an update on how we're going

So how is Ben, I hear you ask (some of you literally)? And how am I?

Well, Tuesday - two weeks ago - was a turning-point, both in what was happening inside me (more about that another day) and with Ben. I think that's why I felt ready to publish a cry of hopelessness, which waited in the wings for weeks.

At that point Ben had been sick for over a month with constant headaches (it's not the first time: last year, he missed both a term and a month of school). Some days it was a migraine, so severe that he could only lie in a darkened room; other days, a headache far worse than what you or I might call a "bad headache". He stayed home from school and bore it with silent resignation.

Not easy to watch when you're a mother.

Every night I'd lie awake and pray, over and over, "Please heal him, Lord. Please let him be better in the morning." Every morning I'd wake up and think, "Maybe this morning he'll be better" - then I'd look in his eyes and see the shadow of a headache. Every day I'd sink a little deeper into discouragement.

Until that Tuesday, when he woke with a worse migraine than usual, and I rang his paediatrician and said, in essence, "We've had enough. Do something!" And she sent us to the hospital and all my Facebook friends prayed and we found ourselves in the emergency department (that's it in the picture above). And I sat in a chair in a little room and watched a drip running into Ben's arm and enjoyed the silence (rest! peace! It's a little sad, but I have a soft spot for hospitals).

While we were there, Ben was interrogated and examined by no less than 3 doctors. We saw one of the top paediatric neurologists - something that wasn't supposed to happen, Ben's chart didn't ask for it, but someone (providentially!) stuffed up along the line - and Ben got a new diagnosis and a new medication.

So what's his diagnosis? Chronic daily headaches (you can google it) as well as migraines.

Hearing that your child has a chronic condition isn't easy. I've shed many tears of shock and grief during the last two weeks. But it's also a relief. Why? How can it be comforting to discover your son is chronically ill?

Because we now have an explanation for why Ben's headaches haven't gone away. We know what to expect. We know what to do. I don't feel so helpless. I don't wake up every morning wondering if his headache has gone away in the night (although we will keep praying that it does) only to have my hopes dashed.

We know that progress will probably be slow. We know what Ben needs: a clear structure to his days, as much school as possible, good stress management, and daily exercise. We don't wake up wondering if he should go to school: we just help him to lead as normal a life as possible.

Every morning he gets his uniform on and I pack him into the car (no more time spent second-guessing his condition and wondering if he's well enough). Every morning my husband walks our younger boys to school (no more trying to do it all by myself). Most lunchtimes I get a call from the school asking me to pick him up, and he comes home quiet and pale.

And yes, he's in pain. And yes, it's hard for him to concentrate. And yes, he usually can't last the day. But he makes it through the first four hours of school, and he loves learning, and he has good friends and amazing teachers, and the year 7 coordinator and his mentor give him constant, attentive care. I am so thankful for these things.

Our paediatrician called us "A family in crisis", and she's right. But we're also pulling together, perhaps more than we ever have. My husband takes Ben swimming. I take him for walks. We pray and talk and, even, laugh. I'm so grateful for a husband who puts his needs aside to care for us at the end of every long day.

Now that I know what to expect, I also know what I need to get through this: the support of my family, my neighbour, my friends. Rest, exercise, an emptier timetable. Plenty of Bible and prayer. And the joy of having people like you say to me, "I'm thinking of you. How can I help? How can I pray?" That means the world to me.

Couch to 5K - week 1

Week one
Begin with a brisk 5-minute walk, then alternate 60 seconds of running and 90 seconds of walking, for a total of 20 minutes.


I'm no jogger (dodgy knees, not athletic enough, walking is for me). Yet here I am, jogging, feet thudding through the parkland near our house.

Not sure what brought this on! A hand-me-down iPhone from my mum? An article about apps like Couch to 5K? The slow-burning realisation that, when I break briefly into a run during my walks, I actually enjoy it?

Mostly, it's because I made just one resolution for 2013: to get more exercise. I spent 2012 in front of the computer - at least that's how it felt - and I'm fed up with that well-padded, lethargic, energy-less me. So here I am, jogging.

I'm surprised to find that it's fun. It's hard, yes. A whole minute! And then another one! And then another! It doesn't sound like much, but my legs and lungs aren't used to this, and they're soon complaining.

But I get home, and I'm hot and puffed, and I sit next to my husband - so far the trajectory of this has been 1K to couch, not couch to 5K - and I'm smiling from ear to ear. All those promised endorphins have kicked in and I'm exhilarated and energised.

I learn a few things this first week:

• don't jog in 40 degree heat. Yup, I tried it. And came as close to heat stroke as I never want to be again.
• it's not a good idea to run on a full stomach. Eat breakfast, then wait an hour, then jog. Or jog first. Otherwise you'll be sluggish and slow.
• boppy music makes a great jogging companion. It puts a spring in your step. Later on, I'll find I can listen to slower music; but right now, I need the bop.
• the occasional stitch in the side is to be expected. They go away soon. Or at least they did for me.

That's the end of the first week. And so far I'm loving it.


How did you find week 1 of Couch to 5K? Tell us here.

what's the point of marriage (5) conclusion: the three colours of marriage

When I was six, I had a book that seemed like magic. Each page had two line drawings printed on top of each other. Seen together, the two images looked like a mess. But at the back of the book were sheets of translucent red and green plastic. When you folded them over the images, two pictures sprang to life in turn. An egg hatched into a chicken. Tadpoles turned into frogs. A puppy grew into a dog.

Reading three books on marriage has been a bit like that. Marriage is a complex and mysterious thing. Sometimes it can be hard to distinguish its contours through the mess on the page. But viewed through a different colour—as a mirror of the divine marriage, a spiritual friendship, or a partnership of service—it shines with a different light.

So what is marriage for? I started by arguing that one, overall goal would be more helpful than the three traditional goals for marriage. Yet we are still left with three goals, looking in three directions:

• Marriage looks upward—its purpose is to display God’s glory by presenting a picture of the covenant between Christ and the church. 
• Marriage looks inward—its purpose is spiritual friendship leading to holiness, as husband and wife partner each other on the journey to glory.
• Marriage looks outward—its purpose is to serve God in partnership as we rule and care for his world and make Jesus known. 

It would be neat and satisfying to conclude this article by pointing at a goal and saying ‘that one’, but I can’t. I suspect the Bible’s teaching on marriage is so richly textured that it can sustain all three. And I think they’re in the right order: marriage should first be God-directed, then characterized by faithful love and joyful intimacy (Deut 24:5), and then, if it’s not to become insular and selfish, pour itself out in loving service.1

Marriage looks upward, inward, and outward. Like a three-legged stool, if it lacks a leg it will stumble and fall. Yet ultimately marriage looks forward, to the day when our small marriages will be swallowed up by a greater one. For marriage is a temporary permanence, a life-long bond that draws its final breath only when we do. As we step into eternity, all the purposes of marriage will find their end in Christ. And so I give the final words to John Piper:

Marriage… is a momentary gift. It may last a lifetime, or it may be snatched away on the honeymoon. Either way, it is short… Very soon the shadow will give way to Reality. The partial will pass into the Perfect. The foretaste will lead to the Banquet. The troubled path will end in Paradise. A hundred candle-lit evenings will come to their consummation in the marriage supper of the Lamb. And this momentary marriage will be swallowed up by Life. Christ will be all and in all. And the purpose of marriage will be complete.2

You can read the rest of this article at The Briefing.

1. A useful workbook to help couples put the three together is Tim Chester’s Gospel-Centered Marriage.
2. Piper, This Momentary Marriage, p. 178.

what I'm reading: praying for the world from A Call to Spiritual Reformation

Do you only pray for people you know, or do you pray for people you've never met?

Two days ago I read this, and it challenged me to pray more widely:

We must ask ourselves how extensive our own praying is.

Do all our petitions revolve around our own families and churches, our own cherished but rather small circle of friends?

Of course, we are primarily responsible for praying for our own circle. If we do not pray for our own circle, who will?

But if that is the farthest reach of our prayers, we become parochial, introverted. Our prayers may be an index of how small and self-centred our world is.

Of course, we cannot pray for all believers everywhere, except in the most general ways.

But it will do us good to fasten on reports of Christians in several parts of the world we have never visited, find out what we can about them, and learn to intercede with God on their behalf.

Not only is this an important expression of the fellowship of the church, it is a critical discipline that will enlarge our horizons, increase our ministry, and help us to become world Christians.

The parts of the world that I have determined to pray for are Pakistan, India and parts of Northern Africa, since God has brought many people into our lives from these places, both Christians and unbelievers.

There are other places I pray for, but these are the main ones I'd like to focus on - a lot more than I do now!

What parts of the world are you praying for?


The quote is from Don Carson's A Call to Spiritual Reformation p. 98.

Sara Groves - Painting pictures of Egypt

Loving this song at the moment. Thanks, Jenny.

online meanderings

10 big daily reminders - "I wake up lost every morning..." Another glorious list to print out and stick up somewhere you'll see it often (along with 9 reasons you can face anything, which I quoted here).

Dear sufferer, do not harden your heart - Searching questions I'm asking myself, and helpful questions to ask those who suffer (though I'm not sure I'd ask the first one!).

How to mentor a growth group leader - A fantastic resource from Macca. I'm printing this out. There's lots more to read in this ongoing series, Resources for growth group leaders

Making the most of singleness and Sanctification in the season of singleness - Two of the best posts I've read on singleness, one on how it can be a "gift" even if you don't think you have the gift, and the other on tackling issues of identity, self-centredness and secrecy.

Helping children deal with death - and why you should buy guinea pigs. Not sure I'll be doing that bit...

Jesus said we have to die to ourselves to follow him (Mark 8:34-37). Sometimes it’s dramatic. Sometimes it comes at great cost, and sometimes people are encouraged. Most of the time, though, we die to ourselves quite privately. So privately, in fact, that even those closest to us don’t know. We die to ourselves by keeping our mouths shut, forgiving others when they slight us, and moving on. Staci Eastin

To see more links, click here (Facebook) or here (Twitter).

Couch to 5K - hints and tips

* Please leave a comment if you're planning to start Couch to 5K (or similar), are half-way through it, or have done it before.

* Just click here and let us know where you're up to and how you're finding it!

* And no, you don't need a Smartphone - a watch and this program will do.

* Next week, I'd like to start my jogging diary, as promised here (as long as my knees are still holding up... :) ).

*In the meantime, here are some hints and tips from friends who've gone before.

   

Jess -

• One tip is to keep stretching afterwards. Even if you don't need it to prevent soreness, it still prevents injuries and back issues. I've noticed my hamstrings are tighter than they have ever been and it's just the running so I need to just keep working at stretching them. 
• Tanya and I found signing up for a fun run very motivating to train for a longer distance. 
• Having a friend to run with is probably the main reason I've kept going regularly. 

Tanya -

• I would emphasise the importance of moving up levels despite it being hard. It's the main way you see improvement, and your body can actually cope, even if your head thinks it can't. 
• In terms of pace/speed: if you are getting way too breathless, slow right right down, even if it's slower than walking pace. As long as you keep jogging you are challenging your body and will see improvement. You can always work on getting faster later. The rest in between runs helps.
• Runs after very little sleep are harder but manageable. Early nights make for an easier run : ) Jess and I both notice how much harder the run is if we've had too many late nights. 
• It really is a luxury having someone to keep you getting up and going consistently. I think encourage people to find a friend, if possible, and begin it together like we did. Not only does it help physically but can be wonderful bonding experience.
• You'll be surprised that you can do it if you just keep going.

Jane -

• "Hard but not too hard": that phrase sums up my whole experience. I've found it quite addictive, setting myself a difficult challenge and then finding I can actually do it. 
• I've also found Jess' advice helpful - to "trust the program" when feeling scared the next increase would be too hard. There were times when I really wouldn't have given the next challenge a go had that not been ringing in my ears.

Me - 

• Stick to the program, especially in those moments when you think you can't move to the next step. When I paused and re-did a step, I realised I was actually ready for more. 
• If you can, run somewhere beautiful - it helps a lot! The best course is not too hilly, with gentle curves.
• Put something boppy on your MP3 player (if you have one). It will make you feel more energetic, and it'll be a lot more fun.
• I've been sidelined with a sore knee for the last few weeks, probably because I took a week off and then jumped straight into my first 20 minute run. Here's what I learned:
• get a decent pair of running shoes
• do a set of stretches after you run (it helps prevent muscle tightening and injury)
• if you take a break (e.g. due to illness) you might want to go back a few steps
• if your knees start to get sore, don't push through it: rest and ease back into running s-l-o-w-l-y 
• seek professional help if needed.
• My daughter's self-defence teacher told her: Stay safe. Run with just one ear-bud in, so you can hear what's happening around you. Don't run in a place or at times that are too isolated.

Three final thoughts -

• Jogging is FUN! Who knew? Exhilarating, energising, and a great work-out. 
• I'd never done more than a minute's jogging before. I was astonished to discover how capable my body is. You can do it!
• The program works! I feel like Master Yoda: "Trust - the - program."

Don't forget to let us know if you're joining in.

9 reasons you can face anything

God's infallible promises. I'd like to print these out and stick them over my sink, to remind me when I feel sad and weak.

1. I will meet all your needs according to my riches in glory in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19).
2. My power will be made perfect in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).
3. I will strengthen you and help you and hold you up with my righteous right hand (Isaiah 41:10).
4. I will never leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5).
5. I will not let any testing befall you for which I do not give you grace to bear (1 Corinthians 10:13).
6. I will take the sting away from your death with the blood of my son (1 Corinthians 15:55f).
7. I will raise you from the dead imperishable (1 Corinthians 15:52).
8. I will transform your lowly body to be like my glorious body, by the power that enables me even to subject all things to myself (Philippians 3:21).
9. I will do this without fail because I am absolutely sovereign over everything and therefore, I can do all things, and no purpose of mine can be thwarted (Job 42:2).

From Jonathon Parnell.

online meanderings

Prayer: A great place to begin biblical counselling - How to make prayer for each other real.

What is God's will for my life? (1) and (2) - Maybe we need to stop asking and start following. David Platt.

Depression - Helpful thoughts for those who suffer and those who care for them.

Deb recommends some children's Bibles - A great list.

Disciple your daughter - not just women outside your family. - Always glad to be reminded of this.

Chronic pain and the Christian life - I'm finding this a tricky balance for my son:  "Pain sufferers tend either to do too much (creating more pain) or withdraw even further (creating more emotional distress)."

Yes, you do receive incomparable blessings when you come to Jesus. But we must also hear that true Christian faith is built on denial of ourselves. This is why some folks have such a hard time hearing the gospel. We think, “God is love, and if God is love then he wouldn’t ask me to do something I don’t want to do.” But what good news is this?

The good news is that God is going to give us more than we could ask or imagine. But the reality of Christianity is that it only comes by a cross. Unless a seed falls to the earth and dies, it does not bear fruit.

When Jesus calls a man he bids him come and die.

That he might truly live.

Kevin Deyoung

To see more links, click here (Facebook) or here (Twitter).

what's the point of marriage? (4) marriage looks outward: Christopher Ash Married for God

The whole business of marriage… [is] the loving joyful service of God, as we look outward from our marriages and as couples seek to care for God’s world together… This is delight with a shared purpose, intimacy with a common goal, and companionship in a task that stretches beyond the boundaries of the couple themselves… proclaiming Jesus Christ is at the forefront of that service.1

“What is the point of marriage?” asks British theologian Christopher Ash. He sums up his answer with the motto “sex in the service of God” (where sex stands in for the whole marriage relationship).

We often assume that marriage was God’s cure for Adam’s loneliness, but Ash argues that fellowship with others is the Bible’s solution for loneliness. The context of Genesis 2 shows that Adam’s real problem was that the job of ruling and caring for God’s world was “too big for him to do on his own”. That’s why God gave him “‘a helper’ rather than ‘a companion’”—that is, “one who works alongside so that both together can do a task”.2 

The joyful one-flesh intimacy at the heart of marriage is the centre out of which this loving service flows. The focus of marriage, then, is not inward but outward, on the task that the man and woman and their children do together in God’s world. Marriage is for service.

This is a revolutionary idea. When I first read Married for God, it clarified my thinking and helped me see my marriage as a partnership for God’s service. The work of a scholar, this book has a clear structure. After establishing marriage’s central purpose, Ash devotes a chapter to each of the three traditional goals of marriage, showing how they serve this purpose. At points I found his arguments a little reductionistic—is marriage really not part of God’s provision to meet our needs?3—but his book is a helpful corrective to relationally-obsessed, self-centred views of marriage.

Ash not only has a keen mind, but also a pastor’s heart. He begins by addressing the guilt and sexual baggage we carry into marriage, and his view of marriage isn’t coldly task-oriented but warmly relational. The three chapters that stood out for me were on sex and intimacy, the marriage institution, and the faithfulness at the heart of marriage. An odd collection! But I love the way they show how covenant-keeping puts walls around a marriage, providing a safe place for love and delight to flourish, and then puts doors and windows in these walls, so that love overflows to others and welcomes them in.

Would I recommend this book? Absolutely. It deserves to be more widely read. It’s so unique and timely that I’d almost set it as required reading for those considering marriage. Its teaching on loneliness is helpful for singles, and I can think of no better book to give married couples a clear mission, turning them from unhealthy introspection to joyful, side-by-side, gospel-centred, grace-driven service.

You can read my full article at The Briefing.

1. Ash, Married for God, pp. 33, 37, 44.
2. ibid., p. 36.
3. ibid., p. 39.