A baby wails. The Playschool theme song ("There's a chair in there...") echoes through the open door. A 3-year-old pulls a rattling toy across the room. "Mu-um!" whines a toddler, tugging at her mother's jeans. The smell of a ripe nappy wafts past. One woman jumps up to check the progress of the lasagna we're having for lunch; another picks up her crying baby and begins to breastfeed him.A toddler vomits his excess morning tea on the floor. A 2-year-old runs in crying because her blonde curls just received an impromptu haircut from another child. A fist-fight erupts in the next room. We barely blink an eye as we grab a towel, wipe away tears, administer discipline, and get back to the conversation...what were we talking about again?
No, it's not a new mums' group. It's our weekly Bible study, and this is a normal Thursday morning. Squashed next to me on the couch is my clingy 3-year-old, trying to get my attention as I lead the discussion. Six other mums sit nearby, struggling to focus through a fog of sleep deprivation, pregnancy hormones, and the distraction of wondering what that crash was in the next room...
So what do you do when Titus 2 gets down and dirty? How do you prepare and lead a Bible study for a group of young mums when you don't have a child-minder? I've been performing this far from delicate balancing act for 2 years now, and in case you find yourself in a similar situation, here's what I've learned.
Stay tuned for the next exciting installment. In the meantime, why not share your own suggestions, experiences, or memorable Bible study group moments?
image is from Mistress B at flickr
11 comments:
That sounds like our Thursday afternoon KYB! We have 11 mums and 10 preschoolers.
I'd love to read more. I've attended a KYB where the children were removed from the parents (made it MORE stressful for me at the time), also a mum's bible study just as you've described.
Hebrews 10:25 tells us to never give up meeting together and to keep encouraging one another. Thankfully (for mums) there is no comment made about the quality of the input/discussion/amount of info absorbed. Just that we need to keep doing it. Good on you for persevering.
Hi Jean,
I'm glad you have a Bible study like this, and also that you've told us about it. I remember when my children were young, being told at a Bible study that my son quietly climbing on my lap (he was about 2 years old) was distracting. It wasn't said unkindly, but it added another worry to the whole effort of getting there, at a time when I wasn't coping terribly well. Are all the women at this study mothers of small children? At the study I went to, all were mothers, but I was often the only one with preschoolers there. So I'll be interested in your ideas on the distraction issue.
I was also reminded when I was thinking about this, that until I the last couple of years, when I started reading blogs, I believed that real Christian women always coped, and always had tidy homes and well behaved children. Which makes me wonder how much we hide from each other, when we are able to.
Tasmanian, good to hear we're not the only ones! :)
Rebecca, were you not allowed to have kids in the first Bible study?
Jenny, thanks for the encouragement. An excellent reminder which will be making it into the follow-up post! :)
Caroline, it's a good thing my son and I weren't at that study of yours!! Today he had a tantrum 10 minutes from the end of the study - it's very hard to lead when you're disciplining an unruly child. And while he's normally a lot easier than that, climbing on my lap is par for the course. It's good to be in a group where no-one minds and you just get on with it.
Yes, all our group are mums of young kids (ages 0-4) except me: my kids are now aged 4-11, so I'm not really a "young mum" anymore, which is why I'm the one leading the study, I guess!
I love that blogs helped you to see things the way they really are. Often they have the opposite effect - to make people feel like theirs is the only imperfect family. So it's good to know blogs can also encourage by their honesty.
thanks for this jean.
i'm in a study with many mums where i'm offered frequently for my son to be held and whatever he does is ok so i can participate more fully and it's great.
one thing i've been wondering about is how to negotiate a less accepting context, like a lecture or sermon. when is it loving to leave the room, go into the parents/crying room when there is one available. i get stuck between wanting to care for those who might need a quieter environment to focus, and maybe a sense of wanting to be a real mum in their world. the 2nd reaction possibly borders on reacting to the frustration that in lots of contexts, mums with kids are not considered, so there is probably some desire to put catering for them and accepting the messiness of their lives on the map, so to speak.
i see this separation of mums and the world as partly cultural too i guess. Part of a western sanitised sort of existence. i don't want to buy into the idea that mums should always be the ones (or dads, but the point is with the kids) always leaving the room - seems in my mind to devalue something about kids and parents.
have you got some thoughts on that topic? or blogged about it?
:-)
thanks.
Good question Janey, and not one I've answered on the blog.
I guess the general rule is always to be loving in all things. To love your church family, and your blood family. What that means in practice is obviously a little more grey, and different parents will handle the issue differently!
I have been in churches where the children were there for the first part of the service, and so very noisy that I couldn't hear anything at all from the front (and I mean nothing!) and I'm a mum and used to noise. The way that this particular church loves families is to include them, noise and all, during the first 10 minutes of the service, then to run a creche and sunday school. I'm not sure the parents are being particularly loving when they let their kids run around noisily at the back of the church, but maybe these are unchurched families, and at least the church is reaching out to them, even when it's inconvenient.
So how can I, as a mum, be loving? Probably to either keep my kids fairly quiet (at one church I know, some families opt to keep their kids in the service and train them to sit quietly) or to sit with them in the crying room or send them to creche if available. That's one way I can love those around me - and sometimes it means missing things. I've stayed or gone at various times depending on the ages and stages of my kids.
But as you say, it's good for people to see the reality of family life. Maybe not at the cost of no-one around me being able to concentrate! But a little distraction (kids bobbing up and down quietly) is probably good for them!! In this context I'd try to keep my kids as quiet and still as possible, but realise that they are kids, and therefore will wriggle and squirm, and a little bit of that is okay.
I'd take them to the crying room if it's helpful for my kids (it's not much fun to be told to sit down and shut up for an hour!) and for others (if we're disrupting them).
In other words, it depends on the context and what's loving. I guess, as you say, I have to examine my own motives in this too! The rule is always to use our freedom to love others (Gal 5:13).
But I might post your question on the blog soon and see what people say - it's a good question.
Good question Janey, and not one I've answered on the blog.
I guess the general rule is always to be loving in all things. To love your church family, and your blood family. What that means in practice is obviously a little more grey, and different parents will handle the issue differently!
I have been in churches where the children were there for the first part of the service, and so very noisy that I couldn't hear anything at all from the front (and I mean nothing!) and I'm a mum and used to noise. The way that this particular church loves families is to include them, noise and all, during the first 10 minutes of the service, then to run a creche and sunday school. I'm not sure the parents are being particularly loving when they let their kids run around noisily at the back of the church, but maybe these are unchurched families, and at least the church is reaching out to them, even when it's inconvenient.
So how can I, as a mum, be loving? Probably to either keep my kids fairly quiet (at one church I know, some families opt to keep their kids in the service and train them to sit quietly) or to sit with them in the crying room or send them to creche if available. That's one way I can love those around me - and sometimes it means missing things. I've stayed or gone at various times depending on the ages and stages of my kids.
But as you say, it's good for people to see the reality of family life. Maybe not at the cost of no-one around me being able to concentrate! But a little distraction (kids bobbing up and down quietly) is probably good for them!! In this context I'd try to keep my kids as quiet and still as possible, but realise that they are kids, and therefore will wriggle and squirm, and a little bit of that is okay.
I'd take them to the crying room if it's helpful for my kids (it's not much fun to be told to sit down and shut up for an hour!) and for others (if we're disrupting them).
In other words, it depends on the context and what's loving. I guess, as you say, I have to examine my own motives in this too! The rule is always to use our freedom to love others (Gal 5:13).
But I might post your question on the blog soon and see what people say - it's a good question.
Good question Janey, and not one I've answered on the blog.
I guess the general rule is always to be loving in all things. To love your church family, and your blood family. What that means in practice is obviously a little more grey, and different parents will handle the issue differently!
I have been in churches where the children were there for the first part of the service, and so very noisy that I couldn't hear anything at all from the front (and I mean nothing!) and I'm a mum and used to noise. The way that this particular church loves families is to include them, noise and all, during the first 10 minutes of the service, then to run a creche and sunday school. I'm not sure the parents are being particularly loving when they let their kids run around noisily at the back of the church, but maybe these are unchurched families, and at least the church is reaching out to them, even when it's inconvenient.
So how can I, as a mum, be loving? Probably to either keep my kids fairly quiet (at one church I know, some families opt to keep their kids in the service and train them to sit quietly) or to sit with them in the crying room or send them to creche if available. That's one way I can love those around me - and sometimes it means missing things. I've stayed or gone at various times depending on the ages and stages of my kids.
But as you say, it's good for people to see the reality of family life. Maybe not at the cost of no-one around me being able to concentrate! But a little distraction (kids bobbing up and down quietly) is probably good for them!! In this context I'd try to keep my kids as quiet and still as possible, but realise that they are kids, and therefore will wriggle and squirm, and a little bit of that is okay.
I'd take them to the crying room if it's helpful for my kids (it's not much fun to be told to sit down and shut up for an hour!) and for others (if we're disrupting them).
In other words, it depends on the context and what's loving. I guess, as you say, I have to examine my own motives in this too! The rule is always to use our freedom to love others (Gal 5:13).
But I might post your question on the blog soon and see what people say - it's a good question.
I was in a Mums' Daytime Bible Study group with when I just had 1 baby and we used to put money in a kitty at the beginning of each term and pay someone - I think it was the childminder of someone at church - to mind the kids for the hour while we studied the Bible together. Not that you never hda to leave the room but basically you knew they were in good hands and were better able to concentrate.
It's a great idea, Cat, and one we used for a while - under our carer(s) became unavailable! Oh, well.
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