grace-shaped womanhood: my talk on Titus 2

Well, I've done it! My very first conference talk. And I had a lot of fun too. :)

My talk was on Titus 2, and it was at our inaugural T2 Women's Conference. You can listen to it here, along with Belinda Grant's talk from Titus 3:

T2 Women.

Just click on the link under "age into a sage".

questions about women's ministry (3) what it looks like in practice

Simone has been asking some questions about women's ministry. Here's my answer to her third question (an extension of the last one).

If you think Titus 2:3-5 gives us a model and a curriculum for women's ministry, are you following the curriculum? 

Yes, in the women’s ministry at our church I make a deliberate effort to follow the "curriculum" (we're slowly working through the Titus 2 qualities, both 2:3 and 2:4-5) but very slowly, very flexibly and with plenty of additions, to make our teaching and training relevant to women in all kinds of situations.

I could have chosen another passage, but I started with Titus 2:3-5 because ours is a new ministry and I wanted to begin by inspiring the group with a model of older women teaching younger women.

I deliberately began with the topic of “reverence for God” (Titus 2:3) rather than marriage or motherhood, because I wanted to concentrate on the heart of godly womanhood, to avoid the legalistic emphasis on certain models of womanhood that can sometimes characterise women's ministry.

And yes, I spoke on the topic of marriage (Titus 2:4-5 - we have lots of women heading towards marriage in our group) but I made sure that I emphasised the "greater marriage" to Christ and the "greater gift" of singleness, and addressed my applications to all kinds of different life situations.

We’ve also had a session training women in evangelism; and next month, we’ll be discussing work and outreach at work, since we have lots of young women in this life situation. So you can see we cover the topics in Titus 2:3-5 in a way that's relevant to all, but lots more besides.

I should add that I don't see Titus 2:3-5 as a necessary or prescribed curriculum, just a good starting point. I could have chosen something else. For example, I love the list for widows in 1 Timothy 5:9-10, and I wish we were more familiar with this passage instead of jumping straight to Titus 2, as it seems to me to be a little broader in its application to different seasons and situations (I'll probably move there next). Or I could have picked Proverbs 31:10-31. Or I could have ignored the "women's passages" and gone with Colossians 3:1-4:6 or something else entirely.

But I do think Titus 2:3-5 is a useful set of topics to cover, especially with young women. And I do think the qualities on the list aren't just situation-specific, as they spring up all over the Bible, often (but not always) with reference to women (e.g. 1 Tim 2:11-15, 3:11, 5:9-10). More about that next time!

Please add your thoughts to the comments.

image is by Andrew Kirkley at flickr

questions about women's ministry (2) Titus 2: model or curriculum?

Simone has been asking some questions about women's ministry. Here's my answer to her second question.

Do you think Titus 2 gives us a model and a curriculum for women's ministry, or just a model, or something else or maybe neither?

Yes, Titus 2:3-5 gives us a model. As Simone says, "The model is that of older women teaching younger women." I wouldn't see this as culture-specific. And obviously the ministry of women to women isn’t limited to older to younger!

Yes, it gives us the beginnings of a curriculum (and one for older women as well as younger women – Titus 2:3 not just 2:4-5) but by no means a complete curriculum.

It's a curriculum no doubt shaped by context – not just the Cretan context, but the wider context of a culture in which marriage was more normative for women (and men) than it is in our culture. But it’s not limited to context: if you trace the Bible's teaching on womanhood, you'll find a similar emphasis on marriage and motherhood as key spheres in which most women serve God at some stage during their lives (Gen 2-3, Prov 31:10-31, 1 Tim 2:11-15, 5:9-16 etc). So yes, older women should cover these topics in their teaching of younger women – especially if these women are married and/or have children – but not to the exclusion of other life situations and seasons.

Other topics mentioned in Titus 2:3-5, like purity and how we use our speech, are relevant to all women (including older singles). And other parts of the Bible, both those addressed to women and those addressed to all Christians, expand the curriculum: 1 Tim 5:9-10 adds ministry/service outside the family; Prov 31:10-31 adds paid work and helping the poor; 1 Cor 7 addresses singleness; 1 Tim 2:11-15 talks about women’s relationships within the church; Col 4:2-6 adds evangelism; and so on and so on.

Most importantly, any and all of these topics need to be grounded in the gospel, as they are in Titus 2:11-15. We have to be careful not to limit godly womanhood to a certain season or situation in life, and we have to emphasis the gospel, not a certain set of “qualities of biblical womanhood”. The heart, foundation and motivation of any curriculum is the gospel and the character of God.

Please add your thoughts to the comments.

image is by Pingu at flickr

questions about women's ministry (1) is it necessary?

Simone has been asking some questions about women's ministry, in response to this post by Jenny about our narrow definitions of "godly womanhood". I've been thinking about this a lot, as I now have shared responsibility for the women's ministry at our church. I thought I might post my answers, beginning with Simone's first question:

Is it possible for a woman to be ministered to entirely in mixed settings and to thrive in her faith? Is it okay for her not to attend the formal women's ministries that are available to her?

Yes; and yes, it's okay, or the Bible would command her to attend. (Although you'd hope it's not fear - or an ineptly run program - keeping her away!)

A formal women's ministry is not necessary (although it can be helpful!) or the Bible would command it.

An informal women's ministry - that is, women encouraging one another in their faith, and older women teaching, training and setting an example to younger women: well, Titus 2:3-5 makes it pretty clear that Paul gives the responsibility of teaching and training younger women to older women (rather than to male overseers like Titus); and in any mixed group of Christians you'd hope that mutual encouragement between women was happening naturally and organically.

So, no, it's not necessary for it to be formal; but, yes, there should be some ministry of "women to women" in any healthy church.

This will include "women's issues" (hence the lists in Titus 2:3-5) - in fact, I'd think both informal and formal women's ministry would rightly include issues particularly relevant to women - but hopefully not just "women's issues", not an "exclusive" version of them (e.g. for mums only), and certainly not an unbiblically legalistic version of them (e.g. patchwork and particular sleep routines).

In Titus 2 it's the gospel that drives all our behaviour, teaching and training, whatever group we belong to. So gospel, gospel, and more gospel: that's what I'd hope to see in women's teaching and women's encouragement.

If women's ministry doesn't major on the gospel and the Bible, but instead on some legalistic version of what womanhood looks like, or just on the mums and married amongst us, no wonder if many women feel discouraged and alienated by it.

But let’s not throw the baby out with the bathwater. Let’s have women encouraging women with the gospel and God’s word, whether formally or informally doesn’t really matter.

Please add your thoughts to the comments.


image is by jhall at flickr

Wanted: more church invaders

A few years ago, our family of six left a congregation full of parents with young children, and joined a church made up mostly of university students.1 This wasn’t an ideological statement on our part: it was simply because my husband works in university ministry, and that’s where we needed to be at the time. But it’s made me aware of some of the benefits and costs of going to church with people from a different age and stage from your own.

It’s easy to spend your entire life going to church with people just like you. Many of us start out in our parent’s church: a place, perhaps, with lots of other kids and teenagers. We graduate to a university church (that’s what my husband and I did), to a worker’s service, to a family service (ditto), to a congregation full of empty-nesters and, finally, retirees. It’s not so simple for those who are single, childless, or divorced; but that’s how it works a lot of the time. Even churches with mixed-age congregations find they tend to become homogeneous: for example, families with young children often attend church in the morning, while young adults go in the evening.2

Then there are the ‘church invaders’, people who make a deliberate decision to go to church with people who aren’t like them. I’ve met some of them: an energetic lady in her 60s who goes along to the youth service so she can show an interest in young people. A woman in her early 20s who attends a church where she’s the only person under 40, because she believes older and younger Christians need each other. A childless woman great at relating to kids, who gives her time to reaching out to children and their parents. A couple with older children who feel a little out of place in a congregation full of younger families, but who go to provide encouragement, support and wisdom.

So what is it like, crossing the frontiers? I won’t deny that I found it hard at first, going to a university church. I worried about my children growing up without lots of Christian kids their own age. I worried that no-one would want to talk to me - after all, what 20-year-old wants to hang out with a 40-something woman surrounded by noisy children? My instinct was to retreat to the back of the church, serve supper, feed my kids, and talk to the few women my age: to leave the boundaries between age groups uncrossed and unchallenged.

I’d love to claim some great godliness that helped me overcome this self-absorption, but I can’t. What happened was that, one memorable morning, I prayed about my attitude to church, and God’s Spirit convicted me that I was acting like a spoiled child: self-centred, self-conscious, self-pitying. Too wrapped up in myself to love those around me. Too concerned about what people thought of me to be concerned about them. Too obsessed with my own needs to consider the needs of others. I wept, repented, and asked for God’s help to start again.

In God’s very good timing – how often he brings us to the end of ourselves before he brings about a change in our circumstances! – the women in our church got together the following week. Older, younger, student, graduate, mother, teenager: we laughed and ate and swapped our stories. We met again, and talked about how we could better encourage each other. We met again, read Titus 2:3-5, and saw how God wants older and younger women to be involved in each other’s lives. Soon, I’ll start meeting regularly with two younger women to read the Bible and pray. It’s no coincidence that, at the very point I stopped worrying about whether I belonged, I felt a sense of belonging.

I’m beginning to see how important it is that I’m here, right now, in this church, being encouraged by and encouraging these particular women. In a few years time, when they get married and have kids, or wonder if they’ll stay single, or start out in work and ministry, I hope I’ll be beside them, helping them find the way into mature Christian womanhood. I look back to when I was a student going to a university church, and I’m deeply grateful to the older single people, couples and families who came along, modelled the Christian life for us, and taught and trained us in godliness. There’s a richness of encouragement that happens between Christians of different ages and stages that’s beautiful to see.

What about our kids? Is it fair to them, going to a church with only a few other children and teenagers?3 Our two younger boys are loved and cared for by a bunch of enthusiastic young people who enjoy having them around, and who are learning to lead as they teach them in Sunday School. Our older son enjoys hanging out with the godly young men who surround him. Our teenage daughter is excited about being mentored by a lovely young Christian woman. Our marriage and family are a lived-out, messy, week-by-week example for many who never experienced a Christian family growing up. In the end, it’s not the patterns of church that matter to us and our children: what matters is that the gospel is taught, and they are loved and prayed for by the members of our church family.

Not everyone is built to be a church invader. We know many Christians – single workers, couples with young children, retirees – who do their best ministry loving and serving people in a similar situation to their own. We’ve advised others, who find it hard to get to church at all, to go to a church that’s designed for their needs. But even if you don’t invade a church, do invade people’s lives. Be aware of the unseen boundaries that cross churches: old and young, married and single, privileged and disadvantaged, we’re all part of the body of Christ (Gal 3:28; Col 3:11). Think about who might feel in the minority, even if they hide it well. Invest time in younger Christians, and seek out the wisdom of older Christians. Invite people who are different from you into your life.

But perhaps you are built to be a church invader. Maybe you’re an older person who’s good at relating to young people, a member of a family who would like to reach out to single workers, or a young person who’s never seen a Christian marriage in action. If that’s the case, why not choose a church where you don’t naturally belong? Why not choose a church, not because it meets your needs, but because it needs you? Why not make a home for others in a place that feels far from home? Why not become a church invader? We’d love to have you along!


1. Actually, there were a couple of moves along the way, but I’m simplifying the story for the sake of clarity. ↩
2. I don’t want to comment on which approach to church is best: homogeneous or heterogeneous. I think there are benefits to both approaches. ↩
3. I’m often questioned about this. I was recently helped by an alternate point of view, offered by Kathy Keller in Why the city is a wonderful place to raise children. ↩


This post was first published at The Briefing today.

image is by The Arches from flickr

what I'm reading: being a grandma - or older woman - from Melbourne's Child

What does Titus 2:3-5 mean when you're a grandmother? What does it mean when you're an 'older woman' caring for younger women with babies? I think this model (from Rose O'Reilly's article Time to Care in June's Melbourne's Child*) is really helpful (and it includes some interesting reflections on retirement too):

The matter of how much grandparents can or should help out with the new generation always requires sensitive negotiation. When my eldest grandchild was born, I didn't help enough. It was only after the difficult early weeks were over that I realised that a couple of hours a week minding the baby was not all that the new parents had needed. They'd needed advice and reassurance, and an extra pair of hands when the baby wouldn't feed properly, or sleep, or stop crying. They'd needed me to be there; but I was off chasing a passion of my own...

Many older people have a lot of freedom, and we tend to think that we deserve it after so many years of working and raising our own children; but life doesn't work like that, and neither does family. There may be a few years that are all our own,** between when our children become independent and when their babies start to arrive. Then the new family demands begin - and they are demands of the nicest kind.

All too soon those gorgeous grandbabies, those miraculous little cooing bundles of brag material, will grow up and be gone. Then we'll be able to spend the rest of our lives shopping for screwdrivers or going on cruises.** I for one will find these things a poor substitute.

* Or Sydney's Child, or Perth's Child, or...
** Or devoted to serving Jesus with all our energy - which I hope goes for all of life, retired or not!

woman to woman (7) conclusion: becoming an older woman

This is the final post in my series woman to woman. It's about the woman I want to become.

When I think about growing older (something I'm increasingly aware of!), these words by John Piper remind me of who I want to become:

One of the challenges I repeatedly hold out to the people of our church—especially the women—is that they make it one of their aims to age into a sage. I love the vision of older women full of seasoned spiritual fruit that comes only with long life and much affliction and deep meditation on the Word of God. So many younger women yearn for older women, who are deeply wise, to share the wisdom God has taught them over the years.

When I was a young woman, I longed for the encouragement of an older woman. As I grow older, I hope to become the kind of woman I longed for. I hope to fill this gap in the lives of young women around me.

This isn't just my dream. Every Christian woman has a responsibility to help women who are younger in age or in the faith to grow in godly womanhood. If you're a Christian woman and this doesn't lie close to your heart and shape your priorities, you need to ask yourself why. We don't all have the same gifts—we will respond to God's call in Titus 2 in different ways—but our Lord Jesus Christ has committed younger women to our care.

The desire of my heart is to see a new generation of Titus 2 women in our churches—older women who devote themselves to teaching and training young women. Wouldn't it be wonderful if you and I committed to asking God to raise up women like this? In the meantime, let's be the answer to our own prayers.

Quote is from John Piper When I Don't Desire God 109-110.

This series is based on my article Woman to woman: Answering the call of Titus 2.

woman to woman (6c) getting practical: everday ideas for women encouraging women

Here's my final list of practical tips for women encouraging women. This time, they're for younger women. It's easy to complain there's no-one to mentor us, but too often, we don't notice the women God has given us. How can we seek encouragement from older women?

3. As the younger woman

• Remember that you can learn from older women even when they're not theologically informed or trained in formal ministry. Respect older women and what they've learned and have to offer. Listen.
• Attach yourself to older women you respect, and ask questions. Seek out women who are standing firm in their faith, who have persevered through suffering, who have a heart for evangelism, who have raised their children well, who respect their husbands, or who trust God through long-term singleness or childlessness. Write down questions to ask them.
• Ask an older woman to mentor you, to read a book with you, or, if it's less intimidating, to pray with you. Older women may not realize what they have to offer, or may not want to push themselves forward. It may be up to you to take the initiative.
• Find an older woman who excels in a particular kind of ministry—hospital visitation, walk-up evangelism, cooking for large gatherings—and ask if you can go along to learn from her.
• Call an older woman and ask for advice and prayer the next time you struggle to pray, manage your time well or love those you live with.
• When there are no older women available, seek mentoring from a distance. Read biographies of Christian women who stood firm. Read books and listen to talks by Christian women.

Any other ideas?

Thanks, Jenny, for the idea for this post.

image is from stock.xchng (I think!)

woman to woman (6b) getting practical: everday ideas for women encouraging women

Here are some more suggestions for women encouraging women, this time for those of you who have an official (or unofficial) role in your church facilitating relationships between older and younger women.

2. As the facilitator

• Speak respectfully about older women in your church. Model this respect to others.
• Build bridges between younger women and older women in your church. Organize mixed gatherings. Prompt older women to contact younger women. Include women of different ages in prayer partnerships and Bible study groups.
• Organize seminars for women with speakers you can trust. Run a book club for women. If you run a Bible study, occasionally run topical studies on areas of interest to women.
• Remember how isolated many single and childless women feel. Run women's events and Bible studies at times that suit working women. Organize get-togethers for women without obvious friendship groups.
• Train women in Titus 2 ministry and mentoring. If you don't have the skills to train them, find someone who does and ask them to lead a training day at your church.
• Mentor a younger woman and encourage her to mentor someone else.

Any other ideas?

With thanks to my friend Jenny, who came up with the idea for this post.

image is from sashamd at flickr

woman to woman (6a) getting practical: everday ideas for women encouraging women

Here's a brilliant list of suggestions for older women seeking to encourage younger women. My friend Jenny, queen of lists, came up with this one. Add your own ideas!

What's your place in women's discipleship? Do you see yourself as a young woman, an older woman, or a facilitator of discipleship relationships between younger and older women? It's likely you fit all three categories! Whichever group you belong to, here's some practical suggestions.

1. As the older woman

• Talk about yourself. Share your life, thoughts, and struggles. Let younger women “see your progress” (1 Tim 4:15).
• Ask lots of questions. Listen. Be interested. Be slow to give unsolicited advice.
• Tell women what you've been reading or thinking about. They might not say much, but they are listening.
• Keep on hand some favourite books to lend or give away. Ask follow-up questions. Read a book about womanhood with a younger woman.
• Share how you read the Bible and pray. Talk about how you deal with temptations to worry or gossip.
• Invite women into your home. Let them see how you run things. Teach a young woman how to make and keep a budget. Don't try to make your house look perfect.
• If you're married, welcome a single woman into your family, especially on difficult occasions like New Year's Eve. Let her see your struggles so she doesn't idolize marriage and family life.
• If you're single, model godliness in long-term singleness: show how your trust remains firmly in the Lord and how you serve him in your circumstances. Model godly relationships with the opposite sex.
• Give practical help to younger women. Look after a single mum's kids. Ask an international student over for dinner. Visit a depressed woman every week. Clean or do a load of washing for others during times of stress.
• Enlist young women's help in helping others. Spend a day together cooking casseroles for people in your church. Visit an old peoples' home. Teach Sunday school together.
• Be generous with praise and encouragement: “It's great seeing you reaching out to women at work” or “Your children are a delight. You're doing just fine; hang in there.” But don't flatter for the sake of it.
• Be intentional when you go to church. Sit next to a younger woman and ask how she's going as a Christian. Pray for the women at church.
• Befriend the teenage girls in your church. Go to the young people's service.
• Be involved in women's lives. Ring them up. Remember their details and ask about them.
• Write a younger woman an encouraging note, telling her how you've seen her grow in godliness.
• Call a young woman each week and ask how you can pray for her.

Any other ideas?

These suggestions are based on a list created by my friend Jenny Moody, with input from Carmelina Read, Alison Payne and Karen Beilharz. I've also drawn on Susan Hunt's Spiritual Mothering, an excellent source of practical ideas for women's ministry to women.

image is from dr. zaro at flickr

woman to woman (4c) a Titus 2 curriculum: biblical womanhood

God has given us an important role in the lives of younger women: to teach and train them in godly womanhood (Titus 2:3-5). We've seen how this can happen in all kinds of ways, like young mums' Bible studies, book clubs, and letter-writing. But what are we to teach? So far, we've talked about the gospel and sound doctrine; today, I talk about biblical womanhood (a huge topic you can read more about in this series).

3. Biblical womanhood

Women also need to hear about God's glorious plan for womanhood. Manhood and womanhood were not an afterthought in God's design for humanity. From the moment of creation, God made us male and female, equal before God, with different roles and responsibilities. The woman was made to be the man's ‘helper’, serving God in light of the created order (Gen 1-3, 1 Tim 2:11-15).

Titus 2:3-5 spells out what this looks like in the life of a young, married woman with children. She is to love her husband and children, stay pure and self-controlled, manage her home and practise kindness, and be submissive to her husband. This isn't an exhaustive list, nor does it mean that a married woman shouldn't do paid work outside the home, as long as this supports, rather than undermines, her commitment to home and family (cf. Prov 31). But it does show where her primary focus lies.

Yet we must be careful not to use Titus 2:3-5 to encourage women to idolize home and family. As Nicole Starling says,

These particular instructions to women in Titus 2:3-5 are meant to sail on an ocean of general instruction given in the Bible for all of us as Christians: without an awareness of that big ocean of the Bible's teaching about Jesus and the kingdom of God, the Titus 2 boat can end up bobbing around harmlessly and inoffensively in the backyard swimming pool of suburban materialism, going nowhere.2

Much teaching on Titus 2:3-5 subtly encourages household idolatry. Singleness becomes a waiting room for marriage, rather than an opportunity to serve Christ with undivided attention (1 Cor 7:32-35), and the family home becomes an end in itself, rather than a place to reach out to others.3

But Titus 2:3-5 encourages young women not only to ‘work at home’ but also to be “kind”.4 In 1 Timothy 5:9-10, the word ‘kind’ is linked to many good deeds of godly women—not just bringing up children, but also showing hospitality, serving Christians, and caring for the needy. A godly woman's home is not only a secure refuge, but also a base for loving, serving and reaching out to others.

2 Nicole Starling, ‘Transformed by Titus 2’, 1 September 2008, http://equipbooks.blogspot.com/2008/09/chapter-1-transformed-by-titus-2.html.

3 Carolyn Mahaney's Feminine Appeal (Crossway, Wheaton, 2004), the best book I've read on Titus 2:3-5, occasionally has this tendency.

4 ‘Agathos’, the Greek word for ‘kind’ in Titus 2:5, is almost always translated ‘good’ in the ESV and NIV, and is used frequently in Titus for the ‘good deeds’ characteristic of Christians responding to God's grace (see Titus 1:8, 16, 2:5, 3:1).

image is from stock.xchng

a letter from Meredith

Here's another great way for women to encourage women: letter-writing.

I was tidying the enormous pile of papers near my phone recently (including an alarmingly large number of forms I haven't filled in) when I found a letter from Meredith, written 6 months before she started blogging in January 2009. I also found a plastic packet full of cards and letters sent after my father-in-law died.

It seemed an appropriate (re)discovery, since Meredith's letter says she'd decided not to start a blog so she could use her spare moments to write letters (a decision she revised a few months later) and since she's just written her last blog post so she can get on with writing letters.

Letters. They're an increasingly uncommon way to encourage people, but they're more meaningful than an email and more personal than a blog. They show someone has made the effort to put pen to paper, and I've seen again and again how they bring comfort and encouragement during times of hardship or grief.

Near the end of Meredith's letter she wrote out the words to this wonderful hymn by Horatio Bonar (1808-1889):

Thy way, not mine, O Lord,
However dark it be;
Lead me by Thine own hand,
Choose out the path for me.

Smooth let it be or rough,
It will be still the best;
Winding or straight, it leads
Right onward to Thy rest.

I dare not choose my lot;
I would not, if I might;
Choose Thou for me, my God,
So I shall walk aright.

Take Thou my cup, and it
With joy or sorrow fill,
As best to Thee may seem;
Choose Thou my good and ill.

Choose Thou for me my friends,
My sickness or my health;
Choose Thou my cares for me
My poverty or wealth.

The kingdom that I seek
Is Thine: so let the way
That leads to it be Thine,
Else I must surely stray.

Not mine, not mine the choice
In things or great or small;
Be Thou my Guide, my Strength
My Wisdom, and my All.

Keep writing, Meredith!

image is from a.drian at flickr

guest post: Deb on the book club that's not a book club

How do you encourage other women when you don't have much time? Here's a brilliant idea from Deb: the book club that's not a book club. You could easily run something similar at your church - because it doesn't take much running at all.

Is it a regular book club? No. It all started, funnily enough, after reading your blog.

I was reading a lot about ministry and family, and some of your posts about balancing ministry and family in particular. I was also reading posts from your blog and EQUIP books about Carolyn Mahaney's Feminine Appeal.

I was ordering the book when I thought to myself, "I'm going to read this book anyway. Why not see if anyone else wants to read it too?" I thought I'd end up meeting with two people [many more came!]. I made it a one-off meeting because that's all I felt I could reasonably commit to and I thought people would be more likely to join in if it was only a single meeting time too.

This is my plan [she's done this twice now]: if I'm going to read a book I think might have wider appeal, and if it's not too soon after I've invited people to join in with the last book, I send around an email to every woman in the church directory (even if I don't know them!) and invite them to join in.

I make it clear that it's a general invite, and if they're not interested to just press delete and forget about it. So no pressure. I offer to do the ordering for them if they want, or they can chase their own copy.

I have given myself a couple of rules about the books I choose to share:

(1) It's a book I haven't read before. I don't want to start going down the path of reading a book and then thinking, "Now, the women in my church have a real problem in this area and I think they ought to all read this book." I'm working on "the plank in my own eye" principle. I try to do some firm investigating into the book to check that it's not going to have dodgy theology but that's not too hard to do.

(2) It's a book I'm going to read anyway. That links into the first rule - not choosing books because you think they are going "fix" other people - and also means that if no one, or only two, people want to join in, it's no big deal to me. I was going to read the book anyway. So I don't worry too much about the book selection in the sense of trying to find a book that the maximum number of women in the congregation will enjoy. I just pick a book I'm going to appreciate, and learn from, and go from there.

So that all flowed from the idea of balancing ministry and family. With a young family, I'm not up to much external ministry at present. But if I think about extending what I already do as an individual to include other people, I can manage to be involved in God's work without driving myself into the ground.

images are from Landahlauts and chelmsfordpubliclibrary at flickr

when Titus 2 gets down and dirty: how to lead a mums' Bible study in the middle of a creche (2) the leading bit

You've baby-proofed the house. You've put a child-friendly DVD on the television. You've set out some tempting toys, and placed morning tea on the pint-sized table. You retreat into the next room, leaving the door open, and pick up your Bibles.

What next? How do you lead a Bible study with a group of mums when you'll be interrupted every 5 minutes? Here's 9 things I've learned (much of this applies to any Bible study):

• Allow time for chatting, but start on time. We meet at 10.00 for a 10.30 start. This gives women time to arrive and chat (nothing like motherhood to mess with your ability to get out the door!) but means we have enough time to do a Bible study and pray before lunch, even with interruptions.
• Have the courage to lead. This is especially important when everyone's struggling to concentrate! Keep the discussion on track, draw women out, and sum up as you go. It can be helpful for everyone's addled brains if you stop asking questions and do some "teaching" here and there.
• Be very, very clear. With everyone's attention wandering, make the steps of your study very clear: "Today we'll be covering...", "So far we've learned...", "As so-and-so said...", "Now we're going to look at...", "The three main points are...". Summarise as you go, and again at the end. List women's responses to a question (note them down if it helps). Conclude with a few clear application points. When you get home, send an email to remind everyone what you learned.
• Focus on people not the task. If I get through my elaborately prepared study and women go away overwhelmed and confused, I've achieved nothing. Go with the flow, get a feel for where people are at, be flexible as you deal with disturbances, and ensure women are cared for during the week.
• Pause for interruptions, but don't go too long. If a woman (or 3) needs to leave the room to change a nappy or check on the kids, don't worry: just pause the study for a few minutes, or keep it going and summarise when they return. Keep your study to under an hour: if you go too long, the kids will lose patience and the mums will lose concentration.
• Don't expect too much. I've never forgotten the week I was part of the group. Sure enough, I found my mind slipping sideways! It gave me great sympathy for those who sit and try to concentrate every week, and helped me understand how much to expect.
• Have confidence in God's word when everything falls apart. Sometimes we can't get our mummy brains into gear. Sometimes we can barely hear through the wall of noise (I once broke into a shout just to be heard!). It doesn't matter. When God's people meet around God's word - even if we only hear a small part of it! - he's there with us (Matt 18:20), and his word is powerful and effective (Isa 55:11, Heb 4:12). He'll make sure we hear what we need to hear.
• Pray. Serve everyone by leading the prayer time after the Bible study, even if it means doing all the praying yourself. Ask for one prayer point and one way each person wants to change in response to the study, write them down, then pray. Pray for the women in your group before you lead the study. Pray for them on the way home. Pray.
• Laugh. You'll need it.

images are from PeteSuze and Nongbri Family Pix at flickr

guest post: Deb on how I want ministry to be

My friend Deb hosts discussions about Christian books for women from her church at her house (more about this wonderful ministry another day). Here are some musings she sent me after this ministry got a little inconvenient the other night, about the kind of ministry we'd all like to do.

I thought I'd tell you what I've learnt about myself and ministry today in light of preparing to host tomorrow night's event:

1. I want ministry to be with people I like. Not awkward people who don't think like me.
2. I want ministry to be convenient. I'd like to organize it to give me as little discomfort as possible.
3. I want ministry to go well. I want it to achieve its purpose. I don't want to do ministry that fails. That would feel awful and waste my time.
4. I want other people to agree with my ministry. To see it as valuable and helpful. To approve of me and my wonderful efforts.
5. I want my ministry to be somehow beneficial to me at the same time. I don't want it to be all about someone else.
6. I want ministry to be safe and friendly for me. Definitely not something scary or risky. Something warm and comforting.
7. I want ministry that's interesting. I don't want to be involved in useful but boring jobs. I'd be wasted doing those sort of things. Unless they were easy. And somewhere warm. And didn't take up time that I'd want to use for something better. Then I'd do it. Want me to stuff envelopes in a warm office with a group of like-minded friends over a cup of tea while my husband entertains our children at home? Yep, I'm there! Set up the church hall in the cold with the weird couple who sit two rows up? I'm way too busy with my small children thanks.

Yep. That's what I realized today that I really think about ministry. I just don't say it aloud.

So that's good - off to do some repenting.

image is from Alicakes* at flickr

when Titus 2 gets down and dirty: how to lead a mums' Bible study in the middle of a creche (2) preparation

Last week I described the chaotic world of our mum's Bible study, and asked how you lead a discussion when you can't even hear yourselves speak. This week, I'll talk about preparing the study; next week, about leading it.

How do you prepare a Bible study for a group where everyone has mummy brain and you know you'll be interrupted every 5 minutes? Here are 8 things I've learned - mostly by making every mistake in the book. Please add your own ideas!

• Choose a short study booklet (or write your own studies). We don't attempt Interactive Bible Studies (I use them in preparation, but not for our discussions): instead, we use Good Book Guides or Pathway Bible Guides, or I write my own.
• Consider doing only half a study each week. It took us half a year (a glorious half year) to get through Women of Faith, as we spread each study over 2 (and in one case, 4) weeks.
• Come ready to make a single point. It took me a while to realise it, but gone are the days of complex Bible studies. We know we've been encouraged when we go away with one new, rich thought from the Bible in our heads. Often, that's all our heads are capable of holding during this stage of our lives!
• Prepare well. Just because everyone else's brains are on hold doesn't mean yours should be. The better you know the passage, the more clearly you'll teach it, which is important when people are running on empty. Make sure your one point is faithful to the passage and helpful for those who come.

• Allow yourself to be changed by the Bible. How can anyone else be affected by God's word if you're not? It's often said that you shouldn't prepare Bible studies during your quiet times; I don't have time for such fine distinctions, so I immerse myself in the week's passage every morning, until I can't wait to share what I've learned.
• Mix things up. Bring along a questionnaire, game or visual aid. There's nothing like a map, a brainstorm, or some Brick Testament (on one memorable occasion we watched the story of Deborah) to focus everyone's attention.
• If you read a book together, make it a good but easy read. Long and densely theological doesn't go well with mummy brain (I learned this the hard way). Try a punchy book like Carolyn Mahaney's Feminine Appeal or Ed Moll & Tim Chester's Gospel Centred Family.
• If you don't have time to prepare well, read the Bible together anyway. Some of the richest Bible studies for me have been when I turned up empty and went away surprised and challenged by God's word.

images are by chthonic and REL Waldman from flickr

when Titus 2 gets down and dirty: how to lead a mums' Bible study in the middle of a creche (1)

A baby wails. The Playschool theme song ("There's a chair in there...") echoes through the open door. A 3-year-old pulls a rattling toy across the room. "Mu-um!" whines a toddler, tugging at her mother's jeans. The smell of a ripe nappy wafts past. One woman jumps up to check the progress of the lasagna we're having for lunch; another picks up her crying baby and begins to breastfeed him.

A toddler vomits his excess morning tea on the floor. A 2-year-old runs in crying because her blonde curls just received an impromptu haircut from another child. A fist-fight erupts in the next room. We barely blink an eye as we grab a towel, wipe away tears, administer discipline, and get back to the conversation...what were we talking about again?

No, it's not a new mums' group. It's our weekly Bible study, and this is a normal Thursday morning. Squashed next to me on the couch is my clingy 3-year-old, trying to get my attention as I lead the discussion. Six other mums sit nearby, struggling to focus through a fog of sleep deprivation, pregnancy hormones, and the distraction of wondering what that crash was in the next room...

So what do you do when Titus 2 gets down and dirty? How do you prepare and lead a Bible study for a group of young mums when you don't have a child-minder? I've been performing this far from delicate balancing act for 2 years now, and in case you find yourself in a similar situation, here's what I've learned.

Stay tuned for the next exciting installment. In the meantime, why not share your own suggestions, experiences, or memorable Bible study group moments?

image is from Mistress B at flickr

woman to woman (4b) a Titus 2 curriculum: the Bible and sound doctrine

In Titus 2:3-5 God encourages older women to teach younger women. But what are we to teach? Top of the list is the gospel of grace; second on the list is God's word and big truths about God.

2. The Bible and sound doctrine

It's sometimes argued that women shouldn't teach doctrine, even to women. That's because the list in Titus 2:4-5 focuses on lifestyle, not doctrine, and because men are responsible for the teaching and theological direction of a church (1 Tim 2:11-15, 1 Cor 14:26-39).

But if older women are to teach young women what “accords with sound doctrine” (Titus 2:1), older women need to understand great truths about God and learn to handle the word of God correctly (2 Tim 2:15). When I mentor a young woman, I begin with the same topics as my husband when he mentors a young man: salvation, assurance, the authority of the Bible, and so on. As needed, I'll address topics like the Trinity, the role of the Spirit and predestination. The main thing we'll do is simply learn from God's word together.

At the heart of godly womanhood is confident trust in God—an inner strength that comes from a deep knowledge of the Bible and of God's sovereign purposes. Only a woman who ‘hopes in God’ and who ‘doesn't fear what is frightening’ will have the courage for submission, and will display “the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit” (1 Pet 3:1-7). Women, like men, need roots that go deep into God's word and God's truth.

In her book One to One, Sophie de Witt says that the Bible, prayer and friendship are the three pillars of discipleship. Do you open the Bible when you encourage other women? Do you help each other understand the big truths of the Bible? What stops us from doing this?

image is from jhall987 at flickr

how to encourage a younger woman and be honest at the same time

Here's an email exchange between me and my dear friend and mentor Heather (some of you will know who I'm talking about!).

Her email to me is a good example of how to encourage a younger woman while being honest about life's difficulties. I've taken out some of the personal details, but Heather gave me permission to share the rest with you.

Like the women in last week's post, Heather is honest about how tough things can be; but unlike them, she doesn't leave it there: she talks about God's ongoing faithfulness to her and how he brought good out of her suffering. I was warmed, uplifted, and encouraged by her email, and God used her words to replace my persistent discouragement and doubt with hope and faith.

I'll start with my rather gloomy message to her - inspired, I might add, by the warning of an older woman in the long-distant past about how life gets harder all the time!

Dear Heather,

Thanks for your lovely newsy email. ... It is good to hear about how you are going – although troubling too, I’m sorry about all the health issues [with sick parents] ... I’ve been wondering how on earth you’re managing to juggle everything ...

Not sure how you do it. I feel like I’m drowning under life’s demands and my complete lack of organisation. This year has been really tough, with whooping cough, looking for high schools for Lizzy, and conflict and change at our church, on top of which I’ve been sick on and off this whole last month or two, so I’m pretty exhausted.

My sister-in-law says that her last year with a child full-time at home was wonderful, and I keep comparing my year to hers and feeling guilty about not enjoying my last year with Andy more! But life is what it is, and even though I think I’ve got the balance between ministry and family pretty right now, I’m still very busy (aren’t we all?) and it’s been a tough year – nothing I had any control over.

I keep reminding myself that God is in control (even when I’m not!) but it’s hard to find this reassuring. Is all this normal? I look at your life and think it’s only going to get harder! Where do you find the strength?

Love Jean.

Here's her response.

Hi Jean,

So sorry to hear that you are feeling so like you are drowning. It has been a really tough year for you guys – thank God Steve’s long service leave is coming up!!!!

In my experience life just happens in different ways to different people and some years are easy and some are hard. It isn’t necessarily the same for everyone. Just like some people have an easy time when their kids are bubs and a harder time when they are adult and others have the reverse. In my experience too those that have it too easy often don’t learn to depend on God as deeply as those who have it tough. I think all my models of Christian godliness have learned it through the school of hard knocks.

Don’t presume that my life has always been as rough as it has been over the last couple of years. My first year in Melbourne was pretty easy ( except for the self imposed stresses of settling into a new city / job etc). Things only started hotting up the following year after Andrew’s Mum had her first bad stroke.

I have often thanked God for such a stress-free year when we first arrived. I think he knew the move was all I could cope with at the time!!!! It is only since we settled into life here and built friendships and a support network that the difficulties began. God’s preservation I am sure!

Don’t look at my life and get scared. Many of my stresses are self imposed (Andrew’s change in job and the shift to Doncaster and the decision to study to enhance my ministry etc). Others are just a new life stage with aging parents – you experienced one aspect of this when David died. It’s hard, but like parenting you get better at dealing with it as you go.

I look at my life at the moment and see hardships but also heaps of blessing. [She talks about God’s mercy in bringing her baby grandson safely through a serious illness, and gives some personal examples of how grief and suffering have brought members of her extended family closer to one another and to God.]

I sometimes think I am just a slow learner and need to learn everything the hard way! But God has taught me so much through the episodes of hardship I’ve faced over the last few years that I feel privileged to have the opportunity to grow so much in my relationship with him even after about 45 years of Christian walk.

Will continue to pray for you and the family

Love

Heather

In an interesting postscript, I sent this post to Heather for her approval. She received it at a particularly discouraging moment and wrote to me, "It is good to read this over and be once more reminded of the security God has proven time and time again that I have as I trust in him. Strange that even my own words telling of his love and tenderness in caring for us can come back and provide comfort!". So our words of encouragement to others return to encourage ourselves.

image is from InspirationDC at flickr

13 ways to discourage a younger woman

I've been reading the truly excellent book Intimate Issues by Linda Durrow and Lorraine Pintus. If you're a woman and you're married, it should be on your reading list! I'd like to review it someday, but in the meantime, here's a post inspired by this book.

Here's a story from Linda Durrow and Lorraine Pintus's Intimate Issues:

I (Linda) walked away from the Bible study feeling ridiculed and put down. I had been married five years and was teaching about the priorities of a woman's life. That morning I had made the statement that our relationship with our husbands should continue to grow in every area, including the sexual. An older woman laughed and condescendingly quipped, "Linda, you're young and naive. Just wait until you've been married twenty years. Sex gets old - you'll see."

Ouch! This story got me thinking about how easily we can discourage younger women. Here's 13 statements you can use to discourage a younger woman. Please add your own ideas!

1. "You think toddlers are hard. Just wait till they're teenagers!"
(or, "You've got a good relationship with your daughter now, but wait till she's older!")

2. "It's really annoying, but my husband expects sex at least once a week. The older I get, the less I enjoy it."

3. "If you follow this program, your babies will sleep through the night. All my babies slept through the night."

4. "I've been struggling with the same sin for 20 years. I never change."

5. "Life just keeps getting harder. Your body stops working. Relationships break down. Your parents and then your friends get sick and die. Your best years are behind you."

6. "It's great that you're trying to exercise (or trying not to gossip, or trying to be more patient, or ... ), but I bet you'll give it up in a month or two."

7. "No-one ever reads the Bible or prays when they have young kids. I didn't." (or, "I read the Bible and prayed every day when I had young kids. You just have to be organised.")

8. "No man ever really listens."

9. "Godly women get up early / keep up to date with their laundry / decorate their tables every night / fill the blank ........... ."

10. "I don't know why I bother. The women in this church just aren't ministry-minded."

11. "You husband ... [insert critical comment here] / My husband ... [insert whining comment here]."

12. "Now your kids are all at school, when are you going back to work? What are you going to do with all your spare time?"

13. "I work full-time. I keep my home and family running smoothly. I lead the women's Bible study. I evangelise my neighbours. I ... "

Any other ideas - perhaps something you've said to a younger woman, or an older woman has said to you?

image is from russelljsmith at flickr