's rest, and exchange months of work for a few weeks' rest? Today I'm thanking God for school holidays and term time; for the work-rest pattern of my days.

image is from Thomas Hawk at flickr

busyness, burnout and the grace of God (6) escape and addiction

February 2008. Only a few months in, it's clear that blogging is highly addictive. Here, no-one needs their nappy changed. No-one bugs me for a snack. No-one fights over who hit who first. When I'm exhausted after a day's housework, am I not entitled to some rest? I sit at the computer, do my best to ignore the sound of children squabbling, and scold anyone who interrupts me. Dinner is late again.

I get too busy when ... work becomes an escape and an addiction.

What I'm learning.
You can't escape your life.
This house and these kids aren't going anywhere, and my husband still needs me (praise God!). My children do need to spend time with their mother, and the truth is I'm longing to take them to the park - when I let myself. There will be times when outside ministry mean that I can't spend as much time with my kids as I like; but there are also times when I do more than I should, and neglect my family. Guilt and exhaustion are the inevitable result.

Life is not about fulfilment: it's about love.
Work is a wonderful escape (for those of us who are workaholics blessed with a fulfilling job): it promises respect, adult conversation, and tasks which seem more meaningful than menial. Ministry is even better: you can salve your conscience while doing it (it's God's work, after all!). But life isn't about my fulfilment; it's about glorifying God in the context he puts me in: my family, church family and community. When work becomes a way to escape my responsibilities, it's time to repent of self-centredness and serve others in love.

Adrenalin is addictive.
It was Christian psychologist Arch Hart who helped me to understand what's happening when I escape into work and ministry. He taught me that busyness can be as addictive as drugs or alcohol (and it's a lot more respectable!) because we become dependent on the adrenalin high which comes with stress. This explains the emotional crash after a major project or mild depression at the start of a holiday: my body is adjusting to the lack of adrenalin. Adrenalin is meant to help us cope with emergencies; it's bad for us when we depend on it to get through everyday life.

Remember the four As: arrogance, addiction, aloneness, adultery. A study of secular leaders identified these 4 stages in aberrant behaviour: arrogant independence where I make my own rules; an adventurous addiction to the excitement of work or ministry; aloneness and perhaps depression as I cut myself off from others; and adultery (or other forms of comfort) to medicate the profound loss of joy in work or ministry.* Reading about these stages was a wake-up call for me, and may help you identify the danger signs of over-busyness.

Don't feed your addiction to work, pressure or busyness.
If you don't feed an addiction, it will shrink rather than grow. I've come up with some simple guidelines to stop me escaping into the wonderful world of writing: for example, no computer for 24 hours on the weekends, or during afternoons and evenings when I'm needed by my family. The exact guidelines differ from month to month (it's about love, not legalism!) but they help me avoid the temptation to escape into ministry or work.

Break work-addiction by resting.
Times of busyness are supposed to be followed by times of rest and recovery. If I feel nervous, guilty or depressed when I take time off, it's a good sign I'm addicted to adrenalin. There's a cure: learn to rest (easier said than done!). I now take a day off a week and a few weeks off each year to recover and spend concentrated time with my family. I try to intersperse ministry demands - a seminar, an article, a talk - with times of rest to give my body and mind time to recover. I still have to force myself to rest, and remind myself it's godly, but I'm getting there!

God is my refuge.
This is easy to remember in theory, but hard in practice! If you're anything like me, when you're tired, bored or anxious, you turn to anything but God: food, relaxation, relationships, entertainment, work, or even putting off work (which, of course, makes you busier in the long run). Addiction is idolatry: it's seeking from other things what we should be seeking from God. But God is our refuge. He alone can give us the comfort, rest and joy we seek.

*From a study of secular leaders, cited in a lecture series by Arch Hart, quoted in Peter Brain's Going the Distance 58-59.

This post is based on chapter 10 of Tim Chester's The Busy Christian's Guide to Busyness with insights from Arch Hart's Adrenaline and Stress and Peter Brain's Going the Distance. If procrastination or thriving on pressure is your problem, you'll find these issues explored in greater detail in Chester's chapter.

images are from Federico_Morando 2, Manic Toys, adrian acediscovery, and alancleaver_2000 at flickr

another reason for having kids young?

I see my friend going straight from 9 years at home with young children to caring for ailing parents, and I wonder how she does it. I look at my own 12 years at home with young children, and worry about whether I'll have energy left to cope with the stresses of the next stage of life.

It never occurred to me before that we're reaping one of the results of having kids at 30 rather than 25 - and that's without full-time work on top of motherhood. As I read the article "Shades of blue" in last weekend's Sunday Life, about women juggling careers and motherhood with apparent ease while they battle depression in private, it was this paragraph that stood out for me:

Allison Pearson [author of I Don't Know How She Does It] went on to describe herself as a "sandwich woman", one of a generation who had children in their 30s and then, just as their offspring were "sleeping through the night, one of our parents fell ill". The stress of this situation - and a job on top - took its toll. "Is it women who are mad, or is it the society we live in?" she asked. "We always suspected there would be a price for Having It All, and we were happy to pay it; but we didn't know the cost would be to our mental health."

Yet another good reason - on top of the extra energy! - for having children while you're young, if that choice is open to you. It certainly seems a better option than squeezing all your "fun" and career advancement into your 20s, and only thinking about having kids later.

image is from Wondermonkey2k at flickr

Meredith's reflections: should I go back to work?

My dear bloggy friend Meredith is facing a decision which comes to most mums in time: should I go back to work when my kids are all in school? It's a decision I'll be facing myself in a year, and I've been soaking up Meredith's wise reflections. She says,

Not going to work during the last seven years was a no-brainer for me. And we have managed to make ends meet, thanks be to God. But here is the thing. We now get to decide whether we continue on like this or not. We are faced with a choice. ...

As a Christian, how do I best use the time now given to me to serve God, my family and my community, bearing in mind my own capacities and circumstances? It's not a question anyone else can answer for me. Nor is it one I can answer for anyone else. But that is the big question.

If you'd like to read Meredith's thoughts about this issue, the many helpful responses she received, and her personal conclusions about what she's going to do next year and why, check out these links.

A difficult transition

Transition update

Epiphany

image is by Meredith (I think)

what I'm reading: success and identity from Counterfeit Gods

Every day I get a quote about the cross in my inbox from Of First Importance. It's a great way to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus.

Here's some words I found particularly helpful as I reflected on how we get our identity from what we do.

How can we break our heart’s fixation on doing 'some great thing' in order to heal ourselves of our sense of inadequacy, in order to give our lives meaning? Only when we see what Jesus, our great Suffering Servant, has done for us will we finally understand why God’s salvation does not require us to do 'some great thing.' We don’t have to do it, because Jesus . . . did it all for us ... When we believe in what he accomplished for us with our minds, and when we are moved by what he did for us in our hearts, it begins to kill off the addiction, the need for success at all costs.

Timothy Keller, Counterfeit Gods (New York, NY: Dutton, 2009), 93-94, HT Of First Importance

image is from OnlyByGrace at flickr

what I'm reading: busyness and identity from The Busy Christian's Guide to Busyness

These words transformed my view of myself in relation to work, and inspired last week's post on busyness and identity.

Tim Chester says that when we work to find our identity, we can never be busy enough, because "the project of the self is never complete". But when we find our identity in Jesus, we can look to the cross and hear him proclaim, "It is finished!".

Today people find identity through work itself. We answer the question, 'What do you do?' with a job title. ... 'We don't want to rest ... because our identities are rooted in activity and accomplishment.' ... We're busy, busy, busy because we're trying to serve a god who cannot be placated. ...

The value of work is measured by the sense of self-fulfilment it brings. Work is judged not by the service it renders to others, but by the service it renders to me, the worker. ...

We have made work an idol ... offering salvation (identity and fulfilment) .... 'There is no resting-point: the project of the self is never complete, and is always riddled with anxiety and insecurities.' ... Busyness is a sign of virtue and value. Busyness is next to godliness. ... Overwork is a sign of status. ...

Jesus offers rest from the burden of self-justification. We are accepted by God. This is how we find meaning and value. At the most fundamental level, Tim Chester is a justified sinner. I'm not fundamentally a writer, or preacher, or even a husband and father. I am a sinner saved by grace and all I contribute to the identity is the sin bit. ... This is who I am. And it's a gift. I don't need to earn it. ...

Jesus has sat down (Hebrews 10:11-12). He has done all that is required. So we can sit down as well. ... Our often strained and frenetic forms of Christian life are witness to how much we need to affirm again with Jesus, ... "It is finished!"

From Tim Chester The Busy Christian's Guide to Busyness 90-96; the quotes within the text are from Robert Banks and Beverly Shepherd; emphases mine.

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busyness, burnout and the grace of God (4) identity

January 2008. It's our summer holidays. I'm writing in my journal, reflecting on the year ahead. A kind friend has told me I should develop my "gift for writing". I ask myself, "Do I want to be a writer?" I tell myself that it's not worth pursuing if it's not my passion, my calling. Gift. Passion. Calling. Writer. I'm starting to think of myself with capital letters.

I get too busy when ... I get my identity from what I do.

What I was thinking. "I need to develop the gifts God has given me. I need to follow my passions. I need to realize my potential. I want to be ..."

What I'm learning.
I'm not a _____er, I'm a child of God who _____s.
You could fill the gaps with anything (writer, doctor, teacher, mother ...) and it would still be true. The world tells me that I am what I do, and I believe the lie. But Jesus says "do not rejoice that the spirits submit to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven" (Lk 10:20). My significance doesn't come from what I do, or even what God does through me. My significance comes from the fact that I'm a child of God.

My life is not about me and my glory: it's about God and his glory.
I have a dream. At times it seems selfless: it's about encouraging women, teaching them from God's word, helping them to grow. At times, the spotlight slips sideways onto me: there I am, respected, admired and beloved. I can take a good dream and twist it so easily. If I seek glory or respect through work or ministry, I'll be driven to over-work to achieve it. But life isn't about my renown: it's about making God's name known.

My passions are not the same as God's purposes.*
My friends will tell you that I love the word "passion". Often, the things I'm passionate about are good things. But when the focus is on me, my gifts, my passions, I've got a problem! What if I can't use my gifts because of a season of life, an illness, or because my they're not needed? I don't have to discover my gifts. I don't have to realise my dreams. Life isn't about me pursuing my passions: it's about glorifying God, and I can do that whatever I do.

Work is about serving others not finding myself.
If you're a stay-at-home mum, you know what it's like to be asked, "What do you do?" If you're like me, your heart sinks into the ground and you wonder what on earth you can say! The world tells me that work defines my identity. It tells me that I'm nothing if I'm not using my degree, using my skills, and pursuing a career, preferably one which fulfils and energises me. But God tells me to use all my energies to love and serve others. I find myself in him, not in my work.

God wants faithfulness, not success.
It's right to work hard to build God's kingdom, but success isn't in my hands. What matters is my faithfulness to the work God has given me to do. I plant and water, but it's God who makes things grow (1 Cor 3:5-15). I don't need to race around, working harder and harder, to build a successful ministry or massage my career. I can be faithful to God in the situation he's put me in, serve the people he's given me to love, and trust him to help them grow in his own timing and his own way.

I can rest, because Jesus has finished his work.
I don't need to do some great thing to give my life meaning: Jesus has done it all. I don't need to prove myself through what I do: I am justified in God's eyes because Jesus died for me. I can rest, because Jesus finished the work that God gave him to do: the work of making us right with God (Matt 11:28-30, Heb 4:9-10). It's right to work hard in response to God's salvation, but I don't have to work harder than I can in order to prove myself or give my life meaning. Jesus has done it all.

* I was struck by this while listening to Allison Street's talk God's Princesses.

images are from Kat.B.Photography, ninavizz and Search Engine People Blog at flickr

busyness, burnout and the grace of God (1) introduction

"Funny, perceptive and inspirational, this is the adventure of a lifetime, proving that the modern woman can have it all: a high-flying career, a wonderful family life and New York". (from a book blurb quoted in supermum)

She's living the dream. She has her career. She has her family. She has (wait for it ...) New York. Well, you and I might not have New York, but let's add something else in there: ministry. Career, family, ministry - oh, and leisure. It sounds like a modern Christian woman's ideal life, doesn't it?

Except somewhere along the way, this view of life just isn't possible. Something has to give. It might be ministry, it might be family, it might be career, it might be leisure; but you can't pour 4 time-intensive roles into a single life and expect no cracks to show.

I haven't attempted the career bit since having kids (for most mothers this starts when their kids are all at school, although not for me if I can help it - more about that another day!) but I've certainly attempted far too much ministry outside the home while raising 4 young children. I know how that feels and what it costs.

I find busyness very tempting. It's hard just to keep on top of the tasks which are part of daily life - cleaning, cooking, washing clothes, buying groceries, getting the kids to school on time - but when I'm not doing a lot more than this, I feel like a failure. Other women are achieving so much more! So I add another activity to the tottering pile.

Over-busyness is sometimes unavoidable - for example, for single mums, or mums with very young children - but it's usually driven by our choices and desires.

• We want to prove ourselves, to gain others' respect, to meet their expectations.
• We want to make sure that our life has some significance.
• We want to achieve as much as that woman over there.
• We're frightened of wasting the precious years.
• We don't know how to say "no", or how to disappoint people.
• We only feel significant when we're busy, working hard, and getting things done.
• The busyness creeps up without us noticing, and we don't know how to stop.

Two years ago I found myself at the start of a new season. My youngest child was fresh out of babyhood, and we weren't planning to have any more. I found myself with a few spare moments, a heart full of dreams, and what felt like hundreds of beckoning opportunities.

During the coming weeks I'd like to tell you the story of what happened next, and what I learned about busyness, stress and the grace of God.

image is by hansvandenberg at flickr

the blessing of unpaid work

Every now and then I take a step back from all the chaotic busyness of my life and reflect on the blessing of unpaid work.

Not everyone has this privilege - someone has to earn money to provide food and shelter, and one day that someone might be me - but what a privilege it is!

I care for my husband and our home and children, not because someone pays me, but because it's my joyful service to God and my family.

I encourage others in the Christian life through teaching and writing and praying, not because someone pays me, but because I love to share God's incredible grace and truth with others.

I have been richly blessed!

So next time you ball yet another pair of socks, or get up early to pray for friends and family, or work hard at preparing a Bible study, take a moment to stop and thank God for the blessing of unpaid work.

image is from stock.xchng

Sunday School - Proverbs (8) hard work

"Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise!" (Prov 6:6)

Proverbs has a lot to say about hard work. But for me, this Sunday School lesson was a day of rest.

A group of students from my husband's uni group were running their annual mission at our church, and one of their responsibilities was to lead Sunday School. So I sat and did jigsaws with my 2 year old in creche, and watched as Shell and 2 other students taught the class with great energy and enthusiasm. Here they are leading our little group:


They started with a drama, with Shell the mum giving her 2 boys their jobs for the day, then Shell the teacher handing out homework tasks. Of course, one of the boys did their jobs well, and the other was lazy and negligent, and they suffered the necessary consequences (I didn't quite overhear these).

Then it was on to the lesson, and Shell came up with a brilliant variation on the charts we've been making each week. She drew an ant hill on a large sheet of white paper (being an artist helps!) and they played a game she invented called "up the hill". The kids were given a pile of Proverbs verses about work and gluttony (we attempted 2 interrelated topics this week) and a number of small pictures of ants.

Up one side of the hill went the verses about hard work with an up-going ant (6:6-8, 27:18). Down the other side of the hill went the verses about slothfulness with a down-going ant (20:4; 22:13; 24:30-34). On the middle of the hill were pasted those many 2-way verses in Proverbs, contrasting the results of hard work and laziness, with an up- and down-going ant (10:4-5; 14:23; 23:19-21). Here's Ben and Lizzy with the poster they made:


For the craft, Shell printed out a picture of an ant in the middle of an A4 sheet of paper. She asked the kids to write or draw tasks they wanted to work hard at around the ant. Here's a finished drawing (it looks like Shell might have drawn this one!):

I was very amused to see that Ben came up with 3 tasks of vital importance: finish a catapult he's making with friends for a school project, get something called a "skin" on some computer game he's playing, and become a Pokemon master on his Pokemon Diamond game. I'm not sure that's exactly what Shell meant, but it's a very endearing indication of his ongoing preoccupations!

biblical womanhood (6a) busy at home

I was walking the kids in to school when I bumped into the mother of my son Ben's best friend. We don't know each other well, so we talked about our lives and what we do. Inevitably, the question came up: "Do you work?"

This from a mother who works nightshift as a hospital nurse 3 nights a week and dayshift 2 days a week, as well as running one of those homes where, the instant you visit, you're welcomed into a clean house and plied with home-made delicacies.

I responded the way I always do: "No ... I don't work ... I'm at home full-time with children ... we have 4 children, so it keeps me busy (insert sheepish giggle from me)". Awkward silence. End of conversation.

It's a scenario every one of us who cares for our home and family full-time can identify with, isn't it? So why do we feel so embarrassed?I'm leading a women's book club on Carolyn Mahaney's Feminine Appeal. There are discussion questions in the back of the book, and at the end of the first study, the group is given some homework: go home and ask your husband which of the Titus 2:3-5 qualities he thinks you most need to grow in.

Two husbands gave the same answer: "To be busy at home". But when I followed up what they meant, they were said with a quite different emphasis: "To be busy at home." "To be busy at home."

One mum finds it hard to be at home on her own. She's an extrovert, so she gets a bit down when she's alone. She likes to be out at the park or the shops, small children in tow. I remember reading an anecdote from Elizabeth George A Woman after God's own Heart about how she asked her husband for advice on time-management, and he suggested she go out one day a week rather than every day. He didn't say so, but she was grounded!

The other mum is like me: she feels more comfortable being at home. But it's what she does while she's there that's the issue. We all know how easy it is to be at home, but not to be busy. Homemaking is demanding, unlike those 1950's images of happy housewives: you have to be organised, hard-working, motivated and self-disciplined. Yesterday morning, I was downloading some talks to help prepare this series on biblical womanhood, dashing downstairs to my husband's office computer and upstairs to get the kids ready for school, throwing instructions at the kids - "Is your bag packed? Have you put your breakfast bowl away?" - and questions and encouragement to my husband - "Would you like me to make you lunch? I'll pray for your meeting today!" - as I ran past.

At 10 to 9, latest possible leaving time, I was still loading a talk onto my iPod and doing some last-minute unecessary sorting of my iTunes index, when my daughter yelled, "Mum! It's time to go! We'll be late for school!"

I remember another occasion, not all that long ago, when I was working on a blog late in the afternoon, and Lizzy called out, "Mummy! I think you'd better go and get dinner now!"

There's nothing like my 10 year old daughter reminding me of my responsibilities to fill me with shame about the times I neglect my family for "ministry", and the bad example I sometimes set my daughter of how to be a homemaker.
Paid work, a trip to the shops, ministry: good things in themselves, they can all distract us from our responsibility to be "home workers".

Sorry to anyone who got this post in draft form in their reader last Monday!

more thoughts on the meaning of work

Imagine my surprise when I noticed this post on work and the kingdom of God over at Sola Panel, which came out yesterday, on the same day as my own post on the meaning of work!

I found Gavin Perkins' comments on the theology of work interesting and insightful.

Sandy Grant's comment adds a few interesting reflections on the value of work. His thoughts about caring for elderly parents is a great addition to my list of 7 things that give work meaning.

Thanks to Gordo for bringing this to my attention.

is work meaningless? (3) 7 things that give work meaning

Here's my list of things which give work meaning:

• Work is a good gift from God for our joy (Gen. 1:28). Like all good gifts from God, we receive it with thanksgiving, bringing glory to God, "who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment" (1 Tim. 6:17). Thanksgiving makes "secular work" into something "holy" (1 Tim. 4:4).

• After the Fall, work is marred by sin, futility, and discouragement. We honour God by enduring suffering with patience and joy. Paul said to the slave with an unjust boss, "if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God" (1 Pet. 2:20).

• We work with honesty, integrity, responsibility, cheerfulness, humility, and loving service, glorifying God with our obedience, and attracting people to the gospel by being salt and light in this world. As Gordo commented here, "the bridge won't last but the love that built it will".

• We work to provide food and shelter for our families. "If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever" (1 Tim. 5:8).

• We work so as not to be a burden on others, like Paul, who said "we worked night and day, labouring and toiling so that we would not be a burden to any of you" (2 Thess. 3:8).

• We use the money we earn not only to meet our own needs, but to generously and cheerfully care for the needy, help our brothers and sisters in Christ, and further the cause of gospel work (2 Cor. 9). We obey God's command to "do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share" (1 Tim. 6:18).

• We share the gospel with workmates, people who would otherwise not darken the door of a church, or pick up a Bible, from one end of the year to the other. My mum, who runs her own business, recently discovered this when many long-standing clients showed interest in the gospel. The world needs Christians in it, not in a holy huddle!

Charles Bridges says the Christian's work is a "work of faith". Work is a means of grace to our own souls, and a means of exalting God. Faith "enlivens our work with perpetual cheerfulness".

I'm still feeling my way towards a theology of work. But even if the results of our work decay and disappear, the faithfulness, love and joy with which we work will never fail.

So, bounce out of bed tomorrow, and off to work! And as you build, type, fix, sweep, or heal, remember that your thankfulness makes work "holy", that your loving integrity and patient endurance honour God, that you have the immense privilege of generous giving, and that you are God's beacon in this dark world.

This one's for you, Gordo ;)

image is from stock.xchng

is work meaningless? (2) different views of work

I've come across two views of secular work recently.

The first is from Gordo, who argues from Ecclesiastes that secular work is meaningless. It makes sense to me that only gospel work has eternal value, if we're talking about the direct results of our work. For the results of our labour don't last. Bridges fall, bodies decay, homes get dirty again.

My main question, Gordo, is what you do with the fact that Ecclesiastes is written primarily from an "under the sun" perspective: this-worldly wisdom gained through empirical observation. Does God's call to work in Genesis 1 give work meaning in an eternal perspective? I'm looking forward to that longer article on work you promised us, no doubt taking in the broad sweep of the Bible's teaching! (See, now you have to write it.)

The second is, I think, a more traditional Reformed view of work, based on Genesis 1-3. You'll find this clearly presented in A Biblical Understanding of Work by John Loftness from Sovereign Grace Ministries. I don't agree with its assumptions about God's "calling" to different kinds of work. I'm still puzzling over its teaching on the "dignity" of work: that we act as God's image-bearers as we produce and create, and fulfil God's command to "fill and subdue the earth."

If secular work obeys God's command to "fill and subdue the earth", our obedience to this command has eternal value, even if the results of our work disappear through decay and destruction. But some argue that, after the Fall, the command to "fill and subdue" is fulfilled through the work of redemption i.e. preaching the gospel. In which case we obey this command not through secular work, but through sharing the gospel.

Here's some questions I have. How do we obey the command to "fill and subdue" the earth? Does work have dignity because we create and produce as God's image-bearers in the world? Is "meaningful" the same as "eternally significant"? Do the tasks we do when we work - heal, build, empty bins - have meaning because they serve the needs of others, albeit temporal needs? Does the view that secular work is meaningless, and gospel work meaningful, return us to a monastic division between sacred and secular?

As you can see, I have many more questions than answers! If anyone has any ideas, or suggestions of books or articles to read, please tell me.

I'm planning a final post tomorrow on "7 things which make work meaningful".

image is from stock.xchng