Ben, migraines, and thankfulness

It's been a tough year for my 12-year-old son Ben. He suffers from migraines, and missed most of term 2 of school. During term 3 he was better than he's been for years thanks to his new medication, for which we thank God! But early this term he was sick again for a month, due to a nasty virus that stirred up his headaches. I wrote this at the end of that month.

When I think of my son this year, the words that spring to mind are "patient endurance".

I love how Ben keeps persevering and trusting in God even when he's sick. I love the way he thinks hard about his attitudes and how they affect how he's feeling. I love how he works at getting well (sleep routines, relaxation exercises, new ways of thinking, headache diaries, exercise...)

I love Ben's loyal friends and his hunger for learning, that mean he keeps up at school, even though we grieve over all he misses out on. I love that he still loves hearing God's word, even though it's often difficult for him to be at church. I love the way he soldiers through the days, and how his teachers come up to me and say, "He tries so hard!".

I love Ben's loud enthusiasm when he's well, even though it can be a little trying (as he says, he has to make the most of it!). I love the way his eyes light up when he's playing complicated games with his sister. I love his "imaginations": inventing languages, designing elaborate constructions on Minecraft, writing a novel about another world.

I love the long conversations we have on the way home from (yet another) doctor's appointment. I love our precious half-hours on the couch, when he fills me in on what he's been thinking about. I love our games and our cuddles and our love for all the same books.

I love his patience and quiet persistence. I love his compassion and helpfulness. I love his love for Jesus.

I love my Ben.

P.S. Ben has recovered from his virus and has been well for several weeks now, except for a couple of one-day migraines. Thank God with us, that well is our new normal.

online meanderings

No little person - A beautiful memory of Francis Shaeffer.

My heart is heavy - The book of Job in the life of a cancer sufferer. Beautiful - and sad. Macca.

How do we pray through pain? - When our prayers for relief aren't granted? Carolyn Mahaney.

The chief of sinners - A poem about Paul by John Piper. I enjoyed this greatly.

The idolatry of regret - "My middle years have ushered in a new kind of idol -- the idol of looking back. I see all the mistakes I made and roads not taken." Staci Eastin.

Signs of an abusive relationship and what the Bible says about abuse in marriage. Mary Kassian.

From scroll to screen ... to scrolling - What we gain and lose with a new way of reading. Fascinating! Lev Grossman.

Sometimes old and simple truths affect us in new ways. In fact, this seems to be an essential feature of spiritual growth. The passage that was ho-hum last week now plumbs the depths of our souls. We are always re-discovering simple spiritual realities as the Spirit brings new light and depth to old truths. Ed Welch

To see the rest of my links, click here (Facebook) or here.

how to grapple with issues in our lives

An excellent model:

1. observe our circumstances
2. analyse and consider what we’re going through
3. reflect on Scripture
4. change our attitudes and actions
5. talk to God about it.

Macca. Read the rest here.

the joy of service (2)

In a recent post, The joy of service, I wrote about the need to serve practically when all you want to do is teach. Karen asked a great question: “Does it work the other way, Jean–when you’re good at (and often prefer) to stuff envelopes, stack chairs and wash dishes, but the thought of leading Bible study fills you with extreme terror?” 

Here’s The joy of service re-written (with apologies) for such a person. Because, yes, I have friends who lead Bible studies even though it terrifies them. And, yes, it works both ways.

I’m no up-the-front servant. My love is given to behind-the-scenes ministries: cooking a meal for a friend, stacking chairs, organising events. If I’m honest, I also love the safety of this kind of ministry. There: I’ve said it.

The word-y roles, the out-there roles, the people-can-see-me roles: they don’t come naturally to me. Sitting next to a stranger at church, reading the Bible during the service, welcoming newcomers, leading a small group, walking into a room full of people: I try to avoid these things. I have to fight down my terror as I do them. I don’t like this about myself, but it’s true.

I know this isn’t good enough. I know that to stuff envelopes and avoid people is as far from our Lord’s example as hell from heaven. And so picture, if you will, a recent morning at our church. The usual leaders aren’t there, so I sit with people I don’t know. When we split into small groups to pray after the sermon, I find myself leading the prayers.

Then there’s this moment. This crystal-clear, earth-touches-heaven, joy-filled moment. As I say a stumbling prayer for one of the members of the group, it’s as if I’m speaking Christ’s words on his behalf. If it was Paul’s privilege to suffer with him, it’s mine to serve with him.1 Looking at this group of strangers, awkward with unspoken fears, I touch the tiniest edge of what it meant for him to serve.

The One with the right to a universe of worship gave up his own interests, his right to equality with God, and made himself nothing. The King of heaven and earth got off a chair, tied a towel around his waist, and knelt to wash his follower’s feet. God’s own Son was stripped naked and hung on a cross, abandoned between earth and heaven, bleeding out his life for his bride.2

Leading a group in prayer is just a baby-step as I follow in his footsteps. But if so much joy can be found in such a simple task, I wonder what else we miss out on when we refuse to serve.


1. Romans 8:17; Colossians 1:24; John 13:14-17
2. Philippians 2:1-11; John 13:1-17; Mark 10:35-45

This post first appeared at The Briefing.

image is by HidingHeart at flickr

questions about women's ministry (3) what it looks like in practice

Simone has been asking some questions about women's ministry. Here's my answer to her third question (an extension of the last one).

If you think Titus 2:3-5 gives us a model and a curriculum for women's ministry, are you following the curriculum? 

Yes, in the women’s ministry at our church I make a deliberate effort to follow the "curriculum" (we're slowly working through the Titus 2 qualities, both 2:3 and 2:4-5) but very slowly, very flexibly and with plenty of additions, to make our teaching and training relevant to women in all kinds of situations.

I could have chosen another passage, but I started with Titus 2:3-5 because ours is a new ministry and I wanted to begin by inspiring the group with a model of older women teaching younger women.

I deliberately began with the topic of “reverence for God” (Titus 2:3) rather than marriage or motherhood, because I wanted to concentrate on the heart of godly womanhood, to avoid the legalistic emphasis on certain models of womanhood that can sometimes characterise women's ministry.

And yes, I spoke on the topic of marriage (Titus 2:4-5 - we have lots of women heading towards marriage in our group) but I made sure that I emphasised the "greater marriage" to Christ and the "greater gift" of singleness, and addressed my applications to all kinds of different life situations.

We’ve also had a session training women in evangelism; and next month, we’ll be discussing work and outreach at work, since we have lots of young women in this life situation. So you can see we cover the topics in Titus 2:3-5 in a way that's relevant to all, but lots more besides.

I should add that I don't see Titus 2:3-5 as a necessary or prescribed curriculum, just a good starting point. I could have chosen something else. For example, I love the list for widows in 1 Timothy 5:9-10, and I wish we were more familiar with this passage instead of jumping straight to Titus 2, as it seems to me to be a little broader in its application to different seasons and situations (I'll probably move there next). Or I could have picked Proverbs 31:10-31. Or I could have ignored the "women's passages" and gone with Colossians 3:1-4:6 or something else entirely.

But I do think Titus 2:3-5 is a useful set of topics to cover, especially with young women. And I do think the qualities on the list aren't just situation-specific, as they spring up all over the Bible, often (but not always) with reference to women (e.g. 1 Tim 2:11-15, 3:11, 5:9-10). More about that next time!

Please add your thoughts to the comments.

image is by Andrew Kirkley at flickr

questions about women's ministry (2) Titus 2: model or curriculum?

Simone has been asking some questions about women's ministry. Here's my answer to her second question.

Do you think Titus 2 gives us a model and a curriculum for women's ministry, or just a model, or something else or maybe neither?

Yes, Titus 2:3-5 gives us a model. As Simone says, "The model is that of older women teaching younger women." I wouldn't see this as culture-specific. And obviously the ministry of women to women isn’t limited to older to younger!

Yes, it gives us the beginnings of a curriculum (and one for older women as well as younger women – Titus 2:3 not just 2:4-5) but by no means a complete curriculum.

It's a curriculum no doubt shaped by context – not just the Cretan context, but the wider context of a culture in which marriage was more normative for women (and men) than it is in our culture. But it’s not limited to context: if you trace the Bible's teaching on womanhood, you'll find a similar emphasis on marriage and motherhood as key spheres in which most women serve God at some stage during their lives (Gen 2-3, Prov 31:10-31, 1 Tim 2:11-15, 5:9-16 etc). So yes, older women should cover these topics in their teaching of younger women – especially if these women are married and/or have children – but not to the exclusion of other life situations and seasons.

Other topics mentioned in Titus 2:3-5, like purity and how we use our speech, are relevant to all women (including older singles). And other parts of the Bible, both those addressed to women and those addressed to all Christians, expand the curriculum: 1 Tim 5:9-10 adds ministry/service outside the family; Prov 31:10-31 adds paid work and helping the poor; 1 Cor 7 addresses singleness; 1 Tim 2:11-15 talks about women’s relationships within the church; Col 4:2-6 adds evangelism; and so on and so on.

Most importantly, any and all of these topics need to be grounded in the gospel, as they are in Titus 2:11-15. We have to be careful not to limit godly womanhood to a certain season or situation in life, and we have to emphasis the gospel, not a certain set of “qualities of biblical womanhood”. The heart, foundation and motivation of any curriculum is the gospel and the character of God.

Please add your thoughts to the comments.

image is by Pingu at flickr

online meanderings

When God looks like your earthly father - If you find it hard to call God "Father", read this, and fight to take back the name. Ed Welch.

Give thanks - This is a fantastic post on thankfulness: a complete theology in a few paragraphs, and very helpful and challenging too! David Mathis.

Don't sanitize the Psalms - Do we express the range of emotions found in the Psalms? Steve Cornell.

Leading in finances - Do you give enough money away? How would you know? This is a fantastic article that challenges us right where it hurts. Phil Cogan.

Joy in hard places - "The safest thing we can do is sacrifice our safety and possessions for the sake of Christ." Marshall Segal with Zane Pratt.

Pray for those you counsel - The wonder of prayer, and how it folds us into others' lives. Eliza Jane Huie.

Don't mess with her, man - No excuse for abuse: it's good to see The Gospel Coalition writing about this. Matt Smethurst HT Sandy.

On being offended - When people make comments on your kids, parenting, pregnancy, or anything else - how do you respond? Deb.

The conversation continues over at Simone's blog. You'll find me in the comments. Add your thoughts!

For months the routine of caring for my wife was my sanity. For the months after she was gone, the habits of caring for my daughter were my sanity. Now they are both gone. And I have lessons to learn. RC Sproul Jr

We tend to use prayer as a last resort, but God wants it to be our first line of defence. We pray when nothing else we can do, but God wants us to pray before we do anything at all.  Oswald Chambers

To see the rest of my links, click here (Facebook) or here.

stop reading and start reflecting, or you'll rattle

If you're even the slightest bit into children's literature, here's a great read: E.L. Konigsburg's From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs Basil E. Frankweiler.

My friend Jenny introduced me to this book a few years ago. It won a Newberry Medal in 1968, so it's been around for a while. It's about two children who run away and live in the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York, as you do.

All that's by way of preamble. What I really want to share today is a wonderful quote from this book that my friend Andrew posted on his Facebook profile:

I think you should learn, of course, and some days you must learn a great deal. But you should also have days when you allow what is already in you to swell up inside of you until it touches everything. And you can feel it inside of you. If you never take time out to let that happen, then you accumulate facts, and they begin to rattle around inside of you. You can make noise with them, but never really feel anything with them. It's hollow.

Here's a similar statement from Challies:

There is something in my nature, I think, that wants to glance instead of linger. I get restless quickly, I look for a moment and then move on to other things. I have come to see that it is often better to linger, that certain things can only be seen and grasped by that long and dedicated study.

So true! So very true! Sometimes I have to stop reading a thousand blog posts and just slow down and...read. A book. Slowly.

Sometimes I have to stop reading and just slow down and...think. Pray. Ponder.

Or I start to rattle.

online meanderings

Religion is crap - Macca explains why.

The advantage of living in a society where people don't know their Bibles - "There is something exquisitely innocent about not realizing you shouldn’t call Jesus stupid." Virginia Stem Owens.

Lessons in darkness - A wonderful post about a boy with leukaemia and his parents' struggle with God. Naomi Millar.

Living with disability: 13 reasons for hope - A summary of Krista Horning's unforgettable testimony.

When you feel in a rut with reading the Bible, try something new! Excellent advice from Karen.

4 models of womanhood - Tim Chester comes up with a "quadrant" for women. Brave, but we did ask! I enjoyed this.

"He's just not a spiritual leader" and other Christian dating myths. I found this intriguing. Marlena Graves.

Family feuds and tensions over the holidays - Some helpful guidelines for dealing with family tensions. Tim Lane and Russell Moore with Justin Taylor.

The books you come back to,  Write in your books and Can a person be judged by their bookshelf? - Three great posts about reading by Joel Miller.

How stealthily God works in the soul, one day and one trial at a time. He softens your edges so slowly and subtly that you can fail to notice how far you have come. Colleen Carroll Campbell

I can be tempted in my thoughts but I do not have to sin. I can take my thoughts captive and put on righteousness in the secret places of my soul. And when He saved me He left nothing uncovered and unclothed with Christ’s righteousness. He saves to the uttermost—to the depths of our soul and the darkest places. Trillia Newbell

To see the rest of my links, click here (Facebook) or here.

questions about women's ministry (1) is it necessary?

Simone has been asking some questions about women's ministry, in response to this post by Jenny about our narrow definitions of "godly womanhood". I've been thinking about this a lot, as I now have shared responsibility for the women's ministry at our church. I thought I might post my answers, beginning with Simone's first question:

Is it possible for a woman to be ministered to entirely in mixed settings and to thrive in her faith? Is it okay for her not to attend the formal women's ministries that are available to her?

Yes; and yes, it's okay, or the Bible would command her to attend. (Although you'd hope it's not fear - or an ineptly run program - keeping her away!)

A formal women's ministry is not necessary (although it can be helpful!) or the Bible would command it.

An informal women's ministry - that is, women encouraging one another in their faith, and older women teaching, training and setting an example to younger women: well, Titus 2:3-5 makes it pretty clear that Paul gives the responsibility of teaching and training younger women to older women (rather than to male overseers like Titus); and in any mixed group of Christians you'd hope that mutual encouragement between women was happening naturally and organically.

So, no, it's not necessary for it to be formal; but, yes, there should be some ministry of "women to women" in any healthy church.

This will include "women's issues" (hence the lists in Titus 2:3-5) - in fact, I'd think both informal and formal women's ministry would rightly include issues particularly relevant to women - but hopefully not just "women's issues", not an "exclusive" version of them (e.g. for mums only), and certainly not an unbiblically legalistic version of them (e.g. patchwork and particular sleep routines).

In Titus 2 it's the gospel that drives all our behaviour, teaching and training, whatever group we belong to. So gospel, gospel, and more gospel: that's what I'd hope to see in women's teaching and women's encouragement.

If women's ministry doesn't major on the gospel and the Bible, but instead on some legalistic version of what womanhood looks like, or just on the mums and married amongst us, no wonder if many women feel discouraged and alienated by it.

But let’s not throw the baby out with the bathwater. Let’s have women encouraging women with the gospel and God’s word, whether formally or informally doesn’t really matter.

Please add your thoughts to the comments.


image is by jhall at flickr