household management (5) tidying and cleaning

Now for something a little less complicated than budgeting (although to look at my house today you wouldn't think so): keeping the house clean and tidy. With thanks to everyone who shared their ideas.

To keep the house tidy, 'pick up 5' whenever you get home or have a spare moment. Get into the habit of putting a few things away as you go from room to room. Don't let yourself start a 'hot spot' - a pile of junk to be put away another time - instead, when you pick something up, carry the job through to completion (an opened envelope, a school notice, a dropped toy). Tell me if you ever manage this.

The key to tidiness is de-cluttering: having less stuff. Go clockwise around the room and pick up 5 things to throw or give away. Repeat. Repeat again. Then take that bag to the bin or op-shop straight away. (I'm hopeless at this - a natural hoarder! - but I'm starting to discover the joy in getting rid of stuff.)

Make cleaning fun. Put on some music and dance your way through the jobs. Or get a headset on your phone and chat to a friend (I'm so much more productive when I'm talking to someone!). Or hand your toddler a broom and get them involved. Take a moment to bask in the cleanliness once you've done - very motivating!

You can give your house a basic clean in about an hour: I know, I do it most weeks (floors, bathrooms and toilets). Keep everything in one place - cleaning products, sponges etc. - and create a routine that works for you and that you can move through without thinking. For this weekly clean, you don't need to be too thorough, just do the important bits...but the rest also needs to be done, so...

Add 10 minutes to your weekly cleaning (or grab any spare 10 minutes you have) and do one extra job e.g. wash some windows, clean out the fridge, de-cobweb the ceilings, wipe down the walls. Keep a list of these jobs as you notice them for a spare moment when you can't think what to do next. Living in a place more than 5 years makes you realise that spring cleaning really does need to happen!

Get the kids involved. Use chore lists to encourage kids to do daily jobs like dishes. Set aside an hour or two on Saturday mornings when the whole family does chores around the house and yard. (I've written quite a lot about chores and kids.)

If you want a more thorough guide to planning chores, check out FlyLady or Motivated Moms.

What about you? Any ideas for keeping on top of the mess? Share them here.

You can follow this series here.

image is by Aunty Cookie from flickr

a question for you: lazy around the house?

After all that talk about housework and work, it seems a good time to ask you a question from a friend. (My friend, by the way, is pregnant with her second baby.) This is an issue I struggle with too, so we'd both love to hear your advice!

I want to ask how you organise your time? I know we're at very different stages of life, and I shouldn't aim at being some kind of supernatural wonder woman, but sometimes I feel like I don't get anything at all done, and it's mostly because I'm disorganised and generally lazy about things around the house - it's so easy to be lazy at home when nobody else is watching! Of course, that then leads to guilt about not getting things done... I've also just read Shopping for Time, so I'm starting to try to implement some of their suggestions, but is there any extra advice you could give?

Have you ever felt like this? Have you got any suggestions? Share your experiences and ideas here.

image is by Aunty Cookie (very appropriate!) from flickr

housework has a 'work' in it

It's funny how the me of the past can surprise and challenge the me of the present.

Usually, I regard the me of the past with a little disdain. Haven't I moved from there? Was I really so worried about that issue? Oh, please!

But sometimes the me of the past floors me with her (my?) wisdom - a wisdom I lost somewhere along the way. This happened to me recently when a friend sent a suggestion for a blog post:

I remember when I was first home with my first child, that you helped me greatly by suggesting that I work at the housework consistently through the day with a few breaks rather than completing a job and then stopping.

I said what??? And (embarrassingly) how seldom have I lived up to this since? Of course, there's nothing magical about my then-approach to housework, but it's a helpful pattern.

But it's what my friend added next that really helped me:

I have found it much better for my mood to see the house and kids as
something I work at all day not just when a need arises.

Now that's helpful.

It's relatively easy to work when you're at work. The boss is watching, there are people around, and you'll eventually get fired if the job's not done. There are clear expectations, clear tasks, and clear achievements.

It's not so easy with housework. You have to be self-disciplined and self-motivated (or visitor-motivated). No-one cheers you on. You do it, then do it all over again the next day - and the next.

Like all work in this fallen world, housework can feel like unrewarding drudgery. Probably more so, because (or so the voices in our heads tell us) who wants to be a housewife these days? Shouldn't my husband be doing as much as I am? Isn't there something more meaningful I could be doing with my time?

So we swap anecdotes about how little we do, boast about how much our husbands do, squeeze housework into increasingly smaller portions of time, and look down on our house-obsessed friends. I know, I've done it. (And yes, while you can turn housework into an idol, my tendency is to go too far the other way.)

So I like what my friend says. I like the idea of treating this wifing / mothering / housework thing as my job, not an annoying intrusion into work, ministry and relaxation. Because this is my work (or part of it, anyway). This matters. This is valuable. This requires generosity, self-discipline, grace - and a pair of strong arms (Prov 31:17).

Thanks, friend, for the reminder that housework has a 'work' in it.

If you enjoyed this, you might enjoy:
a tale of two mornings
cleanliness is not next to godliness

there are many ways of being a godly woman

There are many ways of being a godly woman.

In my mind there is the one way. Her house is clean and uncluttered. Her washing is neatly folded and placed in tidy drawers. Her children are well-behaved (and if they're not, she has her discipline system all worked out, and applies it without anger and with consistency). She gets up at 6 every morning to read her Bible and pray. She's a brilliant cook, turning out healthy meals and home-made cakes. Her family eats with candles and napkins, and discusses helpful topics as they use their knives and forks. There's no pile of un-dealt-with school notices and ancient-things-she-meant-to-get-to-years-ago next to her phone.

There are many ways of being a godly woman.

I visited a friend the other day. She confessed that her cooking reached an all-time low last year when she made toast for her family's main meal - and burnt the toast. She has a large family, and the house isn't huge, but there's often a boarder living with them, and you'll usually find some of the local kids hanging out. She works in ministry, sleeps until 8 every morning, and the kids do their chores before she gets up. She's brilliant with a paint-brush or a spanner. When people arrive at the door, she laughs at the mess and asks them in. She has gifts of evangelism I can only dream of, and loves, chats and gently hectors her friends into the kingdom.

Put her in the domestic goddess box, and she sticks out all over the place.

I can't live up to her. I can't live up to the domestic goddess either. But I can be me. I can be the godly woman God made me to be.

With God's help I can, anyway.

And yes, before you ask, I know there are lots of non-negotiables in being a godly woman, some of which I wrote about in this series. But lots of variety too, depending on personality and circumstances!

balancing homemaking and ministry (5) my plans for 2009

There'll be a few changes next year! This year, I was so eager to take on new ministry opportunities as I left the baby years behind, that I over-committed myself.

This blog was a surprising new ministry. Add to that new writing opportunities, an unexpected chance to lead a young mum's Bible study, Sunday School classes, an unhealthy perfectionism which means I spend too long on things and find it hard to disappoint people, and some terms double- and triple-booked with seminars and writing tasks, and you can imagine it's been a little crazy!

Family and home are still my main priority, but some months I've given my kids less attention than I would have liked, I haven't supported good friends well, and the house has started to look neglected. I'm also a little tired and burnt-out. These are precious, brief years with my children, and I don't want to waste them!

I've made my plans for 2009 with greater prayer and care. For the first time (I say this with great embarrassment!) I've sought my husband's detailed input into my plans (yes, I do seek his advice regularly, but to my shame, I've never sat down with him and gone over the next year's plans in detail). I didn't commit to anything until he agreed with my priorities and said, "I think that sounds manageable". He's far more sensible than me about what I can and can't cope with!

Here's how the decision-making looked for me:

Heart-work
God has been convicting me about how I often seek praise from people rather than from him: a poor motivation for ministry! I've brought my heart to God, repented of pride, ambition and people-pleasing, and asked him to make me more like Christ.

I'm naturally a workaholic, which is sinful pride. I need to learn to say "no", to be disciplined about when to stop reading or writing (right now, in fact, as I edit this post!), and to take time off each week. I'm thinking of having a weekly computer-free day to devote myself without distraction to my family.

Time for home and ministry
Here's how I've planned my time:

Daily (pretty much in order of priorities)

• time with God in the early morning - I'm an early bird, but it takes discipline to devote that first, quiet hour to God when so much else is begging to be done!
• a couple of hours with Steve every evening - Our marriage needs to stay healthy, for it's the primary relationship (after God) in our lives and family.
• time for each of my 4 children - We eat, chat, learn and read the Bible together; I'm there when they get home from school; and they all know Mum is available for some one-on-one time each day - reading, chatting, doing jigsaws, cuddling!
• home tasks - Washing clothes, cooking, getting kids ready for school, driving the family taxi, etc.
• a nap in the early afternoon - These days, I need this to give me energy for my family during the afternoon and evening.
• a quiet hour in the early afternoon for blogging (This is where I'm at right now.)

Weekly (pretty much in order of the days)

• Monday, Wednesday - home duties. I've found I need 2 mornings to manage our home. Monday is for cleaning (a clean house is oddly important to my mental state - for my friend, it's cooking!) and Tuesday is for odd jobs (shopping, errands, budgetting, paperwork).
• Tuesday - a flexible morning for people. I pray with friends, have a coffee with neighbours or school mums, take Andrew to the park, or deal with unexpected responsibilities.
• Thursday, Friday - intensive ministry. Once I've cared for my home and caught up with friends, I have 2 mornings left for intensive ministries like writing or leading a Bible study.
• Saturdays and Sundays - family and church. Weekends are for outings, jobs around the house, teaching piano to the kids, cooking lunchbox fillers and meals to freeze, and church (and some time off!).

Monthly
One Friday a month, I put ministry aside and spend a quiet morning resting, reflecting and praying. This helps me stay on course spiritually, mentally and physically.

Ministry opportunities
Here's how I've planned my ministry:

Priority 1: help my husband in his ministry

• prayer - Most days, I pray for my husband's godliness, love and wisdom in his leadership of our marriage, family and ministry.
• hospitality - I get our home ready to welcome visitors for meetings and social events.
• using my skills - I edit our uni Christian group's newsletter 3 or 4 times a year - a job I don't enjoy but try to do cheerfully to help my husband! ;)
• ask! - I recently decided to ask Steve more often about how I can help him in his ministry (writing Christmas cards for our supporters came up - if you're one of them, tell me how I do!).

Priority 2: serve people in my church and reach out to my community

• friends and neighbours - I keep 1 morning a week free for people. I pray with friends, spend time socially with neighbours and school mums, and visit or mentor people.
• Sunday School - This is needed at our church, and it's also a way to teach my own children.
• young mums at our church - It's important to care first for the women God has placed in my circle, so I lead a Bible study on 1 of my 2 intensive ministry mornings.

Priority 3: the wider church and world.
I have most Fridays left for intensive ministry, although this is sometimes taken up with preparation for Bible study or Sunday School.

This is where I need to be very, very careful. I'm a dreamer, so I'm always making big plans. If I had my way (and if people would let me!) I'd be organising women's conferences, editing on-line magazines, and teaching lots of women's seminars. Wiser Christians have encouraged me to concentrate on writing.

I've agreed to one (I've learned through bitter experience to limit it to one!) extra writing /teaching project each term (Sunday School, seminar, article, EQUIP books). I'm learning to combine different responsibilities: to blog about what I'm preparing for Sunday School, or to teach the book I'm doing for EQUIP books in my Bible study.

So in this blog next year, you might find series on handling our thought-life (seminar), Hebrews (Sunday School), spiritual disciplines (last year's seminar) and mentoring women (article)! As God wills.

Well, I hope you've found these ramblings helpful. I know I'm exhausted, and I'll be glad to leave this topic for a while! As Sarah said, its' time to stop talking and start doing! You might want to tell us about your own ministry plans for next year in the comments today.

dust if you must

Yesterday, I was chatting to another pre-school mum about housework. I commented that there's less time for housework now I have children.

"Yes, I know!" she said. "I used to vacuum and sweep the floor 2 or 3 times a week. Now I only do it once a week. And these days, I only do half the dusting each week. One week I dust upstairs, the other downstairs."

I'm not sure we're on the same wavelength. Isn't dusting something you do when the shelves are nice and fuzzy?

My favourite quote about housework: "A house becomes a home when you can write 'I love you' on the furniture."

If you need more reasons not to dust, check out dust if you must. Image is from morguefile.

guest post: Emma's vacuuming

For the first time in my life, I regretted vacuuming today.

Normally it gives me such a wonderful sense of satisfaction. A physical, productive, efficient job where the results are obvious really quickly. But today, I feel a great sense of loss after my vacuuming endeavours.

As I was vacuuming Isabella's room, I heard a chink. "Oh dear", I thought, but kept on vacuuming. "It must have been a little trinket of jewellery or something. Oh well, she's got millions of those." Kept on vacuuming...

And then I realized as I swept the vacuum head over yet another yellowy-white hard object...

A memory came back to me - a memory of a little silver box with red velvet lining. An empty box - sitting on Isabella's shelf - I had seen it a few days ago. "Oh no." Chink. These thoughts happened in the space of a split second - too quickly to stop what I was doing.

Two baby teeth and a big one.

"Will I tell her?" I thought. "Oh dear, I have no more of her baby teeth to keep. That period of her life is lost forever."

As I went on with the vacuuming, I kept thinking about childhood memories and the desperate attempts I sometimes make to preserve them for my children.

Why do I take this so seriously? Is it because I feel like my parents hardly kept anything from my childhood? Is it because I am obsessive about my children and I just want to keep them small and cute forever?

I was reminded today that I probably spend too much time on this kind of thing - writing down cute quotes, recording heights, measurements, keeping 1st drawings (and 2nd, and 3rd.....and 99th). Some of this time I spend could be reallocated to working on their godliness - with far more eternal consequences.

Treasures in heaven, that do not rot or spoil (or get vacuumed up....)

cleanliness is (not) next to godliness

I was frantically cleaning the house this morning before our staff team arrived, when the vacuum cleaner broke. I cleaned as well as I could to the accompaniment of some tears of frustration and tiredness (Andrew woke me at 4.30 old time last night, and didn't get back to sleep until 6.30 new time.) I was still cleaning when the staff team arrived, but at least the state of the floor wasn't going to disgust anyone any more!

Having forfeited my morning walk (& pray) to clean, my high stress levels led to some reflections on the godliness of cleaning.

When is cleaning godly? Well, it depends on our motivation, and the impact on ourselves and others (or even, like this morning, on our prayer life.)

Cleaning can be an idol: I've heard of people who spend hours every day sweeping perfectly clean floors. Perhaps it makes them feel in control, I don't know, but I doubt if it helps their relationships with family and friends. But while most of us probably don't have this problem (I certainly don't!) cleaning can still be an idol or an obstacle to relationships.

Perhaps cleaning has become an idol for us:
a) if we make others uncomfortable because our house is too clean, so they and their children can't relax;
b) if we become irritable with our family and friends' children when they mess up our clean house;
c) if our obsessive cleaning makes others feel bad about their own standards of cleanliness;
d) if we don't let people into our house because we feel too ashamed of the mess.

Perhaps we could do with some more cleaning in our life:
a) if the chaos in our house reaches a point where it makes others feel uncomfortable or unwelcome (unlikely, but possible!);
b) if our partner finds it hard to relax because the house is so messy;
c) if we are failing to serve our housemates or family by keeping up our end of the housework;
d) if we don't let people into our house because we feel too ashamed of the mess.

Cleaning can be an obstacle to ministry. Our visitors are probably less concerned with the mess than we are; perhaps we need to relax a bit, and let them see what life is really like for us! Why do we feel a need to pretend we have it all together when we don't?

Cleaning can also be a way to serve and minister to others. I know one godly couple who made sure their house was relatively clean on a Sunday so they could invite people over for lunch after church.

That being said, if you're really struggling to keep the house clean and tidy, relax. There are more important things, like loving your family and friends. Remember Martha (Luke 10:38-42), who Jesus rebuked because she was so "worried and anxious" about the state of the house, that she was cooking and cleaning rather than listening to him (as a fellow homemaker, I've always felt a bit sorry for Martha!)

Next time your house is a pigsty, perhaps you could remind yourself, "I'm more of a Mary, really!" and go for a walk and pray, or play with your kids and have fun making some more mess together.

If you're really struggling in this area, Fly Lady might help - some formerly chaotic and messy people swear by it.