little acts of kindness

Macca writes about how little acts of kindness help people who suffer in big ways:

Sometimes people’s problems don’t go away. Bereavement and loss. Chronic pain or fatigue. Depression or anxiety. The serious illness, such as cancer. It may seem like there isn’t much we can do.

But, let me encourage you to think again. Maybe there’s something you could offer that would just make things a little easier. In fact, it might make all the difference in the world. It could be as simple as popping over for a cup of tea. Maybe you could offer to read the Bible with them or pray for them. If you offer anything, please make sure you follow up on it.

Little things show that you are still thinking of them. They indicate that you care. They demonstrate commitment. They’re not hard to do. Little acts of kindness can make a very big impact.

I thank God for the little things that people have done for us. For the gifts, the visits, the calls, the practical help, the messages. And the prayers. A little prayer to our awesome God is a kindness of huge proportions. Thank you.

You can read the rest here.

woman to woman (4c) a Titus 2 curriculum: biblical womanhood

God has given us an important role in the lives of younger women: to teach and train them in godly womanhood (Titus 2:3-5). We've seen how this can happen in all kinds of ways, like young mums' Bible studies, book clubs, and letter-writing. But what are we to teach? So far, we've talked about the gospel and sound doctrine; today, I talk about biblical womanhood (a huge topic you can read more about in this series).

3. Biblical womanhood

Women also need to hear about God's glorious plan for womanhood. Manhood and womanhood were not an afterthought in God's design for humanity. From the moment of creation, God made us male and female, equal before God, with different roles and responsibilities. The woman was made to be the man's ‘helper’, serving God in light of the created order (Gen 1-3, 1 Tim 2:11-15).

Titus 2:3-5 spells out what this looks like in the life of a young, married woman with children. She is to love her husband and children, stay pure and self-controlled, manage her home and practise kindness, and be submissive to her husband. This isn't an exhaustive list, nor does it mean that a married woman shouldn't do paid work outside the home, as long as this supports, rather than undermines, her commitment to home and family (cf. Prov 31). But it does show where her primary focus lies.

Yet we must be careful not to use Titus 2:3-5 to encourage women to idolize home and family. As Nicole Starling says,

These particular instructions to women in Titus 2:3-5 are meant to sail on an ocean of general instruction given in the Bible for all of us as Christians: without an awareness of that big ocean of the Bible's teaching about Jesus and the kingdom of God, the Titus 2 boat can end up bobbing around harmlessly and inoffensively in the backyard swimming pool of suburban materialism, going nowhere.2

Much teaching on Titus 2:3-5 subtly encourages household idolatry. Singleness becomes a waiting room for marriage, rather than an opportunity to serve Christ with undivided attention (1 Cor 7:32-35), and the family home becomes an end in itself, rather than a place to reach out to others.3

But Titus 2:3-5 encourages young women not only to ‘work at home’ but also to be “kind”.4 In 1 Timothy 5:9-10, the word ‘kind’ is linked to many good deeds of godly women—not just bringing up children, but also showing hospitality, serving Christians, and caring for the needy. A godly woman's home is not only a secure refuge, but also a base for loving, serving and reaching out to others.

2 Nicole Starling, ‘Transformed by Titus 2’, 1 September 2008, http://equipbooks.blogspot.com/2008/09/chapter-1-transformed-by-titus-2.html.

3 Carolyn Mahaney's Feminine Appeal (Crossway, Wheaton, 2004), the best book I've read on Titus 2:3-5, occasionally has this tendency.

4 ‘Agathos’, the Greek word for ‘kind’ in Titus 2:5, is almost always translated ‘good’ in the ESV and NIV, and is used frequently in Titus for the ‘good deeds’ characteristic of Christians responding to God's grace (see Titus 1:8, 16, 2:5, 3:1).

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biblical womanhood (7) being kind and doing good

Our houses ... should be pleasant havens for our husbands and children, sanctuaries where we offer care and hospitality to other Christians, and gateways from which we extend the gospel to family, friends, and neighbours ... We should be renowned for good works at home, in our churches, and extending into our communities. (Carolyn Mahaney Feminine Appeal pp.114, 128)

This week and next week, I'd like to reflect on how to balance ministry inside and outside the home (yes, I know it's a massive issue, so share your thoughts with me! - and yes, my friend, I'm addressing your question at last).

I thought I'd start by telling you how the word kind in Titus 2:3-5 opened this particular can of worms for me.

It seems to me that teaching on homemaking can sometimes put home and family on a pedestal, to the neglect of the wider church and world. I felt this occasionally with Carolyn Mahaney's Feminine Appeal (I liked Nicole's comments here) although I love how she interweaves good works inside and outside the home in the quote above.

This concentrated focus on home and family concerns me particularly as we come to the word kind.

You see, the word kind in Titus 2:3-5 is from the Greek word agathos. In 89 out of the 102 times it appears in the New Testament, it's translated good. In 2 of these examples, it's describing the good deeds women do, for people outside as well as inside the home (Ac. 11:24; 1 Tim. 5:10). Over and over again, including in Titus, Christians are encouraged to abound in good deeds (Tit 1:16; 2:12-14 and e.g. 2 Cor. 9:8; Gal. 6:10; Eph. 2:10; Col. 1:10; 2 Thess 2:17; 2 Tim 2:21; 2 Tim 3:17; 3 Jn 1:11).

It would surprise me, given all this, if the word kind or good in Titus 2:5 doesn't have a wider focus than the home.

But maybe this wider focus is only for older women. Young women are told to "to marry, to have children," and "to manage their homes" (1 Tim. 5:14). A woman over 60, on the other hand, should be "well known for her good deeds, such as bringing up children, showing hospitality, washing the feet of the saints, helping those in trouble and devoting herself to all kinds of good (agathos) deeds" (1 Tim. 5:10), like Dorcas, who's "always doing good (agathos) and helping the poor" (9:36).

Are young women to be devoted solely to home duties, then as their children become independent, to devote themselves to good works outside the home?

The Proverbs 31 woman, however, famously does it all: she helps her husband, cares for her children, dispenses wise counsel, manages an extended household, makes clothes and linens, oversees servants, runs a thriving home business, speculates in land, plants vineyards, and cares for the poor. But this is an idealised picture, and I assume a woman won't do all of these at once during every season of life (or ever!).

And what about Jesus' statement that "anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me", and "anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me"? Of course, this doesn't negate our responsibility to care for home and family (1 Tim. 5:8), which is the main way we serve Christ if we're wives and mothers. But the radical demands of the gospel will still have an impact on us and our families.

So I'm left with some questions. It's clear that the first priority of a godly wife and mother is to love her husband and children, and manage her home. But it seems that a godly woman will also be known for her good deeds outside the home. I assume that the balance between ministry inside and outside the home will differ according to the season of life a woman finds herself in, but that "kindness" or "good deeds" will always reach out as well as in.

What do you think? How do you prioritise homemaking, and still reach out to people with the gospel, serve in your church, and care for the needy in your community? Should you be expected to do any of these things while you've got young children? Or should you wait until they're all grown up and you have time on your hands? Do you think ministry should only be done when it "blesses" your family? Or will ministry always involve cost for your husband and children? Have you seen any good, or bad, examples of balancing ministry and homemaking in practice? How do you balance ministry inside and outside the home? How are you planning to do this next year?

Perhaps you could give me your ideas today, and I'll give you mine next week.

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a lesson in kindness

Last week, under the fatherly hand of God, I learned a short, sharp lesson in kindness.

I have dear friends who excel in kindness. As soon as they hear of someone in need, they are there with loving service: making plates of food for a child's party, baby-sitting during a time of stress, cooking meals for someone who's ill.

I easily forget simple acts of kindness. When people share their problems with me, I tend to listen and advise rather than offering practical help. I don't even think of providing such help, and if I do, it often seems too hard for this mother of 4. I say this to my shame.

But last week I learned first hand what it is to go through a difficult time without much help. Not through anyone else's fault! I refused the help that was offered, because of my own pride and inexperience of grief. Like many of us, I prefer independence to the humility of accepting service, and I didn't realise how debilitating grief would be.

I learnt first-hand how important other people's kindness is in helping us deal with the difficult experiences of life. I was reminded that kindness isn't academic, that it has an impact on real people in the real world. I realised that when I fail to offer kindness to someone, I may be increasing their exhaustion and discouragement.

I needed this small rebuke from God! I hope and pray that next time someone tells me about a difficult time they're going through, the first words out of my mouth will be, "Tell me something I can do to help!"

Sunday School - fruit of the Spirit - kindness

Last week's Sunday School lesson, unsurprisingly, wasn't quite as well run as usual! A bit like one of those awkward Bible study discussions where you ask all the wrong questions.*

Yet it was an appropriate week to talk about kindness. For my father-in-law David, who went to be with the Lord 3 days before I taught Sunday School, was one of the kindest people I knew.

Many people have shared their stories of David and Audrey's quiet, gentle, practical loving-kindness: a young man who lived with them after moving from the country, a woman who ate many meals in their house while suffering through churchly disapproval after a marriage breakdown, a student who enjoyed David's cooking during many Christian camps hosted at their bush property.

In the mind-numbing tiredness of grief, I found it difficult to prepare last week's lesson, but I won't quickly forget what I learned about kindness: a simple yet profound quality, which forgets self and cares for the needs of others.

I was frantically trying to decide which Bible story to teach, when I noticed how often the word "kindness" appears in the book of Ruth (2:13, 20; 3:10).

And yes! There it was! The story of Ruth, a humble woman who quietly cared for the needs of her mother-in-law Naomi. The story of Boaz, a faithful man who served his God by leaving the left-over gleanings of his harvest for the poor, and who took pity on Ruth and gave her food and protection.

I made one of those "televisions" where you paste pictures from a story on a scroll, roll it onto two sticks inside a box with one side cut out for a "screen", and turn the sticks to show each scene as you tell the story:

The children, appropriately enough, made pictures, letters and cards for people in need: a sponsor child, a sick brother, and, in the case of my son Ben, a grieving grandmother. He drew himself with his arms around her.

I can think of few better ways to honour David's memory than to offer the gift of kindness this week. But this humble man would have asked you instead to "honour God" by being "kind to the needy" as you imitate the "kindness and love of God our Saviour" in Christ Jesus our Lord (Prov. 14:31; Tit. 3:4).

Kindness: a friendly smile, a hospitable meal, an encouraging word, a visit to someone lonely, a gift for someone in need, a meal cooked for a grieving friend (believe me, they need it!). How many ways can you think of to show kindness this week?

*Ever told a bunch of kids how kind Ruth was to marry Boaz (Ruth 3:10) instead of running after all the younger men? Don't bother!