a glimpse into my life as a "helper"

A couple of weeks ago I published a quote about being a helper to your husband. Tamie asked,

Jean, can I ask you a personal question about how this has worked out in your own life? When did you do your PhD - before or after you got married? How did pursuing that cohere with your life and passions being wrapped up in your husband's?

I thought it might be fun to share my answer. A little glimpse into my life history. (And look! There we are, all young and skinny!)

My husband was studying theology, to prepare for work in ministry, while I was doing my PhD. I wanted to study theology too, but we couldn't afford that: I needed to work, and his studies came first, as he would be the one in full-time ministry later on. We couldn't really afford to start a family yet either (which perhaps would have been the ideal, and perhaps, looking back, we might have managed it, but there you go!). So I did a PhD in history (but really in theology) which I got a three year scholarship for. This meant I could de facto study theology, and support us financially at the same time. Our main goal was that Steve study theology and be prepared for ministry: the rest was a subsidiary of that.

Steve was also working part-time during that time as a children's and youth worker in a church. We lived on the grounds of the church, and I helped him run the kid's club once a week - hardly my first choice of ministry, but I enjoyed it all the same! He also did some unpaid, related ministry at the university campus nearby. We did this together as much as possible: I went to socials and perhaps (I can't quite remember now) I may have mentored some of the girls.

So you see I did a lot of "following" and "supporting" and "helping" as he prepared for his (our) life's "mission", if you want to put it that way!

During the last two years of my PhD - which, perhaps predictably, took longer than expected and the scholarship ran out - I did, and then we shared, a staff working job at another university. I handed in my PhD, got pregnant, and continued to minister alongside Steve on campus while I still could, until greater numbers of children made that impossible and my role became hospitality and encouragement. He kept working at that university full-time, is still there, and I'm still raising our family and supporting his work. We go to a church connected with the university ministry, and I encourage the young women there. I write (my own hobby/ministry!) and do a little paid editing work as needed by our family.

And the rest, as they say, is history! Not a perfect model, but that's how being a "helper" has worked out for me.

what I'm reading: how prayer grows as we grow from The Praying Life

The older I get, the more prayer becomes part of who I am. That's why I love what Paul Miller says about how prayer grows as we grow:

Because prayer is all about relationship, we can’t work on prayer as an isolated part of life. That would be like going to the gym and working out just your left arm. You’d get a strong left arm, but it would look odd. Many people’s frustrations with prayer come from working on prayer as a discipline in the abstract.

We don’t learn to pray in isolation from the rest of our lives...For example,...if I suffer, I learn how to pray. As I learn how to pray, I learn how to endure suffering. This intertwining applies to every aspect of the Christian life.

Since a praying life is interconnected with every part of our lives, learning to pray is almost identical to maturing over a lifetime. What does it feel like to grow up? It is a thousand feelings on a thousand different days. That is what learning to pray feels like.

So don’t hunt for a feeling in prayer. Deep in our psyches we want an experience with God or an experience in prayer. Once we make that our quest, we lose God. You don’t experience God; you get to know him. You submit to him. You enjoy him. He is, after all, a person.

Consequently, a praying life isn’t something you accomplish in a year. It is a journey of a lifetime.

Paul Miller A praying life page 2.

image is from Emily Elisabeth on flickr

only an N could say that...

I overheard my older son Ben saying to my middle son Thomas,

"Thinking and dreaming about something is just as good as doing it."

Only an N could say that.

Although surely there's something a little Hebrews 11:13-16 about it?

At least it will save lots of money on overseas trips.

see, you're not wasting your time

From my friend Steph on Facebook:

I made some offhand comment about wasting my time reading blogs. Wal said indignantly "reading Jean Williams' is not 'wasting time". ;-)

Thanks, friends!

Let's hope they're right.

online meanderings - criticized husbands, parenting with emotion, questions about sex and other stuff

This week, I was challenged by

How to help your husband when he's criticized - "Carefully listen to what's being said. If there is something legitimate, bring that lovingly and carefully to your husband...If I observed a wife who was reluctant to correct her husband I would be concerned with that marriage." CJ and Carolyn Mahaney quoted by Tony Reinke.

Pray with your books closed - I'm all too prone to pray with them open. "The aim of our study is to know God...Marvel...Close your books and pray." Jonathon Parnell.

Hospitality and generosity in the Luther home - A home open to boarders, and a pocket-book open to the poor. Justin Taylor

A rant about the black hole of social networking - "I wonder if we added up, collectively, how many hours mankind currently wastes on social networking sites rather than real-life doing good to others, or learning a new skill, or reading a good book, or performing Noble and Brave Acts, we would be amazed and apalled." An old post from a blog newly recommended to me by Leila and Maddi.

I was encouraged by

The glories of God's sustaining grace when our prayers aren't answered - "Sometimes God is more clearly present in the sustaining grace and peace he grants when he doesn’t choose to heal in this age." John Knight

Besties and resties - Glad to know I'm not the only one who feels oh, so uncool. Glad to hear your thoughts on friendship, Bek. Sounds like a plan - a good one.

Diciplining a child is like being on a permanent diet - Disciplining children is hard, constant work. Yeah! Soph HT Nicole.

Grace for today and not a drop more - "God showed up today with enough grace to get me through the day, and he’ll show up tomorrow too. So shut up imagination." Stephen Altrogge

I was helped by

Go beyond the sex questions - What do you answer when someone asks you what's appropriate in bed? "Perhaps it’s time that we shift focus from “Can we?” and “Can’t we?” to a better question: “Why do you ask?”" Trevin Wax

Love God in front of your children - "Don't just tell your kids to love God. John Piper talks in this short clip about why it's important to model and express our feelings about God to our kids." Thanks, Nicole.

How Seinfeld's productivity secret fixed my procrastination problem - An interesting organisational tip. HT Challies

I was informed by

What to say when someone says the Bible has errors - Really helpful stuff. Something I need to read slowly so I can answer my Muslim friend. Jonathon Dodson.

My twit's view of Lent - "I’m a little uneasy at how excited everyone seems about Lent...all the urgings of the need, wisdom, or great spiritual value of giving something up or adding some special activity...The reality is Christ. Do we need anything more?" I liked this post by Sandy Grant.

Anniversary number 1 for Sunday - A fascinating post about the attack on Darwin Harbour in 1942, a stained glass window, and prayer for our armed forces. Welcome back, Sandy!

A second anniversary for Sunday - "200 years ago...Adoniram and Ann Judson sailed from Massachusetts..., apparently the first Protestant American missionaries to travel overseas...A comfortable life for their kids was not the Judsons’ great ambition." Inspiring stuff from Sandy - again!

and this made me giggle.

The glory of the stay-at-home mom - From Vitamin Z.

gems from online: Why I hope real books never die

I might be some kind of Luddite but I love this. It's one of the reasons - the main one being cost - why I won't be getting an iPad anytime soon. Cool as they are. And I do acknowledge their coolness. And I wouldn't refuse one if you gave it to me. But all the same. Give me a book any day.

Old books are like old friends. They love to be revisited. They stick around to give advice. They remind you of days gone by...And they prefer not to be invisible....If all my books disappeared on to a microchip I might have less to lug around and I might be able to search my notes more easily, but I’d lose memory; I’d lose history; I’d lose a little bit of myself.

The other problem with ebooks is their bland sameness. This is why I can’t make it much farther than two books on any electronic device. The books don’t feel like anything. The font is the same and the white space is the same. There is no variance in paper or size or weight. Each book, when read on an ereader, loses its personality...

In a virtual world, with all its ethereal convenience, there will be many...who long for what is real. Something solid. Something you can hold. Something that hangs around even when you are finished with it. Something like a book.

Kevin Deyoung - Why I hope real books never die

image is from Sapphireblue at flickr

teaching our kids Two Ways to Live

The other day, my husband Steve told our four children to grab a piece of paper and a pen. Then he rolled out those old, familiar words: "God is the loving ruler of the world...".

We're teaching the gospel outline Two Ways to Live to our kids. Steve told them they'll get five dollars for every panel they get word-perfect. Actually, he wanted to give them one dollar, which says something about what a dollar was worth back when he was a child!

We figure that kids have great memories, so why not make the most of this by stuffing their heads with good things? And what better to fill their heads with than a simple gospel outline?

So far, our eight-, eleven- and thirteen-year-olds are word-perfect on the first panel. We're yet to see if the five-year-old can get his head around it. Although now I think about it, jelly-beans might be a better bribe reward for him than a five dollar note.

Oh, and we're getting the Two Ways to Live app on our daughter's iPod.

(By the way, please don't think our family is super-spiritual because I write about all the ways we teach our kids the Bible! We vary what we do from week to week and year to year. You'd never find us doing everything I've talked about in a single week. In fact, some days you won't find us doing anything at all!)

This post first appeared at The Briefing.

image is by Andy, age 5

a question for you: what does a woman's model of evangelism look like?

It seems I'm not alone. A few women agreed with an odd little statement I made last week:

I’m not sure where my mental image of “evangelism” comes from. I know one thing, though: it doesn’t look like me. It’s masculine and argumentative, maybe because much that’s written about evangelism is by men.

To which Bec said:

I think the point about masculine, argumentative evangelism is excellent. Something for me to think through further. I reckon there might even be a post in it too - what does a woman's model of evangelism look like in practice? - if you're up for it! And how do we do better at training younger women to think like this rather than the masculine model.

They're excellent questions, but I have no idea how to answer them. Can you help me?.

1. What do you think a "woman's model of evangelism" might look like in practice?


2. How could we do better at training younger women to think like this rather than the masculine model?

To leave a comment click here.

what I'm reading: time-wasting on the internet from The Picket Fence

I've been wondering recently just how much time it's possible to fill up with online meanderings and Facebookings and Tweetings and such, so this is timely.

I wonder if we added up, collectively, how many hours mankind currently wastes on social networking sites rather than real-life doing good to others, or learning a new skill, or reading a good book, or performing Noble and Brave Acts, we would be amazed and apalled. Such a generous way for the devil to make us all completely dull and ineffective as human beings...

If every social networking aspect of the internet were to crash, we would get on, we would make do, we would still have friends. Maybe more genuine friends. And maybe more time to love our neighbour, too.

I discovered this gem in Cath's A rant about the black hole of social networking from The Picket Fence, recommended to me by Leila and Maddi. Thanks girls!

image is by Write From Karen from flickr

not so small anymore

Conversation between my daughter and her "baby" brother.

Andy, you're cute!

I'm at school now. I'm not small and cute.

What are you then?

I'm big and tricky. I will trick you really easily. You had better get out of this room or I will trick you.