a question for you about reading out loud to kids

A friend asked this question on Facebook:

"Now I've finished reading The Hobbit out loud to my children, what should I read to them next?"

I'd love to hear your ideas.

What are your favourite books for reading out loud?

Tell us here.

why I read my children stories

I stood under my favourite oak trees today and stared upwards, heavy dark branches reaching with improbable lightness into the blue of the sky. For a moment I was far from here, in the Enchanted Wood or Narnia or Middle Earth.*

It was a windy morning. I closed my eyes and listened to the "Wisha-wisha-wisha" of the leaves and almost, for a second, convinced myself that when I opened them I'd see or hear ... Something. A white glimmer as Moonface peered around a branch. A faun stepping between the trunks, umbrella raised and arms full of parcels. A lantern's glow and the far-off singing of the Elves.

I opened my eyes and smiled. Nothing. And yet, everything: the touch of enchantment lingering in the air, the hint of another world, the leaves repeating words on the edge of hearing. I know what they whisper - they speak of the glory of God (Psalm 19:1-6) - and a childhood filled with story helped me to hear it.

That's the beauty of stories. They hold the promise that there is something deeper. A wardrobe is not just a wardrobe, but the door to another place. Trees are not just trees, but the outliers of a land we belong to but have never seen. The sound of wind in the trees is not just an accident of air currents moving against the ear drums, but the signature of the King who rules this country.

That's why I give my children stories. I want their imaginations to grow tough and strong. I want them to long for another place. I want them to sense the beauty of hope and sacrifice. I want them to taste the flavour of God in this world. I want them to aspire to the love that risks all for a friend, the courage to confront dragons, and the perseverance to see this hard journey through to the end.

My children don’t just read the stories I read as a child. This is a new age and it has new stories – ones that I enjoy discovering with my children. But as long as I can read them the good old stories, as long as their own stories speak to them of courage and love and sacrifice, and as long as they know the One True Story, I am glad. I hope that one day, like me, they'll be grateful for a mother who gave them stories.


* Enid Blyton's The Magic Faraway Tree series, CS Lewis' Narnia, and JRR Tolkien's The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings, for those of you who didn't grow up with stories.

This post first appeared at The Briefing.

illustration is by Pauline Baynes

when your children are sick

I woke up this morning with a headache. There’s nothing remarkable about that; but as I stood at the bench and gulped down a couple of pain killers, I was reminded of how unpleasant a headache can be, and how easy it is for me to get rid of it.

It’s not so easy for my son. Over the last two years, he’s missed many, many weeks of school due to headaches, tiredness and general all-around blah-ness. We’ve had blood test after blood test: all negative. A few weeks ago I took him to a paediatrician, and she told me it sounds like migraines. They run in the family, but I’ve never seen them like this before. They persist for over a week. His face is pale and his eyes dark. He sits listlessly, wrapped in a blanket. He misses yet more school. And migraines are tricky: there’s no cure, only vague management plans that may or may not work. So we’re not looking at any quick solutions.

This feels all too familiar. Four years ago, I wrote these words about my daughter: “She has been sick for over a month. Sore stomach, a bizarre headache in the back of her head, aching muscles. She’s been dragging herself through school and putting herself to bed an hour early every night, as her skin grows whiter and the circles under her eyes more purple”.1 I checked the Internet, as parents do, and alarmed myself with long words like slow-growing chronic myelogenous leukemia. Blood tests and a gastroscopy revealed a less sinister cause: coeliac disease. It took months on a gluten-free diet – months when she missed yet more school, or went to school teary and sick – before her health was restored.

So why am I telling you this? Because this is normality. It doesn’t feel normal, because kids don’t get sick all that often in our protected Western world. Not very long ago, they would have spent months in bed with the usual childhood diseases: mumps, measles, chicken-pox. Some got polio and were crippled for life. Many died young. They still do, in much of the world. We take vaccinations for granted, and we take healthy children for granted. But health isn’t normal: in this fallen world, sickness and struggle are normal (Gen 3:1-24; Rom 8:18-21). As Christians, we’re not exempt from these things. Indeed, they many come with greater frequency, as God grows us – and our children – into the likeness of his Son (Rom 8:28-30; Heb 12:7-11).

What attitude shall I bring to my children’s suffering? How shall I regard it? After long weeks of sickness, I’m tempted to complain to God and give in to despair. Why me? Why another child? Wasn’t one child with a long-term illness enough? Weren’t two? (I have a third child with ongoing health issues that I haven’t written about here.) In the back of my mind, I’m thankful that God has preserved us, so far, from the terrible suffering that many parents go through – a still-born baby, a child with leukemia, a disabled teenager – but in the forefront of my mind I’m confused, lost and desolate. Yet God is teaching me and my children so many things through these afflictions.

I learn not to expect perfection. What is it about our arrogant Western mindset that makes us expect perfection in our children, our families and ourselves? We assume that our children will be healthy and intelligent; that they’ll excel at school; that they’ll be well-behaved and accomplished. Go down this path, and it leads you to a world too terrible to imagine, where the lives of unborn children are worth nothing unless they are (apparently) perfect. But these are my children, infinitely precious, healthy or not.

I learn patience. The patience that enables me to cheerfully give up my precious solitude for another day home with a sick child. The patience that companions me during long hours in the doctor’s waiting room. The patience that helps me lay aside my plans and sit with my son on the couch, reading a story or playing a game. The patience that waits through many months to find an answer – any answer! – to a child’s worrying symptoms.

I learn to care. I’ve discovered that it’s remarkably easy to distance myself from my children’s pain. I’m tempted to tell them to stop whining and snap out of it. But it only takes a headache, like the one I had this morning, to remind me of how unpleasant pain is and how important it is to weep when my children weep (Rom 12:15) – to give them a cuddle and loving words, and make them as comfortable as I can2 – to turn these long days into precious memories of a mother who was there to comfort, leading them into the knowledge of a greater comfort (2 Cor 1:3-4).

I learn to pray, to bring my confusion and aching questions to God. Shall I refuse to trust him because he hasn’t made life trouble-free for me and our family? Shall I let fear and self-pity grow strong? Shall I pretend that God isn’t in control, that this suffering is caused by something other than him? Or shall I allow it to drive me to God, cast my anxieties on his strong shoulders, and beg him to help me in my unbelief?

I learn trust: the faith that grieves to watch my children suffer, yet somehow trusts God, on their behalf, that he has purposes in their lives that I cannot see. It’s trust in God that carries me through the dark days when I wonder what the next diagnosis will be, and that bleeds through words in my journal:

I can live with this uncertainty. I like to know the reasons, but I can live without a reason. I can live with the absolute certainty that God loves me and my children more than I will ever know, that he always has a reason for allowing us to suffer, and that the reason may stay hidden in his loving Father’s heart. I can trust my heavenly Father with my life and the lives of my children.

I learn to teach my children. I learn to work with, not against, God as he makes them more like Jesus (Rom 8:28-30). I pray with and for them. I help them to practise patience and a cheerful heart. I speak God’s words to them. As I write this, it sounds so much neater than the reality! The truth is that I have to remind myself to make this about more than another day of getting through it. I have to remind myself that kids need loving discipline, even when they're sick. I have to remind myself to give attention to their needs. I have to remember to speak of God’s sovereign purposes and loving care.

I committed my children to God many years ago. I gave him their lives: the lives he once gave to me. If the choices he makes for them are different from what I’d choose for them, I know his decisions are better and his love greater than my own. And if I ever have to face the worst of my fears – if I hear the words from a doctor that bring an end, for a time, to happiness – then I pray that God will help me to say “The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord” (Job 1:21). On that day, may I bring him my doubts, cling to him in my grief and trust his goodness. I want to love him more than anything, more than life itself, more even than the lives of my children.

So I go back to another day of getting on with my life and caring for my son at the same time. I ask how he’s feeling. I get him a drink. I do some chores. I check how he’s going. I pray, yet more prayers, that God would restore his health. This is normality. This is life. This is the Christian life. And I will trust my heavenly Father, and encourage my children to do the same.

1.From the post I wrote at the time: Trusting God with the life of a child. ↩
2.I was helped to recover these old-fashioned skills by Edith Shaeffer’s What is a family?: see my post Caring for the sick. ↩


This post appeared first at The Briefing this morning.

image is by kourtlynlott at flickr

my favourite children's books (1) chapter books

Here's a list of my all time favourite chapter books for children and teenagers, as promised. With very few exceptions (when one of my kids, a good friend or her child adores them) these are the kids' books I love the most.

Most of them are books I enjoyed as a child, some I discovered as a young adult, and others I found as I searched for books to read to my kids. I'm a great fan of children's and teenage fiction, so I add more to my list every year!

There are many, many others I could have included, including lots I'll be encouraging my kids to read as they get older (Treasure Island, Tom Sawyer, Obernewtyn etc.) but this is a personal list, and I've only included my favourites.

Ages are only approximate, as every child and parent is different. There are a few adult books in the teenage section which I enjoyed at that age, and some collections of stories and 1 or 2 books of poetry have snuck onto the list.

Please add your own favourite children's books to the comments. I'd especially like to hear about well written, well produced, theologically astute Christian books for kids - but I'm also interested in all kinds of other books, as you can see! I hope you enjoy browsing the list, and perhaps choosing some to read yourself, or to your child.

young children
Christian
Paul White Jungle Doctor Fables
other
Enid Blyton Faraway Tree series, Wishing Chair series, Naughtiest Girl in the School series (I could keep going)
Joyce Lankester Brisley Milly-Molly-Mandy
Dorothy Edwards My Naughty Little Sister
Ruth Park The Adventures of the Muddle-Headed Wombat
Leslie Rees The Big Book of Digit Dick
James Herriot James Herriot's Treasury for Children
Beatrix Potter The Complete Tales of Beatrix Potter
Rev. W. Audrey Thomas the Tank Engine
A.A. Milne Winnie the Pooh (although I like his poems better - When We Were Very Young and Now We are Six)

early to late primary
Christian
CS Lewis The Chronicles of Narnia
Patricia M St John Treasures of the Snow, The Tanglewoods Secret, Rainbow Garden (all of her other books too!)
Irene Howat Ten Boys who Changed the World / Made History series and Ten Girls who Didn't Give In / Made a Difference series (Christian biography for kids)
Paul White Jungle Doctor series
John Bunyan Pilgrim's Progress
other
Laura Ingalls Wilder Little House series
Arthur Ransome Swallows and Amazons series
Elizabeth Goudge The Little White Horse
Elizabeth Enright's Melendy quartet: The Saturdays, The Four-Story Mistake, Then There Were Five, Spiderweb for Two
Noel Streatfeild Ballet Shoes, White Boots, Gemma series (I love everything she writes)
Fraces Hodgson Burnett The Secret Garden, A Little Princess, Little Lord Fauntleroy
E Nesbit The Railway Children, The Story of the Treasure Seekers, Five Children and It trilogy
Astrid Lindgren The Bullerby Children series
Johanna Spyri Heidi series
Robert C O'Brien Mrs Frisby and the Rats of Nimb
Roald Dahl Danny the Champion of the World, Fantastic Mr. Fox, Matilda (I love most of his books)
Kenneth Grahame The Wind in the Willows
E.B. White Charlotte's Web
Tove Jansson Finn Family Moomintroll series
Dodie Smith 101 Dalmations
Meindert Dejong The Wheel on the School
Mary Norton The Borrowers series
S.A. Wakefield Bottersnikes and Gumbles
Susan Coolidge What Katy Did series
Elyne Mitchell The Silver Brumby series
George MacDonald "A Little Princess" in The Light Princess and Other Stories, The Princess and the Goblin
Susan Adler Samantha, Valerie Tripp et al Josefina, Janet Beeler Shaw Kirsten, Connie Rose Porter et al Addy, and the rest of the American Girl series
Emily Rodda Fairy Realm series (excellent Australian author)
Enid Blyton Famous Five series, Malory Towers series, St. Claire's series
Beverley Cleary Ramona the Pest series, Ralph Mouse series (I've enjoyed all her books)
Eleanor Estes The Moffats series
Glenda Millard The Naming of Tishkin Silk, Layla Queen of Hearts
Hugh Lofting Dr. Doolittle series
Elisabeth Beresford The Wombles series
Lewis Carroll Alice in Wonderland (I'm not such a fan, but my 5 year old loves it)
May Gibbs Snugglepot and Cuddlepie
Hans Christian Anderson The Complete Fairy Tales
Jenny Nimmo Dog Star (a good author to look out for)
Alexander McCall Smith Akimbo books
Kate Dicamillo The Tale of Despereaux

older primary to early high
Christian
Marie Barham Blossom of the Crag
Sallie Lee Bell Until the Day Break
other
JRR Tolkien The Hobbit, The Lord of the Rings trilogy
Madeleine L'Engle A Wrinkle in Time
Richard Adam Watership Down
Paul Gallico Jennie, Thomasina (I love all his books)
Louisa May Alcott Little Women series
Robert O'Brien The Silver Crown
Tamora Pierce Protector of the Small quartet, Circle of Magic quartet and The Circle Opens quartet
James Herriot All Creatures Great and Small series
Gerald Durrell My Family and Other Animals trilogy, Encounters with Animals (and all his books)
Mary Mapes Dodge Hans Brinker, or The Silver Skates
Norton Juster The Phantom Tollbooth
L.M. Montgomery Anne of Green Gables series
Katherine Paterson Bridge to Terebithia
Alison Uttley A Traveller in Time
William Horwood Duncton Wood
Jean Craighead George Julie of the Wolves Trilogy, My Side of the Mountain Trilogy
Emily Rodda Rowan of Rin series
J.K. Rowling Harry Potter series
Colin Thiele Blue Fin

teenage
Christian
CS Lewis The Space Trilogy, Till We Have Faces
Isobel Kuhn By Searching
Corrie Ten Boon The Hiding Place
other
E.L. Konigsberg From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler (I enjoyed all her books)
Dodie Smith I Capture the Castle
Robert O'Brien Z for Zachariah
John Marsden So Much to Tell You, Letters from the Inside, Tomorrow series (some sexual content)
Todd Strasser The Wave
Jack London The Call of the Wild
Margaret Balderson When Jays Fly to Barbmo

mid to late teen
Anne Frank The Diary of Anne Frank
Ursula Le Guin The Earthsea Quartet
John Wyndham The Crysalids, The Day of the Triffids and all the rest
Chaim Potok The Chosen, My Name is Asher Lev
Miss Read Village School series
Mary Renault The Bull from the Sea
Mary Stewart Merlin Trilogy
H.G.Wells The Time Machine, The War of the Worlds
John Knowles A Separate Peace
Alan Paton Cry, the Beloved Country
Margaret Craven I Heard the Owl Call My Name
Arthur Conan Doyle Sherlock Holmes
Shakespeare Complete Works
Robert Frost The Poetry of Robert Frost
Jane Austen Pride and Prejudice and the rest!
Charlotte Bronte Jane Eyre

image is from emilywjones at Flickr.com

motherhood Q&A: less children, more ministry?

One of the best things about leading a seminar on motherhood was the fantastic questions people asked. I thought I'd take one question at a time, and have a go at answering them. I'm no expert, so please add your thoughts to the comments!

Q1. Should I have less kids so I can do more ministry?

What a great question! And it's not just theoretical: I have met godly parents, whom I respect greatly, who stopped at 2 children partly so the mother could have more time for ministry.

It sounds godly, doesn't it? Far better than the usual reasons for having less children: because it's too much trouble, or too expensive, or will stop me achieving my goals, or because (my personal favourite) we'd have to buy one of those daggy Taragos (guilty as charged!). One woman told me she said to her husband she would only have more children if he bought her a Hummer.

But my initial (and very tentative) response to the question is "no" (tentative, because I know some godly couples may make this decision). There are many good reasons to have less children, some involving ministry. But if someone told me they were having less kids so they could do more ministry, I would gently probe to see if there were any unhelpful assumptions underlying this decision. Here's why:

• The purpose of marriage includes children.
  We wouldn't (or we shouldn't) have no children for the sake of ministry, for children are one of the purposes of a godly marriage (Gen. 1:26-28, Mal. 2:15). So why would we have less children for this reason alone?


• Motherhood is ministry of great significance.
  To have less children for the sake of ministry, may reveal that we think motherhood isn't ministry, or that it's a lesser ministry than the ministry we do outside the home. I'd give someone who thought like this Susan Maushart's The Mask of Motherhood to read, a secular book which shows why we think this way; or a Christian book like Carolyn Mahaney's Feminine Appeal, to inspire her to think about motherhood as ministry.


• The early years of motherhood are only for a season.
  The day will come - sooner than you think! - when you will have time for ministry outside the home. It might feel like that day will never come. But this intense season is only for a short time: ask anyone with grown children! I know women often feel like their life is fast disappearing. But you have many more years of ministry ahead, God willing. And you will have so much more wisdom to offer people as you grow older.
• Motherhood enriches your ministry to others.
  Motherhood opens up many opportunitities for ministry and mission - hospitality, ministry to school mums, mother's groups, etc. (see missional motherhood). There are also mums who value my advice because they know that I understand life with 4 children. And what about the growth in character and godliness which comes with the stresses and strains of raising a family? You can't put a price on that, or the depth it brings to your ministry long-term. And what about the ministry your children will one day do themselves?

Of course, having less children for the sake of ministry may be one factor among others. Having more children doesn't make you more godly, as if the ideal Christian family is a big one. There can be ungodly reasons for having more kids, such as the idolatry of family.

Here are some good reasons I've heard for having less kids:

• The personality of the parents makes less children more suitable. Because the number of kids we have is a freedom issue, it's ok for personal preference, situation, past experience, age, financial resources, etc. to have a bearing on how many children we decide to have (of course, God may give us his own little surprises!).


• Health or psychological issues are involved: there's a high likelihood of kidney failure or pre-eclampsia during pregnancy, the mother suffers from high anxiety levels or severe post-natal depression, or there's a high risk of genetic abnormalities.


• A severely disabled or autistic child is already demanding a high level of care.


• Staying on the mission field may not be possible with more children, due to schooling and/or financial support issues.


• Staying in a significant ministry may not be possible with more children, because of the unique demands it places on a family e.g. long absences for the father, a need for the mother to help provide income.

You'll notice that ministry is a factor in some of these decisions. But let's not undervalue the ministry of motherhood, or the richness motherhood can bring to our ministry outside the home, or the ministry our children will do as they grow.

One more comment: many women with babies, in the fog of sleep-deprivation and continual crying, say "never again". Wait. This isn't the time to decide how many children you'll have. When your child is older, and you're feeling human again, your husband and you will be able to make a considered decision.

What do you think? You'll no doubt have perspectives on this issue I haven't thought of!

images are from stock.xchng