the arithmetic of love #2

"How did Andy's first day at school go?", I hear you ask.

So well that he now not only wants to replace his Mummy, but his Daddy too. He had sport with Mr. Gray. When he got home, he said:

"Mr Gray's funny! He said, 'I'm not called Mr Green or Mr Blue or Mr Polkadot!'"

"Do you wish he was your Daddy?" (No, I don't usually ask this question. The reason I did is here.)

"Well of course I do! Mr Gray's much more funnier than Daddy!"


Apologies to all who received this post already - my mistake!

online meanderings - failure, singleness, love and other stuff

There was much wealth this week on the internet. Much that encouraged me and made me think. Comfort in failure and in sorrow. Gold. (And a lot of Challies.)

On loving and speaking.

How do you love the way Jesus loves? - The very question I've been asking about the year ahead. I'm adding this to my reading list. A book by Phil Ryken reviewed by Justin Taylor.

Evangelism uncomplicated - Cathy says lots of things about relaxing into evangelism - things I'm finding to be true in my own life.

On sorrow, discouragement and failure.

Looking forward - I love the way Amy writes. I love this post. Hope expressed in small things, in the face of sorrow.

Crushed (written)/(podcast) - Challies talks honestly about his struggle with pride and failure when his sermons, books and blog posts don't measure up to his standards, or to others' achievements. How comforting it is to know that I am not alone! - and that "all is well with my soul".

Post prayer satanic whispers - A truly helpful post for all who feel discouraged about their prayers (hands up, everyone!) by David Murray. HT Challies.

Self-centredness in woundedness - "'Woundedness’ is compounded self-doubt and guilt, resentment and disillusionment...As badly wounded as persons may be, the resulting self-absorption of the human heart was not caused by the mistreatment. It was only magnified and shaped by it.'" A really helpful post by Ali quoting a chapter from the Keller's book on marriage.

On failure in parenting.

For parents who have failed - Such comfort! "Even if we haven’t gotten it all right, even if we’ve trained little Pharisees or have a house full of prodigals." We've got both kinds. We are both kinds. But we have God's grace. From Elyse Fitzpatrick and Jessica Thompson's Give Them Grace via Justin Taylor.

Parents beware: Proverbs are not promises - Why we can't assume that because the kids turn out badly, the parents have done a lousy job. David Mathis quotes Richard Pratt HT Challies (yes, that's another 4-way link.)

On the related topic of raising boys.

Raising boys: A pep talk on The Talk - Jeff Robinson discusses a book which looks worth reading: Time for The Talk: Leading Your Son Into True Manhood (Shepherd Press) by Steve Zollos.

CS Lewis on "little cyclones" (young boys) - Now I know why I'm sometimes (often!) so tired. The main refrain of our holidays: "Quieten down! GO OUTSIDE!". Tony HT Challies.

On singleness.

How to serve "the singles" in the local church - A very helpful article by Carolyn McCulley.

On communication: oral, written and technological.

A short history of communication - "In an oral culture...word-for-word accuracy was less important than thought-for-thought accuracy." Challies answers a question I have long had about the differences between the gospels.

Empty minds, empty hearts, empty lives - “We are becoming symbiotic with our computer tools...The experience of losing our Internet connection becomes more and more like losing a friend.' ...What we are seeing is the death of memory." Challies is helpful, as always, when discussing the impact of technology on memory and friendship.

On humanity.

Pondering Psalm 139 - Ashley, a woman with a disability, writes, "I believe with every fiber of my being that I was no accident...My heart grieves for the little ones gone and the mothers and fathers who never held their tiny bodies or kissed their sweet new skin. No earthly thing can fill a chasm so deep as a child lost. The grace of the cross, though, is a greater thing than the weight of our sin, and redeeming love awaits us all."

Where does blackness and whiteness come from? - "The genetic difference between blacks, whites, browns, etc. is so marginal that we’re left to affirm Acts 17:26: 'He made from one blood all nations of men.'”

In China, human costs are built into an iPad - The human cost of our toys. (The last three are all HT Challies.)

On everything.

Nothing nothing - This quote keeps popping into my mind. I used it to discuss the existence of God with my eight-year-old just the other day. "The first basic answer is that everything that exists has come out of absolutely nothing...Now, to hold this view, it must be absolutely nothing. It must be what I call nothing nothing. It cannot be nothing something or something nothing." Francis Shaeffer quoted by Challies.

And just for fun.

A rap for crochet - For my friend Jenny, crochet-er extraordinaire. Well done, Ali! But when do I get mine?

I must write something again some time - Please do, Meredith! (But only if you're putting your family and other relationships first, and have fulfilled all your primary responsibilities, and aren't just doing it out of people-pleasing, and, and, and... :) )

the end of an era - and the start of a new one

My littlest started school today. I'm feeling sad, but hopeful too: Andy looked very happy at school!

what I'd like to read in 2012

One of the best things about a new year is that you can read books during it. Just think! Books to read! And all that unused time to do it in!

It's a sad fact, but I didn't post a reading list at the end of 2010, thus breaking a proud two-year tradition. I was feeling more than a little burnt out, and a grand plan for reading lots of challenging books was low on my priority list. Rightly so, as it turns out: I did very little Christian reading last year. Instead, I took the year off to rest with my family.

But I am now re-energised! Re-enthused! Re-invigorated! Ready to do some serious reading! And what better year to do it in? For the first time, all my kids will be at school, and I'm not taking on any major new challenges. So I should have plenty of discretionary time to delve into some good books.

As usual, as I dream happily about what to read, I think in terms of topics. What would I like to learn more about? Where is God stretching and challenging me? What responsibilities do I have? Here are eleven topics that occur to me, with the books I'd like to read on those topics - as well as a few I've read already.

Jesus
Every year I try to read at least one book about Jesus, because he matters more than anything, and because my eyes are all too easily drawn away from him. In 2010 it was CJ Mahaney's Living the Cross-Centred Life. This year, Tim Chester's The Ordinary Hero is looking eagerly at me from my shelf. My friend also recommended Tim Keller's King's Cross, because it's a great book to give to friends. And to read too, I hope!

The Bible
You might remember that I'm attempting to read the Bible through in a year or two. I'm about to get to the prophets, and they don't make much sense if you don't know when and why they spoke! So I've just ordered Mark Dever's The Message of the Old Testament: Promises Made and The Message of the New Testament: Promises Kept. I'm planning to read one of his whole-book sermons before I read each book of the Bible.

Godliness
I've been ve-e-e-ry slowly working my way through Paul Tripp's Lost in the Middle: Midlife and the Grace of God for two years, and I'm one chapter from the end. This book has helped me in all kinds of profound ways. It's been my own personal guide to the confusion of mid-life, but it's so much more than that. I'd give it to a 20 year old to read! It's a book about the dreams we build for our life, and what happens when these dreams fail. It looks at big issues like idolatry, identity, values, control, regret, decay and suffering from the perspective of God's story.

Technology
I deal with technology just about every day of my life (don't we all?). I blog, email, Facebook, and even, these days, Tweet. I've always had mixed feelings about the impact of this on my godliness and relationships. I don't usually read Christian books during our vacation, but I gobbled up Tim Challies' The Next Story, which tells you how much fun it was to read! It's an invaluable guide to using technology in a God-honouring way. The questions at the end of the chapters are fantastic.

Sharing my faith
If you don't want your life to change, here's a hint: don't pray. At the start of last year, I made a mistake an excellent decision: to pray with some friends about sharing our faith. By the end of the year I had a bunch of new opportunities and relationships. I'd like to learn how to make the most of them! I've just finished John Dickson's The Best Kept Secret of Christian Mission, which gave me heaps of ideas. I'd also like to read Mark Dever's The Gospel and Personal Evangelism and Christine Mallouhi's Miniskirts, Motherhood and Muslims.

Prayer
This is one area I'd really like to grow in this year. And what does a book-worm do when they want to grow? They read, of course! I've just finished the latest prayer-book doing the rounds - Paul Miller's A Praying Life - and while I don't agree with everything he says, especially about listening to God, I was greatly encouraged by this book. I'm currently reading the heavier Praying by JI Packer's and Carolyn Nostrum: I'll tell you how it goes. Do you know of any other good books about prayer?

Biblical womanhood
Sometimes I dream of writing my own book about biblical womanhood, perhaps focusing on equipping women for ministry to other women. So it's about time I did some more reading on the topic! Top of the list are some excellent books I've dipped into but never read cover-to-cover: Kisten Birkett's The Essence of Feminism, Sharon James' God's Design for Women, Carolyn McCulley's Radical Womanhood, and Mary Kassian's The Feminist Mistake. We'll see how many I get through!

Marriage
When I made my 2009 reading list, I decided to read about some of my primary areas of responsibility: marriage, motherhood and homemaking. I hate reading this kind of book, so I wasn't looking forward to it! I've been pleasantly surprised - mainly because I pick books that don't do the "perfect housewife" thing, but encourage and challenge me from the Bible. Last year my husband and I read John Piper's excellent This Momentary Marriage. This year, we're thinking of reading Christopher Ash's Married for God (which I've dipped into and love), Tim Keller's The Meaning of Marriage, and/or Tim Chester's Gospel Centred Marriage.

For my daughter (and my sons)
My thirteen-year-old daughter and I are slowly reading Carolyn Mahaney and Nicole Whitacre's Girl Talk, and we're enjoying it. It's helped us talk about all kinds of issues we wouldn't otherwise discuss. My husband and I are also enjoying Paul Tripp's Age of Opportunity, about parenting teens: if you read one book on raising teenagers, try this one! I'd also like to trial Alex and Brett Harris' Do Hard Things so I can give it to our kids to read.

What's on your reading list this year?

what I'm reading: The Saturday Big Tent Wedding Party

One of my favourite authors is Alexander McCall Smith. His books are amongst the few that I put on hold as soon as they appear in the library. He writes three series, and I love them all: The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency, The Sunday Philosophy Club, and 44 Scotland Street. Tell me which is your favourite!

Alexander McCall Smith writes with a wry sense of humour, an eye for people and their peculiarities, a warmhearted wisdom, and a sense of place, whether he's describing Botswana or Edinburgh. His books are not a hard read, more a gentle meander. They suit me just fine!

Here's a description of heaven, and the heavens, from the latest book in The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency series. Not a Christian vision of heaven, but beautiful nonetheless.

It was a good time for sitting together, Mma Ramotswer felt, and it was not necessary to say anything. That evening, the sky was all but white with stars, filled with acres and acres of constellations, right down to the horizon. She had learned the names of some of these clusters when she was younger, but had forgotten most of them now, apart from the Southern Cross, which could be seen hanging over the sky towards Lobatse, a pointer to the distant Cape and its cold waters. And the Milky Way was there too - she had always been able to identify that, like a swirl of milk in an ocean of dark tea. As a girl she had imagined the Milky Way was the curtain of heaven, a notion she had been sorry to abandon as she had grown up. But she would not abandon a belief in heaven itself, wherever that might be, because she felt that if she gave that up then there would be very little left. Heaven may not turn out to be the place of her imagining, she conceded - the place envisaged in the old Botswana stories, a place inhabited by gentle white cattle, with sweet breath - but it would surely be something not too unlike that, at least in the way it felt; a place where late people would be given all that they had lacked on this earth - those who had had nothing would find they had everything the human heart could desire.

From Alexander McCall Smith The Saturday Big Tent Wedding Party pages 135-136.

online meanderings - friendship, life, socks and other stuff

This week, I was encouraged in my Christian life,

On reading the word of God - Ally gives a wonderful summary of, and link to, a talk on Psalm 119:1-40 about why we should read the Bible. Pure gold!

Putting the "Christian" in Christian friendship - "To make their welfare of higher interest than our own." A description of Christian friendship by Jonathon Parnell from Romans 15:2.

Don't be afraid to pray whatever it takes - Jon Bloom says, "we should plead for the discipline" that helps us to grow.

and helped in my marriage.

Don't take it from me: Reasons you should not marry an unbeliever - Kathy Keller, wife of Tim Keller, gives some helpful suggestions for counselling Christians who are considering marrying unbelievers.

A picture perfect marriage I, II and III - A great mini-series by Challies on marriage. To husbands: "Do you have that picture in your mind, of your bride, your wife, standing there before the Lord, washed clean of every trace of sin? Fix that in your mind because God calls you to help her get there!" (See also Mutual submission, on Ephesians 5:18-21.)

I read some great answers to serious questions about pornography,

Should I marry a man with pornography struggles? - An excellent answer to a difficult question from Russell Moore - and a great description of godly manhood. HT Challies

You just caught your son in [viewing] porn. What do you do? - A very helpful article by Rick Thomas about what to do if you discover, for example, that your teenage son has been sneaking out of bed to view porn. HT Challies.

and was reminded that life is worth fighting for.

Five things we can do for the unborn - John Piper: "If you could see each little handiwork of God and what it looks like when it is being crushed or poisoned or starved, you would say, this can't be happening! Civilized people do not do this! The children will not be saved and God's work will not be reverenced without an act of sustained sympathetic imagination. Otherwise it is out of sight, out of mind — just like Dachau, Buchenwald, Belsen, and Auschwitz. It just couldn't be happening. And so we act as if it isn't."

The child fashion model with down syndrome - Amazing - and wonderful. By Joe Carter.

The authentic feminism of Melinda Tankard Rice, Sisterhood beware - silencing ideas silences protest, Why being Christian gets you crucified - Three articles defending anti-porn, pro-life activist Melinda Tankard Rice against the abuse she has suffered for her views. HT Nicole

I was inspired by a moving story,

Bittersweet - Amy's post about her sister's lost fight with breast cancer and about our very good God, who answers prayer.

intrigued by a helpful new series,

How to stay Christian in seminary - A new series about how not to end up at theology college less Christ-centred than when you started.

and amused and comforted about my "failures" in memory and motherhood.

Wordsmithy (book review) - "The fact that you can’t remember things doesn’t mean that you haven’t been shaped by them." Well, that's a relief! A quote from Douglas Wilson's Wordsmithy, a book on writing reviewed by Challies.

I get a kind of guilty pleasure from reading about the so-called "failures" of other mums. Not sure if I should! But I identified with these: Amy's A thirsty person shouldn't drink salt water (I loved the bits about the sock drawer and sleeping in school uniform!) and Jenny's If I was a proper mother (I, too, feel great pressure to shop at Aldi and markets - and, instead, guiltily do a one-stop-shop at Coles).

Finally, I was reminded why the cross was necessary.

God, man and the atonement - "When...we have glimpsed the blinding glory of the holiness of God, and have been so convicted of our sin by the Holy Spirit that we tremble before God and acknowledge what we are, namely ‘hell–deserving sinners’, then and only then does the necessity of the cross appear so obvious that we are astonished we never saw it before." From John Stott's The Cross of Christ, quoted in Of First Importance

a better country

Readers from Melbourne will probably guess this was written a couple of days ago, at the end of a heat wave. But today seemed a good time to post it: it's Australia Day. For all who feel at home where they live - and for those who don't.

It's been breathlessly hot for days. At night, it's hard to sleep: we have to choose whether to close the window and swelter in the stuffy room, or open it to invite in the occasional puff of air and the mosquitoes.

Last night we opened the window and risked the mosquitoes. As I leaned on the window sill and savoured the cooling air, I heard a munching noise from our persimmon tree. I could see leaves moving, and glimpse a furry face in the gloom. I shone a torch in its direction, and sure enough, there was a fat old possum, munching on a green persimmon. I'm not sure how he can bear it! I've tasted a persimmon far riper than the ones on our tree, and it shrivelled my tongue.

The possum is an old friend. As I sit on the couch and sip my morning coffee, there he is, regular as clockwork, trundling along the fence. He's twice the size of a small cat and twice as heavy as a large one, solid with muscle and fat. I'm not sure how he can move his bulk along the narrow fence. He waddles, balancing himself with a thick, fuzzy tail, and the leaves of the persimmon tremble as he disappears behind them. I don't know where he sleeps during the day, but it can't be far away.

Last night his eyes gleamed red in the torchlight. I said a mental "Goodnight" and retreated to the wrinkled sheets of the bed. When the night's this hot, I don't sleep deeply: I doze, half-waking to the heavy scent of eucalyptus oil hanging in the still air. I breathe it in, and the mosquitoes don't seem to matter.

Like so many generations of Australian children, I grew up on the literature of Britain. The oaks of Narnia and the elms of Middle Earth marched across my imagination, and the grey-green eucalypts of Australia didn't quite measure up. This wasn't helped by the cutesy gumnuts Snugglepot and Cuddlepie or the unlikely antics of Blinky Bill: Australian children's literature hadn't yet come of age. Hopefully, it will be different for my own children, thanks to authors like Alison Lester and John Marsden; but I'm only starting to feel like I belong here.

This morning I sat on our back veranda and listened to the dawn chorus. Which makes it sound far more ethereal than it is! No robins or thrushes here. Not even the Australian equivalent, the unearthly carolling of the magpies or the gurgling of the kookaburras; instead, the gums behind our house explode every morning with a flurry of buttercup-and-white feathers and the screeching of the cockatoos. They prance up and down, display their crests, jostle for position, play king-of-the-branch, and goggle at me with reptilian eyes.

There's a pause in the cacophony, and a quiet breeze rustles the wattle leaves. The cool change is coming. And suddenly, I know it: this is my place. My country. For a little while.

To live in one place and long for another is good training: you learn to long for heaven. To live in a place and love it is a different kind of training: it gives you a foretaste of what is to come. Because however at home I feel here, this isn't my homeland. I belong to a better country. In Jesus, I have finally found the way home.

All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them. (Hebrews 11:13-15 NIV)

This post first appeared at The Briefing.

image is by jjreade from flickr

from link to link to link to...

From my friend Honoria's Facebook page:

read Jean Williams' blog, which tags Justin Taylor's post, which quotes David Powlison, commenting on B. B. Warfield's sermon, saying it's...

The Most Riveting Description of the Goal of Christian Living I’ve Ever Read thegospelcoalition.org

Now I know why I had so much trouble with that link.

Classic!

what I'm reading: how prayer is like marriage from JI Packer's Praying

Oh, for goodness sake! I keep forgetting to post my Monday quote! Hopefully it will get easier once the kids are back at school...

Here's the quote I meant to post earlier this morning. It's by JI Packer, and it's on prayer: a bit of a theme in my reading at the moment. Which is a bit ironic, since I just realised I haven't prayed yet today: I got distracted by making the boys' breakfasts.

Our praying should be a regular routine...similar to the way that wise couples who live busy lives plan the time of day when they are going to talk about how the day has gone and just enjoy being together... It is like scheduling an afternoon where husband and wife will go for a walk together; where nobody will interfere, since there is a lot of stuff that they need to go over together and much they have to do for refreshing their relationship to each other. There is endless benefit to be gained from a regularly scheduled appointment for your time alone with your Lord and from planning ahead some of the ground that you will cover when you and he are alone together.

From JI Packer and Carolyn Nystrom Praying: Finding our way through duty to delight pages 14-15.

online meanderings - resolutions, praying with kids, unexciting sermons, and other stuff

I don't do a lot of online reading. Usually, I stick to a few favourite blogs. But this year, I'd like to try reading a bit more widely, and share the fruits of my labour with you (with apologies to Nicole, who already does a great job of this!).

Here are some of the most encouraging posts I've read this last week (although some have been on the internet for longer than that!). There are a few extra this week because I'm catching up.

Praying for your children - Ever wondered what to pray with your children? I love this prayer for boys - a great summary of godly manhood! - from Darrin Patrick.

How to get more Scripture - Jess gives some helpful suggestions for mums who struggle to find time to read the Bible.

Resolved by the grace of God - Burk Parsons explains how to make your New Year's resolutions sensible, dependent, humble and Christ-centred. HT Sandy.

Read the Bible in a year - Rachael talks about the thematic Bible reading plan she's using - the same one my mum is using on her iPhone YouVersion app! It looks so good I want to try it myself.

On doing ordinary things - Challies explains why not every sermon can be exciting; read this next time you feel like whining (listeners) or giving up (preachers).

10 years on - Jenny talks about why 10 years of being a minister's wife makes you less judgemental.

Into the light- Carolyn McCulley shares a sobering story about why we shouldn't hide our sin from one another.

Healthy sexuality - Challies' very useful list of good books on sexuality.

Grace-motivated dieting - Mike Cosper talks about dieting, and how to know when it is - or isn't -gospel-centred.

Mercy Teams - Ali explains why short term missions are worth it. HT Challies

Finally, three great quotes shared by Justin Taylor. Here are some teasers (click on the link for the rest):

How to Influence a Younger Christian - Don Carson: “Do you ever say to a young Christian, ‘Do you want to know what Christianity is like? Watch me!’ If you never do, you are unbiblical".

Packer: Why we should meditate on the four gospels more than any other book - JI Packer: "Some Christians seem to prefer the epistles as if this were a mark of growing up spiritually; but really this attitude is a very bad sign."

The most riveting description of the goal of Christian living I've ever read - BB Warfield:" We cannot be self-consciously self-forgetful, selfishly unselfish." Why holiness is about love, not self-improvement.