what personality tests can't do

I love personality tests. That’s not surprising, because people with my personality type enjoy self-analysis.

My husband, on the other hand, dislikes personality tests. Yet he still uses them in ministry training because he appreciates how useful they can be in helping people understand themselves and others a little better.

There’s a lot to be said for personality tests. But, as with any ministry tool, there’s also a lot they can’t do. ...

Read the rest at GoThereFor.com.

staying energised as a mum whatever your personality type

Two days ago I asked: how do you cope if you're a parent and an introvert? After you responded, I realised that coping can be just as hard when you're an extrovert, cooped up at home all day - but that the solutions will be different.

My friend Rachel send me a wonderful link for mothers (and others) that I wish I'd read 13 years ago. She wrote,

Jean, have you checked out motherstyles.com? They have this cool energy plan. It comes up with a list of ways you can be energised according to each of your four Myers Briggs letters. I love it!

Whether you're a mum or not, take the quiz (or this one if you're not a mum): it's well worth it. It will help you understand your mothering style: why you relate to your kids the way you do. Best of all, mum or not, it will give you four ways to refuel, to keep your energy for the long haul.

If you're wondering, I'm an INFJ, which makes me a 'know thyself' mum: 'I believe the joy of motherhood is self-discovery—for them and for me.' My self-care plan shows that I'm re-energised by time alone; time for reflection; a break from others' needs; and structure. Quadruple whammy. And I thought it was just because I was an introvert...

What's your type? What have you learned about your mothering style and how to stay energised in mothering? I'd love to hear from you!

prayers for personality types

Have you ever done a Myers Briggs personality test? In the very first post I wrote for this blog, I shared the profoundly important discovery that I'm an INFJ.

Apart from the opportunity to make some very lovely INFJ friends, and the occasional fleeting meditation on how I like my interior and exterior worlds to match, this knowledge hasn't meant a huge amount to me.

But I laughed when my INFJ friend Sandra sent me a link to these Myers Briggs prayers.

Here's my prayer:

"Lord, help me to not be a perfectionist.
(Did I spell that correctly?)"

Here's the prayer for my husband, who's an INTJ:

"Lord, keep me open to other’s ideas,
WRONG though they may be."

If you know either of us, you're chuckling right now!

image is from Las Valley 702 at flickr

the results are in!

It's the moment you've all been waiting for (or at least, you would have been, if you had any idea I was subjecting my husband to this) ... the results of Steve's personality test!

These results have only been gained with great difficulty on my part, since Steve has absolutely no interest in analysing his personality. I printed out this questionaire, but could only ask him the questions when:
a) he couldn't get away from me (i.e. when we were shut in the car together);
b) he could hear me over the car stereo (Steve is introducing our kids to the delights of music from the 60's, 70's and 80's, from the Beatles through Abba to U2. Ever heard a 4-year old sing "Ah wanna wock an' woll all nigh' "? It's very distracting.);
c) he was willing to answer "just a few questions" (i.e. a page or two of unswerables such as "The process of searching for a solution is more important to you than the solution itself" - answer "no", we think).

It only took me 3 months to gather this information.

Well, it turns out that Steve is a borderline INTJ / ISTJ, using the Myer-Briggs Type Indicator. But it is the INTJ characteristics which so amusingly sum him up.

For INTJs apparently:

- project an aura of "definiteness" and self-confidence - occasionally mistaken for arrogance (surely not!) by us mere mortals;

- have a witty and irreverent sense of humour, and can occasionally be seen to clown around;

- are non-conformists, even if they observe social norms for their own or others' sake ("But the invitation doesn't say I have to wear a suit!");

- choose jobs combining intellect and incisiveness (student work, anyone?);

- are not easily taken in by buzzwords or slogans ("Why would anyone want to eat a hamburger just because they see it in an ad?");

- (now this one's bizarre) tend to be guarded in their facial expressions, but when they become animated, use characteristic hand movements (Steve's gestures while giving a talk have led to many amusing parodies on the part of his trainees - and not a few unconscious imitations);

- have a strong need for privacy (it would take a pick-lock or a crowbar to break into Steve's home office while he is working);

- are deeply committed in relationships, but see rituals and ceremonies (like weddings) as a waste of time (it's amazing what you will go through for the sake of your wife-to-be, although our wedding photos do reveal a certain subtle resistance - bleached hair, anyone?);

- have the same personality type as C.S.Lewis, Gandalf the Grey, Mr. Darcy (now there's a triumvirate to be proud of) Jane Austen (yeah!) and Hannibal Lecter (oops!). Oh, and Dr. House (I added that one for fans of House).

Interestingly, the NT's best match is an NF (which, like astrological matchmaking, should be taken with a large grain of salt unless, like me, you're an NF a married to an NT).

The NT's calm steadiness complements the NF's emotional warmth (for which read: cold fish need warming up, and volatile ditherers need grounding). And they both enjoy abstract discussions and playing around with language (for which read: no-one else is going to have patience with all that obscure conversation).

And if the NTs love of chasing down fine logical distinctions in an argument can wear out the NF's patience (particularly when the argument gets heated), and the NT's lack of emotional expression occasionally rubs the NF's emotional expressiveness up the wrong way (and vice versa, no doubt) - well, no relationship's perfect.

Still, NTs make "wonderful mates", being loyal, uncomplaining, warm and honest. And both types are uncommon and only rarely find each other. Which makes me all the more grateful for God's sovereign care - and sense of humour.

What other human being would have married Steve or me and enjoyed it?

personality tests

Yes, I admit it, I'm a sucker for personality tests. I love the way you can spend 10 minutes absorbed in the fascinating topic of yourself, and at the end of it - for only $2.00, people! (actually, I'm too much of a skinflint, I stick to the free ones) - you receive a complete personality profile, tastefully presented with graphs, comparisons to your Facebook friends, and even suggestions for improvement ("perhaps if you opened yourself up to new experiences...")

This week, I've discovered that I'm an INFJ - thus gaining a defining sense of self in only 4 letters - on the impressively named Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. According to Wikipedia, which is, as we all know, the source of all truth, only 1.5% of the general population belong to my type - so I now know that I am rare and unusual (the thesaurus gives the synonym "wierd"). A website on the Kiersey types describes me as having "an unusually rich inner life" (ooh, I like that - great how you can pick and choose) and have an "intricately woven, mysterious" personality which will "sometimes puzzle even" me (yep, agree with that!)

I have discovered that INFJs love personality tests from the fact that I've already met two equally obsessed INFJ friends on Facebook. I now know why my best friends see me as an "extrovert", while a colleague described me (in print) as a "shy girl from Blackburn" (I've never quite forgiven him). I have also learned why I carefully write a pro and con list, then make a life-changing decision based purely on what "feels" right e.g. on whether I've eaten too much chocolate that day, yet another thing INFJs are apparently prone to.

So how much more do I really know about myself now that I've taken the test? Well, I've realised just how self-absorbed I can be, from the amount of websites I've looked at. And I've been reminded how well that little idol, that statue of myself, is firmly seated on the throne in my heart, from the way I am ceaselessly fascinated by my own personality. I have been reminded that I, like all of us, am "fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalm 139:14).

In a sense, I've learned nothing that I didn't already know. I've been reminded that God has given me particular strengths so I can help others; that I have a propensity for certain weaknesses; and that I have put myself, not God, firmly at the centre of my life. In other words, I need God's grace as much as ever.