the lost art of caring for the sick

One of the womanly skills I think we've lost since the advent of vaccinations is the art of caring for the sick.

Some of my happiest childhood memories are of times I was ill. We had a special bell, a lady with wide skirts, that sat on the bed-side table, ready to call Mum. Propped up in bed, we'd play with special toys from a box that came out only when we were sick. While convalescing, it was a treat to emerge from the bedroom, lie on the couch and watch TV. Mum always seemed to know what to do: a glass thermometer tucked under the tongue (no digital thermometers back then!), special foods, a cool cloth on the forehead, carefully tucked sheets, a soothing hand.

Our 9 year old son, Ben, has been very sick. He's missed nearly half of his first school term. He has a relentless bone-shaking cough that lasts all day and far into the night. I've tried every remedy, old and new, from sage and thyme tea to cough suppressants. On one memorable occasion I hunted through the internet and produced a warm drink of honey, ginger and turmeric! It's been an anxious and exhausting time, listening to that awful cough and feeling so terribly helpless.

On our third doctor's visit, the doctor gave a possible diagnosis: whooping cough. I also had whooping cough as a child, even though I was immunised. So you'd think I'd recognise it, except that in Ben's case, there's no "whoop" in his cough. Apparently this is common in the days of vaccinations.

What's really struck me while Ben has been sick is how much better I could be at caring for him. I offer Ben a warm drink then forget it, distracted by the clothes that need folding. I run around ferrying kids to school and myself to Bible study, and fire off the occasional "How are you, honey?". In these days of ready-to-watch DVDs, there's little need for special games and stories (and Ben's had little energy for them). I used to keep a box of toys in the cupboard for times of illness, but my children were so rarely sick that the toys came out for everyday play.

I wonder if we're losing an entire skill set: the art of nursing the sick. My friend Jenny suggested I read the chapter on caring for the sick in Edith Shaeffer's What is a Family?. It's like a window into another time. She talks about things I have no experience with, like sponge baths, bedpans, and alcohol rubs. She's writing in an era when you could expect every child to be home for months with illnesses like measles, mumps or yes, whooping cough. Today, this kind of illness comes as a shock.

And there's the rub: it's unusual for children to be seriously ill these days. It's one of the blessings of modern medicine, but it also means I don't know what to do. I'm not great at neatly folded sheets, beautifully arranged trays of food, and comforting home treatments. I'm better at wrinkled sheets, a mug of lemon and honey, and a cuddle. I've done my best, but I've got a huge amount to learn.

So I'd love to hear your ideas. What do you remember about being ill as a child? How do you care for sick people in your family? How do you entertain sick children? How do you make illness memorable, not just for its discomfort, but for comforting care?

images are from Holtsman, freeparking and theirhistory at flickr