what I'm reading: learning surrender

One of the ways suffering shapes you is that it teaches you peace. It teaches you surrender. It teaches you to trust and accept God's will. It teaches you that his love and grace will always be there, no matter what.

After four years of fighting God over my son's chronic illness - of asking him, "Why?" - of crying out with bitterness, there was a night, etched deep in my memory, when I reached the bottom of the well, that dark place where there's nothing left but surrender. And with that surrender came peace.

And so, when my husband Steve was diagnosed with cancer, there was something in me that accepted it. The day I heard, I felt angry at God - I don't deny it. But it took much less time for me to reach a place of surrender. I have seen God's love in the hardest places. It is strong, and it is real. And so I can submit myself more gladly to his will.

Which is all by way of introduction to this quote, from a women who suffered two miscarriages, and then, years later, another two. Here's what she says:

We tried again and miscarried—my fourth miscarriage during six years of marriage. My response during those days was quite different from the first two. I was sobered. I knew I didn’t have control—I couldn’t make a baby be born—and I was surrendered to that fact.

I was also at peace. I had spent the last few years preparing for another trial, and God’s promise stood true:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus (Phil. 4: 6-7).

Surrendering to the Lord, crying out for help, and thanking him for what I did have proved to bring me great peace. God also tells us that the mind set on him will be given peace, because that person trusts the Lord (Is. 26:3). The Lord was faithful to fulfill these promises. I was at peace because he had given me peace. I was at peace because Jesus was enough for me.

Can I encourage you not to be scared of suffering? Yes, it is terrible, and it hurts horribly. But God will be there for you. You may not see it straight away; it may take years for you to see it; but it is true. His will is good. His grace is enough. He walks with us. He shelters us. And nothing and nobody can separate us from his love for us in Jesus. Be at peace.

You can read the full article by Trillia Newbell at Christianity Today.

online meanderings

How to practice a gospel-centred spirituality - So rare to read something this good on spiritual disciplines.

Being a woman in a frightening world - The author does a good job balancing caution and trust.

Loving Chinese migrants - Some great tips.

Waiting to awaken love - On keeping sexual desires in check.

Love in a time of chronic fatigue - With a son who suffers chronic fatigue and finds church hard, I appreciated this post.

Falling in love with Leviticus - 4 things that happen when you study Leviticus for more than 10 years.

Many of us who wouldn't dream of viewing God's Word in a false or distorted way, think nothing of viewing God's world in a false or distorted way. - David Murray

There is an ultimate harvest, a tree of life whose fruit we will taste on the last day when our waiting finally comes to an end with the return of the bridegroom to claim his bride. On that day, our cold and wandering hearts will finally be transformed and made whole. We shall behold the loveliness of his form with our own eyes. On that day, our joy will be complete. Iaian Duguid

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online meanderings

When fear seizes you - "When fear begins to creep in and all the “what-if” situations begin to consume your mind, here are seven things to remember ..."

Is it a sin to moralise the Old Testament? - Yay! to Peter Adam for writing this. About time someone said it.

The greatest gift is God himself - When God doesn't answer prayers for healing, what then?

Gifts and what they teach us - How gifts train us in humility and service.

Indigenous ministry - Now you see it, now you don't.

Do your laundry and engage the issues - Why working hard at home and at work doesn't mean closing your eyes to the world.

5 wise principles gleaned from a life of excellence - A story of cancer and the testimony of a life well lived.

O for a mind and will that need no more to quiet it than to know what is the will of God and our duty, and in every estate therewith to be content. - Richard Baxter

The gospel says, ‘Mourning does not have the final word. Healing does. Joy does.’ - Robert Kelleman

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online meanderings

Does Jesus really love me?

God's grace will find you, even in the shadow of death. 

Losing a baby; not losing my faith - A wonderful article.

In every marriage, there is already the seed of divorce - The question is what we will do with the seed.

You are on assignment from God - I like what he says about gifts and humility.

How should writers and editors work together? - As both a writer and an editor, I found this post helpful.

Everything that happens today has been filtered through the loving hand of a loving God. - Michael Kelley

Women are better served when they can admit, and when the men who love and shepherd them acknowledge, how difficult these much loved relationships and places are — and because of that, how hard God’s commands toward these relationships can be for us to obey ... It’s only in the gospel that we can face the hard places of our homes and relationships. - Kim Ransleben

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online meanderings

Quiet the fear, do the work - Why sharing our faith is more about courage and hard work than gifts.

Help me face today - Helpful words from Trillia Newbell about fear.

Wrestling with an angel - "My son turns twenty-two tomorrow, and his mom and I will grieve—deeply, silently, secretly, and personally ..."

Sometimes flight is the best fight - Some great insights about how will, emotions and reason fit together as we fight sin.

Why I lost faith in the pro-choice movement and A Christian woman who's had two abortions - Two interesting, honest posts on abortion.

Dear mama of littlies - An encouraging posts for mums with babies and toddlers.

Whatever our individual weaknesses are, they are given to us by God so that we can rest in his grace and rely on his strength. - Christina Fox

We need the example of women teachers. When a woman sees someone who looks like her and sounds like her teaching the Bible with passion and intelligence, she begins to recognize that she, too, can love God with her mind- perhaps beyond what she thought necessary or possible. … We need the perspective of women teachers. A woman teacher will naturally gravitate toward application and examples that are accessible and recognizable to other women….We need the authority of women teachers. A woman can tell other women to stop making idols of their children or spouses in a way a man can’t. A woman can address other women on vanity, pride, submission, and contentment in a way a man can’t - Jen Wilkin, "Women of the word"

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online meanderings

Brought up in a legalistic church and freed by grace, Wendy Alsup writes about how she is learning to appreciate Proverbs and the law again.

When God's gifts don't come wrapped in pretty bows - The unwelcome gift of suffering.

The dead end of sexual sin - An interesting story with great hints about how to fight sin.

How to love your depressed friend - Truths that help, truths that don't.

Do what you do: just add one or two - A great principle for training.

Have you been touched by the grief of miscarriage? - Here is a book and interview that might be helpful.

Afflictions are often the black folds in which God doth set the jewels of His children’s graces, to make them shine the better. - CH Spurgeon

There comes a moment in the path of suffering when you move from efforts to jettison the weight from your shoulders toward adjusting the weight so you can carry it for the long haul. ... Such weight is impossible to bear if you don't believe in the joy set before us, the destination in eternity that will not disappoint. Wendy Alsup

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online meanderings

Are you finding it hard to read the Bible? - Here are 3 good ways to mix it up a bit.

3 reasons women need good theology - It's a pity we ever doubt it.

Alzheimer's, the brain, and the soul - A fascinating interview with a doctor.

Those who suffer know him better - "If suffering disproves your Christianity, you’ve missed Christianity."

Never sorry enough - When you feel like someone is just not sorry enough.

Mom Enough - This free digital book from Desiring God should be worth reading, given the quality of the writers.

It is better to walk in the dark with God than to walk alone in the light. —The Still Small Voice

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online meanderings

I will write something soon - in fact, I already have, just waiting for it to appear on other blogs. In the meantime, I'm catching up on months of reading, and finding some gems.

You are dust, not divine - A helpful article about bearing burdens and the Burden Bearer.

When you don't have time to pray - I enjoyed this.

Common grace and common griefs - Helpful for those moments you feel like complaining about the hard stuff of daily life.

My baby's heart stopped beating - A beautiful and thoughtful post.

A letter to young writers/bloggers/speakers - Take time in your twenties and thirties to deeply study God's word. Great advice.

Did Tolkien waste his life? - This is good reading.

When valuable things are taken away from you, you run to what no one or nothing can take away. - Paul David Tripp

I can still believe that a day comes for all of us, however far off it may be, when we shall understand; when these tragedies, that now blacken and darken the very air of heaven for us, will sink into their places in a scheme so august, so magnificent, so joyful, that we shall laugh for wonder and delight. — Arthur Christopher Bacon

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online meanderings

Bible reading is an art - "The point of learning the little bits of science ... is to be ready to dance when the music begins to play."

Envious? - Here is strong medicine for the soul.

Mums need theology too - And so do the rest of us. 4 brilliant examples of how theology impacts life.

You never marry the right person - An excerpt from Tim Keller's excellent book.

When adoption goes bad - Counting the cost.

What is your exit plan? - How parents create their children's digital history.

O how many pangs you will spare yourselves if you don’t make any beginning in evil. There is evil enough in your own heart for Christ to deal with. You don’t need to burden him with more. - John Piper.

Sorrows come to stretch out spaces in the heart for joy. - Streams in the Desert

online meanderings

Okay, so I was never going to do another online meanderings, but I want to remember these posts! So here they are. Just a few from my recent online reading, which I am finally getting back to ...

What not to ask someone who is grieving - A wonderful description of grief, though I think the question, "How are you?", is fine if asked by someone who is truly concerned.

Which promises are for me? - I loved this article on how to read God's promises. So often misused.

Straight talk on trials - What she said.

3 reasons to love the Psalms - One day you will need them.

The introverted pastor's wife - A topic I'm often asked to write about.

The worst ever honeymoon - Need a good belly laugh?

We need to know, in the core of our being, down in the cellar of our souls, that God’s love and approval do not depend on anything we do. The same God who made us from dust knows we are dust, and He redeemed us Himself. We are caught in His arms, caught in His gaze, and there is nothing left for us to prove. There is only God’s love, and the Cross has already proved it. - Elizabeth Trotter

Little faith will bring your souls to Heaven, but great faith will bring Heaven to your souls. — C. H. Spurgeon

online meanderings

When God seems silent

Whole house reveal - How to truly makeover a house. Love it!

10 things missionaries won't tell you

4 questions to keep close to your wallet

The perfect family - An honest, haunting story about a family full of needs.

6 ways your phone is changing you

How to understand Revelation - Brilliant!

If you only choose to praise the Lord when you’re healthy, comfortable and enjoying life, you’re going to spend a lot of your existence grumbling and questioning God's love and goodness. Paul Tripp

People do not drift toward holiness. Apart from grace-driven effort, people do not gravitate toward godliness, prayer, obedience to scripture, faith and delight in the Lord. We drift toward compromise and call it tolerance; we drift toward disobedience and call it freedom; we drift toward superstition and call it faith. We cherish the indiscipline of lost self-control and call it relaxation; we slouch toward prayerlessness and delude ourselves into thinking we have escaped legalism; we slide toward godlessness and convince ourselves we have been liberated. - Don Carson

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online meanderings

Learning to speak to yourself - I once thought that the psalms were sung by a fine choir in God’s throne room. Then I actually read them, and they sounded more like the words a street troubadour who encourages the participation of those around him. Now I find that they are simply spoken and sung everywhere: in the darkness of night, in the early morning, in all the details of everyday life. And there are a handful of psalms in which the psalmists speak to themselves ...

Stop faking spiritual maturity

4 ways to prepare for suffering now - These would top my list too.

4 reasons to sit near the front in church

The pointlessness of unplugging

for young men
Dear single dudes: it's time to man up

Letter to a potential boyfriend  

Pornolescence

Growing older should grow faith, so that like Abraham, we look forward to the heavenly country, to the city built by God—the permanent city, the one with foundations (Hebrews 11:10, 13-16)—where we can be forever with our eternal, unchanging, wholly-satisfying Lord. Rebecca Stark

Healing is a good thing, but it remains entirely in God’s hands. We cannot force or demand it and it is not a benefit that we can earn or receive as a reward. Healing is a gift. There is no secret rite that will elicit its appearance, no magic formula that will sway the sovereignty of the giver. God will bless as he sees fit and in accordance with his own counsel and wisdom. Should he choose to bless you with this mercy, receive it with humility, thanksgiving and joyful praise. Should he choose to withhold this mercy, endure with humility, thanksgiving and joyful praise. - Scott Blackwell

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online meanderings for dads and mums

Our children are our neighbours too

4 lovely pieces of advice for a young dad

Letter to a potential boyfriend - A mum writes to a young man who wants to date her daughter. Awesome.

On daughters and dating - For dads: how to intimidate potential suitors.

Why my family doesn't do sleepovers - This is not the only helpful approach, but it's worth considering.

When we’re exhausted, when we feel the dusty earth of the Calvary road, we can remember that it’s especially then that the life of Jesus is manifested in us (2 Corinthians 4:10). It’s then that Jesus gives us more of himself, proving over and over that he is enough, that he is good, that there is more joy in him than in the grain and wine that abound (Psalm 4:7)—or in the kids who never make messes and the dinner that prepares itself and the schedules that operate seamlessly. He is better. There’s no way a finite, nurturing heart can hold all these things, but Jesus can, Jesus does, Jesus will. - Gloria Furman

I like to think that the amount of water my children waste when they shower is partly made up for by their failure to flush the toilet and remember to brush their teeth. - Deb

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online meanderings

Get out of your holy huddle - 7 ways to deepen relationships.

When the prospect of pain threatens our pleasure - Thoughtful, encouraging.

Christianity is not a religion of the stiff upper lip - Just read the Psalms.

The day I lost my temper - "More like I found my temper. I found it right where I left it." 

Will she live with us forever - A moving post about a daughter born with Down syndrome.

12 questions to ask before you watch "Game of thrones" (or any show with nudity in it).

A pattern for regular time off, 3 assumptions we must conquer, and 8 ways to say "no" - 3 posts on busyness and burnout.

The 5 stages of biblical repentance - "One of the strangest and most deplorable phenomena I’ve ever encountered in the Christian church is the tendency of many believers to take the side of the abuser in domestic violence, child abuse, and sexual assault cases, particularly if the abuser is a pastor or leader in the church."


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online meanderings

The psalmists' rich view of depression - An interesting article about the psalms, biblical counseling and depression.

What to do on days when sin looks delicious

3 thing things I tell myself when I'm feeling low on patience

When it's time to leave a church - Red lights, green lights, yellow lights.

On the benefits of employing people with disabilities - An inspiring story.

for parents:
Setting up my kids for salvation (or why we can't) 

5 ways to model grace-dependence to our children

An open letter to my daughter-in-law - A great read for mums, especially new ones.

Eternal life is more about a Person than a place. ... That is the treasure you have discovered in the field of this fallen world. Jesus has paid for it all, and it costs you everything you own in this age to have it. Yet it is such a small payment for such an everlasting, never-ending treasure that only a fool would pass it up. The treasure makes all the difference. Jon Bloom

The person of great sacrifice must be the person of little sacrifices ... The big moment of courageous action doesn’t occur in a vacuum, but has behind it tiny moments of simple sacrifice that have been trending that direction all along. In other words, if we can’t wash dishes and change diapers, we shouldn’t kid ourselves with the idea that we’d step in front of a bullet. If we are stingy with our time and money toward those in need, we’ll be stingy with our lives when a gun gets pulled on innocent people. Jonathon Parnell

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online meanderings

Partnering with people in their pain - By a man whose wife lives with chronic pain.

A year that hasn't gone according to plan - More helpful reflections from Jenny.

The extraordinary work of ordinary means - How songs can do their work long after they are sung.

God has timed the grief of aging perfectly

Pastors, you make your own sandwich - A great post about life and ministry.

Learning to be a writer - Very reassuring.

for parents ... and a quote for tired mums
10 toys I don't regret buying

Qualities to teach your kids as they relate as brothers and sisters

'This is the season of boo-boos and spit up and dirt. It’s the season for 10 minute showers, half shaved legs, and one eyed mascara. You will get lonely. And jealous. And maybe sometimes you’ll begrudge your life and wish you had someone else’s. You’ll get frustrated and angry and you’ll want to escape. This will be the most unglamorous and unappreciated time of your life, and sometimes it just totally sucks. That’s ok. But have peace in knowing that this will be the season you look back on longingly. One day, we’ll gladly give up all the friends in the world to have our babies small again. To be able to fit them on our laps and read them stories and go on adventures and eat pancakes at every meal. Kristen

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online meanderings by the numbers

7 (+ 1) benefits of going through hard times

8 baby steps to Christian courage

9 ways to battle the darkness of anxiety and depression

3 things to guard against in the middle years

15 things not to say to someone with a chronic or invisible illness

10 toys I don't regret buying 

5 ways you can hurt your credibility without realising it

online meanderings

That which I did not sow - For the kind of loss you can't speak of, and unexpected growth.

Words for the suffering - "I doubt I would have heard those words if they had come before the tears and the silence. But because they came after those things, I heard them with my heart."

Portrait of down syndrome - A beautiful post about a son and opportunities for people with special needs.

Say the last 2% - Don't leave the main point out of your conversations.

One way to stop worrying

6 lies grads will be told - To which you can add: "You are the cream of society".

for parents:
A ridiculous-sounding affirmation for tired mums by Gloria Furman.

What are we teaching our daughters? - There are more important things than flower arranging and sewing.

I was hunting for resources on helping my son cope with anxiety when I found these: Kids and stress Helping kids cope with stress

for preachers:

Many of the truly great preachers of every era were not people who only read other preachers. Part of what made them great communicators was a facility with language, an understanding that storytelling was at the heart of what moves people. In our own language, they were rich in Shakespeare, full of Milton, well-versed in verses outside the canon. Go beyond the artist/preacher you admire and go their own sources. I think we will all be richer if you do, because you will be richer. SD Smith

You will not be able to extemporize good thinking unless you have been in the habit of thinking and feeding your mind with abundant and nourishing food. Work hard at every available moment. Store your minds very richly, and then, like merchants with crowded warehouses, you will have goods ready for your customers, and having arranged your good things upon the shelves of your mind, you will be able to hand them down at any time without the laborious process of going to market, sorting, folding, and preparing… Take it as a rule without exception, that to be able to overflow spontaneously you must be full. Charles Spurgeon

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online meanderings

Sexual desire and the single girl - We don't have enough writing and conversation on this topic. A helpful post.

8 ways to comfort the suffering - Beginning with "Show up!".

Missionary died thinking he was a failure; 84 years later thriving churches found hidden in the jungle - Encouragement for when we can't see results.

Don't hide the strangeness of the gospel; embrace it with clarity - Just like Jesus did.

Delicate tastes - "I've come to suspect the gluttony of nice things, or daintiness, lurking in our increasing appreciation for finer cultural goods."

Is looking back to past relationships a good idea? - Here's wisdom.

Same sex attracted? Well, quit whinging - Sounds harsh, but this is actually a helpful read for all of us.

for parents:
When parents don't want to go to church - A great little article that reminds us: our example counts.

Three things teenage daughters wish their fathers knew - The helpful results of an unscientific and very small survey.

Cyber-parenting on Minecraft - A good beginning.

One thing I have learned over the course of our church’s afflictions is that when a saint’s body gives way, their spirit builds up. They get smaller, and God gets bigger, as if their passing is itself a foretaste of the day Christ will put all things in subjection under his feet. And we are not annihilated on that day but redeemed, resurrected, restored. When we die, we get smaller and God gets bigger, that he might be all in all (1 Cor. 15:28). Jared Wilson

If anyone is serious about writing (or art in general) it’s important to get beyond what we usually like to call “inspiration.” In fact, that’s the wrong word. That first swell of love we have for a potential work isn’t inspiration, it’s infatuation. And just like in human relationships, once the infatuation fades, the real work of love begins. And it’s in the context of that real work—that work in which you may seem at times to fall out of love with the object of your labor—it’s in that work that real inspiration takes place. And it’s out of that hard labor that a work of art is finally hewn. - Pete Peterson

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online meanderings

True kinship - Can you adopt someone into your family? A celibate man writes.

Life is not in my control - A wonderful post by Jenny Kemp.

Grumpiness and irritability - "Maybe you don't vent--you just stew ..."

No one left behind - How easy is it to disappear from your church?

10 good reasons to memorise big chunks of the Bible - Reason 1: Because you have a bad memory. That's enough reasons for me.

Debunking 5 myths about expat life - Ever wondered what it's really like to be a missionary?

For parents
How many children should I have? - I think this is a pretty good answer from the perspective of wisdom.

Soul food for mum - One mum encourages another.

The new greed. We are after so many things, and it's playing out on our phones and iPads and computers as much as it ever has in our material possessions and our bank accounts. Why are we--why am I--checking my phone so often, scrolling through Facebook or Instagram? What exactly are we looking for? Why are we leaving our present reality that God has given us so richly to enjoy to go somewhere else in our mind, a place often called Comparison or Discontent? It's something to think about, because it muddies the waters of what has real value, and because greed's mantra is that we never have enough. Christine Hoover

"Daddy, why is it so hard to say goodbye?" ... My girl and I may be separated for a few days. Or maybe the Lord will decide that I do not return from this trip. But even then, the separation will be short because we know, and we believe, in the words of the poet: “One short sleep past we wake eternally, and death will be no more.” In that day death will be gone, and so too will every painful goodbye. Tim Challies

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