woman to woman (7) conclusion: becoming an older woman

This is the final post in my series woman to woman. It's about the woman I want to become.

When I think about growing older (something I'm increasingly aware of!), these words by John Piper remind me of who I want to become:

One of the challenges I repeatedly hold out to the people of our church—especially the women—is that they make it one of their aims to age into a sage. I love the vision of older women full of seasoned spiritual fruit that comes only with long life and much affliction and deep meditation on the Word of God. So many younger women yearn for older women, who are deeply wise, to share the wisdom God has taught them over the years.

When I was a young woman, I longed for the encouragement of an older woman. As I grow older, I hope to become the kind of woman I longed for. I hope to fill this gap in the lives of young women around me.

This isn't just my dream. Every Christian woman has a responsibility to help women who are younger in age or in the faith to grow in godly womanhood. If you're a Christian woman and this doesn't lie close to your heart and shape your priorities, you need to ask yourself why. We don't all have the same gifts—we will respond to God's call in Titus 2 in different ways—but our Lord Jesus Christ has committed younger women to our care.

The desire of my heart is to see a new generation of Titus 2 women in our churches—older women who devote themselves to teaching and training young women. Wouldn't it be wonderful if you and I committed to asking God to raise up women like this? In the meantime, let's be the answer to our own prayers.

Quote is from John Piper When I Don't Desire God 109-110.

This series is based on my article Woman to woman: Answering the call of Titus 2.

woman to woman (6c) getting practical: everday ideas for women encouraging women

Here's my final list of practical tips for women encouraging women. This time, they're for younger women. It's easy to complain there's no-one to mentor us, but too often, we don't notice the women God has given us. How can we seek encouragement from older women?

3. As the younger woman

• Remember that you can learn from older women even when they're not theologically informed or trained in formal ministry. Respect older women and what they've learned and have to offer. Listen.
• Attach yourself to older women you respect, and ask questions. Seek out women who are standing firm in their faith, who have persevered through suffering, who have a heart for evangelism, who have raised their children well, who respect their husbands, or who trust God through long-term singleness or childlessness. Write down questions to ask them.
• Ask an older woman to mentor you, to read a book with you, or, if it's less intimidating, to pray with you. Older women may not realize what they have to offer, or may not want to push themselves forward. It may be up to you to take the initiative.
• Find an older woman who excels in a particular kind of ministry—hospital visitation, walk-up evangelism, cooking for large gatherings—and ask if you can go along to learn from her.
• Call an older woman and ask for advice and prayer the next time you struggle to pray, manage your time well or love those you live with.
• When there are no older women available, seek mentoring from a distance. Read biographies of Christian women who stood firm. Read books and listen to talks by Christian women.

Any other ideas?

Thanks, Jenny, for the idea for this post.

image is from stock.xchng (I think!)

woman to woman (6b) getting practical: everday ideas for women encouraging women

Here are some more suggestions for women encouraging women, this time for those of you who have an official (or unofficial) role in your church facilitating relationships between older and younger women.

2. As the facilitator

• Speak respectfully about older women in your church. Model this respect to others.
• Build bridges between younger women and older women in your church. Organize mixed gatherings. Prompt older women to contact younger women. Include women of different ages in prayer partnerships and Bible study groups.
• Organize seminars for women with speakers you can trust. Run a book club for women. If you run a Bible study, occasionally run topical studies on areas of interest to women.
• Remember how isolated many single and childless women feel. Run women's events and Bible studies at times that suit working women. Organize get-togethers for women without obvious friendship groups.
• Train women in Titus 2 ministry and mentoring. If you don't have the skills to train them, find someone who does and ask them to lead a training day at your church.
• Mentor a younger woman and encourage her to mentor someone else.

Any other ideas?

With thanks to my friend Jenny, who came up with the idea for this post.

image is from sashamd at flickr

woman to woman (6a) getting practical: everday ideas for women encouraging women

Here's a brilliant list of suggestions for older women seeking to encourage younger women. My friend Jenny, queen of lists, came up with this one. Add your own ideas!

What's your place in women's discipleship? Do you see yourself as a young woman, an older woman, or a facilitator of discipleship relationships between younger and older women? It's likely you fit all three categories! Whichever group you belong to, here's some practical suggestions.

1. As the older woman

• Talk about yourself. Share your life, thoughts, and struggles. Let younger women “see your progress” (1 Tim 4:15).
• Ask lots of questions. Listen. Be interested. Be slow to give unsolicited advice.
• Tell women what you've been reading or thinking about. They might not say much, but they are listening.
• Keep on hand some favourite books to lend or give away. Ask follow-up questions. Read a book about womanhood with a younger woman.
• Share how you read the Bible and pray. Talk about how you deal with temptations to worry or gossip.
• Invite women into your home. Let them see how you run things. Teach a young woman how to make and keep a budget. Don't try to make your house look perfect.
• If you're married, welcome a single woman into your family, especially on difficult occasions like New Year's Eve. Let her see your struggles so she doesn't idolize marriage and family life.
• If you're single, model godliness in long-term singleness: show how your trust remains firmly in the Lord and how you serve him in your circumstances. Model godly relationships with the opposite sex.
• Give practical help to younger women. Look after a single mum's kids. Ask an international student over for dinner. Visit a depressed woman every week. Clean or do a load of washing for others during times of stress.
• Enlist young women's help in helping others. Spend a day together cooking casseroles for people in your church. Visit an old peoples' home. Teach Sunday school together.
• Be generous with praise and encouragement: “It's great seeing you reaching out to women at work” or “Your children are a delight. You're doing just fine; hang in there.” But don't flatter for the sake of it.
• Be intentional when you go to church. Sit next to a younger woman and ask how she's going as a Christian. Pray for the women at church.
• Befriend the teenage girls in your church. Go to the young people's service.
• Be involved in women's lives. Ring them up. Remember their details and ask about them.
• Write a younger woman an encouraging note, telling her how you've seen her grow in godliness.
• Call a young woman each week and ask how you can pray for her.

Any other ideas?

These suggestions are based on a list created by my friend Jenny Moody, with input from Carmelina Read, Alison Payne and Karen Beilharz. I've also drawn on Susan Hunt's Spiritual Mothering, an excellent source of practical ideas for women's ministry to women.

image is from dr. zaro at flickr

woman to woman (5) a Titus 2 curriculum: practical skills

Here's one final topic for older women to cover as they teach and train younger women: the practical stuff.

5. Practical skills
I doubt that Paul was thinking of formal teaching or even formal mentoring (a recent concept!) when he encouraged older women to teach young women—although both teaching and mentoring have their place! The items on Paul's list are very practical: loving a husband, managing a home, staying pure (Titus 2:4-5). Young women need older women to come alongside them, give them help and support, and, in the minutiae of life, offer words of wisdom and a godly example.

SO THERE YOU HAVE IT: five topics that women should be teaching to women. You don't have to be a theological expert or trained in ministry to teach these things to a younger woman, even if you're formally mentoring her. Simply open the Bible, learn from it together and seek help if you get stuck. Share your life and what you've learned about godly womanhood. Pray together. If you have daughters, teach these things to them first, and then to other women, and train other women to pass them onto others so that the teaching of younger women doesn't stop with us (2 Tim 2:2). Remember that discipling women doesn't generally take place in a formal setting; it happens naturally as we get involved in one another's lives.

Next time we'll be sharing ideas about how to get the older-younger woman thing happening in your church and community. So get your thinking caps on!

You can read the rest of my article at The Briefing.

image is by rocket ship at flickr

woman to woman (4d) a Titus 2 curriculum: godly character

Here's another change that occurred to me about a week after the deadline for my article on Titus 2. I realised I'd missed an important topic in my curriculum for older women to teach young women: godly character. (By the way, if I was numbering these posts correctly, today's topic should have come in at number 3!)

4. Godly character.
What qualifications do you need to be a teacher of younger women? You need to be soaked in the gospel; you need to have a good grasp of the Bible and sound doctrine and be able to teach it; and you need godly character. As always, the main qualification for a teacher isn't the ability to sway a crowd: it's proven character, shown in our reputation and relationships (Tit 1:5-9, 1 Tim 3:1-13).

It's no surprise, then, that before Paul talks about the content of what older women are to teach younger women, he addresses the character of older women: they are to be "reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine" (Tit 2:3). You can't teach something you're not living! The older woman's life must adorn her message.

And what is the older woman's message? It centres on godliness: she encourages younger women to grow in qualities like love, self-control, purity and goodness (Tit 2:4-5). In fact, all of Titus 2 is about how various groups adorn the gospel with "self-controlled, upright and godly lives" (Tit 2:12). Women are no different: we respond to God's grace and bring honour to the gospel through our godly character, taught by and passed down from older to younger woman.

What aspects of your character do you need to work on to be a better example to younger women? In what ways are you adorning, or failing to adorn, the gospel? Do you take time to teach and encourage younger women in godly character? How might you do this?

You can read the rest of my article at The Briefing.

image is by henna lion at flickr

biblical womanhood: did I get the balance right? (2)

Last week I posted the beginning of this email exchange between Loretta and me about my article Woman to woman: Answering the call of Titus 2. Thanks to those who shared their thoughts. Here's the rest of it, starting with my reply to Loretta. Tell me what you think!

Dear Loretta,

Do you know, I think you're right, and if I could go back and rewrite the second paragraph in the biblical womanhood section, I would! I’d keep the emphasis of the article on Titus 2:3-5 – these are the clearest verses in the Bible about what women should teach to women – but I think you’re right about the overall tone of the biblical womanhood section. I do think the qualifications need to be there (although the sentence on work was originally in a footnote) but I agree that I should have talked more strongly about the positive content of teaching on biblical womanhood. Ah, well, that’s the nature of writing: you do your best, but it’s never perfect!

Now, as to your question about examples of teaching which (unintentionally) encourage “home idolatry”: I’ve listened to a lot of talks and read a lot of books about godly womanhood coming out of America, and while they've been of immense help to me and I think Australian Christians have a huge amount to learn from them (especially about the practical implications of biblical womanhood), there's sometimes a tendency to make single women feel like their whole life should be a preparation for marriage and motherhood. I find this very disturbing. There’s also a tendency for married women to be encouraged to create a beautiful home, which I think smacks more of materialistic Western culture than of Christianity. I don’t need to be encouraged to idolise my home: I’m already tempted to do this!

I’m not sure you’re right when you say, "If you are married, then there's nothing more valuable than motherhood" – not that I think you’ll disagree with me once I explain. There are childless women who desperately long for children; and if you’re married with children, marriage is your primary human relationship before motherhood. But even marriage doesn’t come first. The same thing is of first importance (1 Cor 15:3) for mums as for any other Christian: God’s kingdom and the glory of Jesus.

For married women with young children, the focus of this service will be husband, children and home. But if I make motherhood the central value of my life then I risk making my children central, and loving my family more than God (which Jesus warns us against - Lk 14:26). For example, I might not become a missionary because of the risk to my kids, or I might use my focus on home as an excuse not to do ministries that make me uncomfortable. For me, the temptation is the opposite – to do too much ministry at the expense of my family. I think it depends on our personalities and on the tendencies of the Christian culture we live in. (I tried to nut out some of these issues in my posts on balancing homemaking and ministry. You might enjoy the extended discussion in the comments!)

Thanks for your constructive feedback. It’s very helpful to me, and will help me to write and teach about this more clearly in future.

In Christ,
Jean.

***

Dear Jean,

The third and fourth paragraph in your email really clarified for me a woman's priorities. I'm just trying to make sure I really understand this: Can you look at the following paragraph and tell me if you agree, and how I can refine my logic better?

For all women our priority is God's kingdom and Jesus' glory. This expresses itself in different ways according to our stage in life. For those who are married, we are to focus on submitting to our husbands and [if we have children] raising godly offspring. Not saying that these are the only things you are ever to do with your life, but these are important things that married women can do in service of God. The purpose of raising your up godly offspring is so that you as a family can serve others. So it wouldn't make sense that you be so absorbed in family life that you neglect those outside your family, because the purpose of your family is to serve God by serving each other and also those very people. Also, it would make sense to become missionaries and take your kids to a dangerous/backward place to live because that could be useful in teaching your kids how you can love others and desire their salvation so much that you are willing to sacrifice comfort and friends.

In Christ
Loretta.

***

Dear Loretta,

I think your paragraph is spot-on.

In Christ,
Jean.

Once again, I'd love to hear your thoughts: about biblical womanhood, about my article, or about "household idolatry".

images are from James Paterson Art and 'karen' at flickr

biblical womanhood: did I get the balance right? (1)

Soon after my article Woman to woman: Answering the call of Titus 2 appeared in The Briefing, I received an email from Loretta reflecting on what I'd said about biblical womanhood. I wrote back, she wrote back, and it turned into an interesting and helpful exchange. Here's the first part of it, edited for brevity and clarity. I know some of you have been wanting to read this, so please tell me what you think!

Dear editor,

I’m not sure who the warnings against ‘household idolatry’ are targeted at (‘Woman to woman: Answering the call of Titus 2’), but for us younger women in our twenties, it is the idolatry of materialism that hinders us from the wholehearted application of Titus 2:3-5. We are under great pressure to establish fulfilling careers, earn lots of money, travel the world and live in luxury – and all this at the expense of staying at home to raise godly offspring.

Therefore, it would be great if older women could encourage us younger wives and mothers to find value in being busy at home and loving our children. It’s not glorious, the pay is dismal and overtime is a given, but what could be more important than training children to know and love the Lord? Rather than avoiding children until the last possible moment, we should seek to welcome as many as we can into our lives.

Motherhood may be tedious, exhausting and demeaning, but, as Titus 2:3-5 shows, it is also eternally worthwhile.

Loretta.

***

Dear Loretta,

I agree with you that young women, especially in our society, need to hear older women encouraging them to be whole-hearted as they love and help their husbands, teach and train their children, and stay committed to home and family. I agree that motherhood is a high calling. That's why, in my article, I said that home and family is “where her primary focus lies” for the young married woman with children, and that work should never undermine this. Motherhood is, indeed, “eternally worthwhile”, as you say – praise God!

The warnings against “household idolatry” in my article were directed at a certain kind of teaching on Titus 2:3-5 which idolises family and home so that single or childless women are made to feel that they are waiting for the significant part of their lives to start, and married women with children may become so focussed on their homes (in itself a good thing!) that they forget about serving in the church and reaching out to non-Christians in the community. I thought that both tendencies – the tendency to neglect home and family for career, and the tendency to idolise home and family – needed to be addressed.

I hope that clarifies things! Feel free to write back if you’d like to talk more about this.

In Christ,
Jean.

***

Dear Jean,

Thanks for your reply. I read through your blog articles and I agree with everything you say about motherhood.

I was wondering whether you can give me a few examples of people who use Titus 2:3-5 to promote the idolising of the home, such that single women feel left out? Would it be, for example, if people say things like, "There's nothing more valuable than motherhood"? Whereas what they should say is, "If you are married, then there's nothing more valuable than motherhood", because those who are not married can devote themselves to doing lots and lots of word ministry (a la 1 Cor 7:34-35). Are there any other examples of people/books that promote 'household idolatry'??

While I totally agree with what you said in the article, my first impression when I read the third section was that there were heaps of warnings against the misuse of Titus 2 but not much on how Titus 2 can apply to the lives of women. And that I found a bit unsatisfying, given the title of your article. And all these qualifications, I think, undermined your support for Titus 2:3-5. Your article used Titus 2 to prove that older women should teach younger women, and went into that in detail, but it didn't flesh out the more important part of the passage, which is the content of what the older women are to teach.

Argh I hope these thoughts made sense. Thank you for reading and thanks for all those blog posts that you sent me.

Cheers.
Loretta.

***

I think she's got a point. What do you think? Did I get the balance right? (Don't feel like you have to defend me: I found myself agreeing with much of what Loretta says, and I'd love to hear your thoughts.)

I'll share my response, and the rest of our emails, soon.

images are from DianthusMoon, nep and catface 3 at flickr

woman to woman (4c) a Titus 2 curriculum: biblical womanhood

God has given us an important role in the lives of younger women: to teach and train them in godly womanhood (Titus 2:3-5). We've seen how this can happen in all kinds of ways, like young mums' Bible studies, book clubs, and letter-writing. But what are we to teach? So far, we've talked about the gospel and sound doctrine; today, I talk about biblical womanhood (a huge topic you can read more about in this series).

3. Biblical womanhood

Women also need to hear about God's glorious plan for womanhood. Manhood and womanhood were not an afterthought in God's design for humanity. From the moment of creation, God made us male and female, equal before God, with different roles and responsibilities. The woman was made to be the man's ‘helper’, serving God in light of the created order (Gen 1-3, 1 Tim 2:11-15).

Titus 2:3-5 spells out what this looks like in the life of a young, married woman with children. She is to love her husband and children, stay pure and self-controlled, manage her home and practise kindness, and be submissive to her husband. This isn't an exhaustive list, nor does it mean that a married woman shouldn't do paid work outside the home, as long as this supports, rather than undermines, her commitment to home and family (cf. Prov 31). But it does show where her primary focus lies.

Yet we must be careful not to use Titus 2:3-5 to encourage women to idolize home and family. As Nicole Starling says,

These particular instructions to women in Titus 2:3-5 are meant to sail on an ocean of general instruction given in the Bible for all of us as Christians: without an awareness of that big ocean of the Bible's teaching about Jesus and the kingdom of God, the Titus 2 boat can end up bobbing around harmlessly and inoffensively in the backyard swimming pool of suburban materialism, going nowhere.2

Much teaching on Titus 2:3-5 subtly encourages household idolatry. Singleness becomes a waiting room for marriage, rather than an opportunity to serve Christ with undivided attention (1 Cor 7:32-35), and the family home becomes an end in itself, rather than a place to reach out to others.3

But Titus 2:3-5 encourages young women not only to ‘work at home’ but also to be “kind”.4 In 1 Timothy 5:9-10, the word ‘kind’ is linked to many good deeds of godly women—not just bringing up children, but also showing hospitality, serving Christians, and caring for the needy. A godly woman's home is not only a secure refuge, but also a base for loving, serving and reaching out to others.

2 Nicole Starling, ‘Transformed by Titus 2’, 1 September 2008, http://equipbooks.blogspot.com/2008/09/chapter-1-transformed-by-titus-2.html.

3 Carolyn Mahaney's Feminine Appeal (Crossway, Wheaton, 2004), the best book I've read on Titus 2:3-5, occasionally has this tendency.

4 ‘Agathos’, the Greek word for ‘kind’ in Titus 2:5, is almost always translated ‘good’ in the ESV and NIV, and is used frequently in Titus for the ‘good deeds’ characteristic of Christians responding to God's grace (see Titus 1:8, 16, 2:5, 3:1).

image is from stock.xchng

when Titus 2 gets down and dirty: how to lead a mums' Bible study in the middle of a creche (2) the leading bit

You've baby-proofed the house. You've put a child-friendly DVD on the television. You've set out some tempting toys, and placed morning tea on the pint-sized table. You retreat into the next room, leaving the door open, and pick up your Bibles.

What next? How do you lead a Bible study with a group of mums when you'll be interrupted every 5 minutes? Here's 9 things I've learned (much of this applies to any Bible study):

• Allow time for chatting, but start on time. We meet at 10.00 for a 10.30 start. This gives women time to arrive and chat (nothing like motherhood to mess with your ability to get out the door!) but means we have enough time to do a Bible study and pray before lunch, even with interruptions.
• Have the courage to lead. This is especially important when everyone's struggling to concentrate! Keep the discussion on track, draw women out, and sum up as you go. It can be helpful for everyone's addled brains if you stop asking questions and do some "teaching" here and there.
• Be very, very clear. With everyone's attention wandering, make the steps of your study very clear: "Today we'll be covering...", "So far we've learned...", "As so-and-so said...", "Now we're going to look at...", "The three main points are...". Summarise as you go, and again at the end. List women's responses to a question (note them down if it helps). Conclude with a few clear application points. When you get home, send an email to remind everyone what you learned.
• Focus on people not the task. If I get through my elaborately prepared study and women go away overwhelmed and confused, I've achieved nothing. Go with the flow, get a feel for where people are at, be flexible as you deal with disturbances, and ensure women are cared for during the week.
• Pause for interruptions, but don't go too long. If a woman (or 3) needs to leave the room to change a nappy or check on the kids, don't worry: just pause the study for a few minutes, or keep it going and summarise when they return. Keep your study to under an hour: if you go too long, the kids will lose patience and the mums will lose concentration.
• Don't expect too much. I've never forgotten the week I was part of the group. Sure enough, I found my mind slipping sideways! It gave me great sympathy for those who sit and try to concentrate every week, and helped me understand how much to expect.
• Have confidence in God's word when everything falls apart. Sometimes we can't get our mummy brains into gear. Sometimes we can barely hear through the wall of noise (I once broke into a shout just to be heard!). It doesn't matter. When God's people meet around God's word - even if we only hear a small part of it! - he's there with us (Matt 18:20), and his word is powerful and effective (Isa 55:11, Heb 4:12). He'll make sure we hear what we need to hear.
• Pray. Serve everyone by leading the prayer time after the Bible study, even if it means doing all the praying yourself. Ask for one prayer point and one way each person wants to change in response to the study, write them down, then pray. Pray for the women in your group before you lead the study. Pray for them on the way home. Pray.
• Laugh. You'll need it.

images are from PeteSuze and Nongbri Family Pix at flickr

when Titus 2 gets down and dirty: how to lead a mums' Bible study in the middle of a creche (2) preparation

Last week I described the chaotic world of our mum's Bible study, and asked how you lead a discussion when you can't even hear yourselves speak. This week, I'll talk about preparing the study; next week, about leading it.

How do you prepare a Bible study for a group where everyone has mummy brain and you know you'll be interrupted every 5 minutes? Here are 8 things I've learned - mostly by making every mistake in the book. Please add your own ideas!

• Choose a short study booklet (or write your own studies). We don't attempt Interactive Bible Studies (I use them in preparation, but not for our discussions): instead, we use Good Book Guides or Pathway Bible Guides, or I write my own.
• Consider doing only half a study each week. It took us half a year (a glorious half year) to get through Women of Faith, as we spread each study over 2 (and in one case, 4) weeks.
• Come ready to make a single point. It took me a while to realise it, but gone are the days of complex Bible studies. We know we've been encouraged when we go away with one new, rich thought from the Bible in our heads. Often, that's all our heads are capable of holding during this stage of our lives!
• Prepare well. Just because everyone else's brains are on hold doesn't mean yours should be. The better you know the passage, the more clearly you'll teach it, which is important when people are running on empty. Make sure your one point is faithful to the passage and helpful for those who come.

• Allow yourself to be changed by the Bible. How can anyone else be affected by God's word if you're not? It's often said that you shouldn't prepare Bible studies during your quiet times; I don't have time for such fine distinctions, so I immerse myself in the week's passage every morning, until I can't wait to share what I've learned.
• Mix things up. Bring along a questionnaire, game or visual aid. There's nothing like a map, a brainstorm, or some Brick Testament (on one memorable occasion we watched the story of Deborah) to focus everyone's attention.
• If you read a book together, make it a good but easy read. Long and densely theological doesn't go well with mummy brain (I learned this the hard way). Try a punchy book like Carolyn Mahaney's Feminine Appeal or Ed Moll & Tim Chester's Gospel Centred Family.
• If you don't have time to prepare well, read the Bible together anyway. Some of the richest Bible studies for me have been when I turned up empty and went away surprised and challenged by God's word.

images are by chthonic and REL Waldman from flickr

when Titus 2 gets down and dirty: how to lead a mums' Bible study in the middle of a creche (1)

A baby wails. The Playschool theme song ("There's a chair in there...") echoes through the open door. A 3-year-old pulls a rattling toy across the room. "Mu-um!" whines a toddler, tugging at her mother's jeans. The smell of a ripe nappy wafts past. One woman jumps up to check the progress of the lasagna we're having for lunch; another picks up her crying baby and begins to breastfeed him.

A toddler vomits his excess morning tea on the floor. A 2-year-old runs in crying because her blonde curls just received an impromptu haircut from another child. A fist-fight erupts in the next room. We barely blink an eye as we grab a towel, wipe away tears, administer discipline, and get back to the conversation...what were we talking about again?

No, it's not a new mums' group. It's our weekly Bible study, and this is a normal Thursday morning. Squashed next to me on the couch is my clingy 3-year-old, trying to get my attention as I lead the discussion. Six other mums sit nearby, struggling to focus through a fog of sleep deprivation, pregnancy hormones, and the distraction of wondering what that crash was in the next room...

So what do you do when Titus 2 gets down and dirty? How do you prepare and lead a Bible study for a group of young mums when you don't have a child-minder? I've been performing this far from delicate balancing act for 2 years now, and in case you find yourself in a similar situation, here's what I've learned.

Stay tuned for the next exciting installment. In the meantime, why not share your own suggestions, experiences, or memorable Bible study group moments?

image is from Mistress B at flickr

woman to woman (4b) a Titus 2 curriculum: the Bible and sound doctrine

In Titus 2:3-5 God encourages older women to teach younger women. But what are we to teach? Top of the list is the gospel of grace; second on the list is God's word and big truths about God.

2. The Bible and sound doctrine

It's sometimes argued that women shouldn't teach doctrine, even to women. That's because the list in Titus 2:4-5 focuses on lifestyle, not doctrine, and because men are responsible for the teaching and theological direction of a church (1 Tim 2:11-15, 1 Cor 14:26-39).

But if older women are to teach young women what “accords with sound doctrine” (Titus 2:1), older women need to understand great truths about God and learn to handle the word of God correctly (2 Tim 2:15). When I mentor a young woman, I begin with the same topics as my husband when he mentors a young man: salvation, assurance, the authority of the Bible, and so on. As needed, I'll address topics like the Trinity, the role of the Spirit and predestination. The main thing we'll do is simply learn from God's word together.

At the heart of godly womanhood is confident trust in God—an inner strength that comes from a deep knowledge of the Bible and of God's sovereign purposes. Only a woman who ‘hopes in God’ and who ‘doesn't fear what is frightening’ will have the courage for submission, and will display “the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit” (1 Pet 3:1-7). Women, like men, need roots that go deep into God's word and God's truth.

In her book One to One, Sophie de Witt says that the Bible, prayer and friendship are the three pillars of discipleship. Do you open the Bible when you encourage other women? Do you help each other understand the big truths of the Bible? What stops us from doing this?

image is from jhall987 at flickr

how to encourage a younger woman and be honest at the same time

Here's an email exchange between me and my dear friend and mentor Heather (some of you will know who I'm talking about!).

Her email to me is a good example of how to encourage a younger woman while being honest about life's difficulties. I've taken out some of the personal details, but Heather gave me permission to share the rest with you.

Like the women in last week's post, Heather is honest about how tough things can be; but unlike them, she doesn't leave it there: she talks about God's ongoing faithfulness to her and how he brought good out of her suffering. I was warmed, uplifted, and encouraged by her email, and God used her words to replace my persistent discouragement and doubt with hope and faith.

I'll start with my rather gloomy message to her - inspired, I might add, by the warning of an older woman in the long-distant past about how life gets harder all the time!

Dear Heather,

Thanks for your lovely newsy email. ... It is good to hear about how you are going – although troubling too, I’m sorry about all the health issues [with sick parents] ... I’ve been wondering how on earth you’re managing to juggle everything ...

Not sure how you do it. I feel like I’m drowning under life’s demands and my complete lack of organisation. This year has been really tough, with whooping cough, looking for high schools for Lizzy, and conflict and change at our church, on top of which I’ve been sick on and off this whole last month or two, so I’m pretty exhausted.

My sister-in-law says that her last year with a child full-time at home was wonderful, and I keep comparing my year to hers and feeling guilty about not enjoying my last year with Andy more! But life is what it is, and even though I think I’ve got the balance between ministry and family pretty right now, I’m still very busy (aren’t we all?) and it’s been a tough year – nothing I had any control over.

I keep reminding myself that God is in control (even when I’m not!) but it’s hard to find this reassuring. Is all this normal? I look at your life and think it’s only going to get harder! Where do you find the strength?

Love Jean.

Here's her response.

Hi Jean,

So sorry to hear that you are feeling so like you are drowning. It has been a really tough year for you guys – thank God Steve’s long service leave is coming up!!!!

In my experience life just happens in different ways to different people and some years are easy and some are hard. It isn’t necessarily the same for everyone. Just like some people have an easy time when their kids are bubs and a harder time when they are adult and others have the reverse. In my experience too those that have it too easy often don’t learn to depend on God as deeply as those who have it tough. I think all my models of Christian godliness have learned it through the school of hard knocks.

Don’t presume that my life has always been as rough as it has been over the last couple of years. My first year in Melbourne was pretty easy ( except for the self imposed stresses of settling into a new city / job etc). Things only started hotting up the following year after Andrew’s Mum had her first bad stroke.

I have often thanked God for such a stress-free year when we first arrived. I think he knew the move was all I could cope with at the time!!!! It is only since we settled into life here and built friendships and a support network that the difficulties began. God’s preservation I am sure!

Don’t look at my life and get scared. Many of my stresses are self imposed (Andrew’s change in job and the shift to Doncaster and the decision to study to enhance my ministry etc). Others are just a new life stage with aging parents – you experienced one aspect of this when David died. It’s hard, but like parenting you get better at dealing with it as you go.

I look at my life at the moment and see hardships but also heaps of blessing. [She talks about God’s mercy in bringing her baby grandson safely through a serious illness, and gives some personal examples of how grief and suffering have brought members of her extended family closer to one another and to God.]

I sometimes think I am just a slow learner and need to learn everything the hard way! But God has taught me so much through the episodes of hardship I’ve faced over the last few years that I feel privileged to have the opportunity to grow so much in my relationship with him even after about 45 years of Christian walk.

Will continue to pray for you and the family

Love

Heather

In an interesting postscript, I sent this post to Heather for her approval. She received it at a particularly discouraging moment and wrote to me, "It is good to read this over and be once more reminded of the security God has proven time and time again that I have as I trust in him. Strange that even my own words telling of his love and tenderness in caring for us can come back and provide comfort!". So our words of encouragement to others return to encourage ourselves.

image is from InspirationDC at flickr

woman to woman (4a) a Titus 2 curriculum: the gospel of grace

Oops! Somehow, I lost track of my series on woman to woman ministry! Let's pick up where we left off. If older women are to teach younger women (Titus 2:3-5), what's on the curriculum?

It's all very well to say that older women should be teaching and training young women, but what are they to teach? Let's look at Titus 2:3-5 in the broader context of the chapter and see what's on the curriculum. There are four main topics older women will discuss with younger women. The first two are also taught by men to men, but the second two are uniquely relevant to women.

1. The gospel of grace
Books and talks on biblical womanhood tend to be strong on practice and weak on principle. Women's teaching often degenerates into a list of dos and don'ts—for example, kiss your husband when he walks in the door, have regular dates with your children and keep your cupboards organized. This is particularly damaging for women because many of us long for self-transformation and we excel at comparing ourselves with others. We listen to a talk on womanhood and go away with 20 ways we need to change—right now!

But Paul doesn't let us get away with rule-based teaching. Even when he addresses the specifics of godly living, he makes it clear that our behaviour flows from the gospel. It's “sound doctrine” that gives godliness its shape (Titus 2:1). It's “the grace of God” that “teaches us to say ‘No’ to ungodliness” (Titus 2:11-12 NIV). It's our desire to “adorn” the gospel that motivates good deeds (Titus 2:10; cf. vv. 5, 8).

Only a woman who knows the gospel will live her life in the loving freedom that comes from grace, rather than attempting to meet her Christian culture's version of perfect womanhood. As we teach women, we need to constantly remind them (and ourselves!) that most of the practical advice we give isn't God-ordained, that God is patient with our slowness to change, and that we're forgiven and transformed through God's grace.

What do you think? Do women often lose sight of the gospel as we teach and encourage one another? How can we encourage each other to keep our eyes fixed on Jesus?

You can read the rest of the article at The Briefing.

image is from enggul at flickr

woman to woman (3) when women's ministry doesn't happen

"I long for an older woman to encourage me, but I can't find anyone!" Have you heard a young woman say these words? Perhaps, like me, you've been that woman!

In this post, I brainstorm with some friends about the reasons older women don't encourage younger women. Which of these have you observed? What would you add?

It's a common story: again and again, I speak to young women who long for an older woman to mentor them, but who have found no-one with the time, energy or inclination to do so. On the rare occasions when older women do mentor young women, biblical womanhood is often missing from the agenda.

Why aren't older women teaching and training young women in godly womanhood? My friends and I brainstormed and came up with some possibilities:

• Women in western society often live isolated lives because of the breakdown of traditional society, which is unlike many places where women still spend much of the day in each other's homes.
• Generations are deliberately separated in society and church, in contrast to a time (say 50 years ago) when women of different ages mingled freely.
• Many churches have age-specific congregations and small groups.
• Many young women don't respect older women and what they have to offer, while many older women are self-absorbed and lack interest in women outside their family circle.
• Different generations have different understandings of ministry: young women may expect formal mentoring and teaching, while older women may not feel equipped for this.
• We have a cultural tendency to resent unsolicited advice and to seek counsel only from experts or close friends.
• It can be hard to find time and energy for women's ministry after working in a job or caring for your family and home all day.
• The majority of married women with children return to work soon after their children go to school—sometimes for financial reasons but also often because of the pressure of feminism, careerism or materialism. This leaves little time for ministry to women.
• Single women now usually have a full-time job, which limits their ability to be involved in women's ministries during the day and limits the time they have to encourage younger women.
• Women's programs often emphasize events rather than teaching, training and mentoring. Where there is teaching, it is often not purposefully applied to women's lives.
• Feminism makes us uncomfortable with teaching on biblical womanhood (especially its practical application) and makes us embarrassed to pass on ‘womanly’ skills like household management.
• Some churches have lost an entire generation of women to Liberalism.
• There's some opposition in egalitarian circles to women-only ministry. My friend who wanted to train women in mentoring was told that women should be teaching only mixed groups. Furthermore, women often see little value in only teaching women as opposed to having the opportunity to teach everyone.

As we encourage women's ministry to women, these are some of the obstacles we may have to overcome.

you can read the full article here

image is from stock.xchng

woman to woman (2) the purpose of women's ministry

Here's the next instalment from my article about women's ministry to women. Let's keep the conversation going! Have a read and tell me about the ministry of women to women in your church. Does it have a clear direction? Does it look like Titus 2:3-5? Why or why not?

Women's ministries often struggle with a lack of clear direction. Even in churches without an organized women's ministry, it can be hard for women to know how to encourage other women. What we need is a clear direction—a simple aim to keep in mind. Here's an excellent place to start:

Older women* likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. (Titus 2:3-5)

These verses give shape and purpose to women's ministry, whether formal or informal. They give us a clear statement of purpose: older women are to teach and train young women how to live as Christian women.

Unless older women take responsibility for teaching young women, it probably won't happen. Paul encourages Titus to teach every group in the church—older men, young men, older women, slaves—every group except for young women! Teaching and training young women in godly womanhood is primarily the responsibility of older women, not the pastor or male elders of a church. It's vital that women and women's ministries don't lose sight of this goal.

Have a look around your church. Are older women teaching and training younger women? Are women being equipped and encouraged to mentor women? Are relationships flourishing between women of different ages? Sadly, these are the very things that aren't happening in many churches.

* Who are the ‘older women’? It's clear from 1 Timothy 5:1-16 that Paul probably had in mind women beyond child-bearing age. The reason the advice in Titus 2:3-5 for younger women focuses so strongly on married women with children is that the vast majority of young women in the first century would have been married, and Paul intended for this to be so (1 Tim 5:11-15). But Titus 2:3-5 is relevant to all women: we're all ‘older’ women in relation to women younger in age and the faith, and we all have a responsibility to teach and encourage them.

You can read the rest of the article at The Briefing.

image is from Davidoff at flickr

woman to woman (1) answering the call of Titus 2

I've just published my manifesto. Okay, maybe that's too grandiose a term, but that's what it feels like!

If my life has a purpose - well, a purpose beyond serving Christ as I love my husband and children, care for people in my church and community, and reach out to neighbours and friends (which is about as much purpose as anyone needs!) - then it's summed up in an article I just wrote for The Briefing.

Here are the opening paragraphs. I might publish some other excerpts during the coming weeks, because I think it would be great if we could reflect together on women's ministry to women. So tell me your thoughts!

My friend and I were visiting another friend's church, enduring that uncomfortable time after the service when you stand around, a cup of lukewarm tea in one hand and an Arnott's biscuit in the other, feeling like you have the word ‘visitor’ tattooed across your forehead and waiting for someone to approach you to make awkward conversation.

But the woman who approached us quickly put us at ease. She was white-haired, bright-eyed and vivacious, and she asked us, “Is this your first time here?” with sincerity and warmth, as if she really wanted to know the answer. We basked in her interest.

As we chatted, it became apparent that here was an older woman who hadn't lost interest in younger women. She told us that she went to the young people's evening service as well as the morning service just so she could spend time with young women and encourage them in their faith.

As my friend and I reflected on the conversation later, we realized the same thought had run through both our minds: “She is the woman I want to become”.

I'd love to hear your comments and reflections. Have you ever met a woman like this? What kind of impact did she have on you?

You can read the rest of the article at The Briefing.

image is from stock.xchng