in all honesty?

Dear bloggees,

I've been thinking about what honesty does and doesn't mean (Is it appropriate to blog about ... ? Do I really want to write about ... ? Do you want to read about ... again? - you get the idea!) so I thought it might be time to explain what I mean by "in all honesty".

Honesty should not be taken to include:

a) slanderous or whining remarks about other people, even if I think them;
b) insteresting gossip about other people, although I enjoy gossip as much as the next person;
c) any information which I am legally forbidden from sharing with you (this is more relevant than you may think, I'm giving evidence in a committal hearing soon, if I told you more I would have to kill you);
d) information of such tedium, insignificance and occasional grossness that you wouldn't want to hear it anyway (I'm picking my nose. I'm scratching my bottom. That kind of thing. For such information see my facebook profile.);
d) yet more, repeat more, examples of things I have told you about many times previously (e.g. Today I got cross with my children. Today I got cross with my children. Today I... Silence on such topics should not be taken to imply that our family has now reached perfection.);
f) revelations of major sins which may prove embarrassing to me or you, or break the confidence of others (sorry about that, my self-disclosure agreement only goes so far, just don't imagine I'm nearly as godly as may be suggested by the relatively minor sins I agonise about in my blog);
g) lots of things, really, I just can't think of them all right now.

Humourous comments should not be taken as an expression of honesty (in point c above, I won't really kill you, this is an example of humour, not honesty). And while I will honestly tell you what I think to be the facts, factual claims may be shown to be innacurate. Also, while I will honestly share my views on God, the universe and everything, all I say should be checked against the Bible.

I do promise to try not to lie to you. Not consciously, anyway (can you subconsciously try not to lie?) But I don't promise not to occasionally and insignificantly distort the facts, in favour of humour, succinctness, good writing, sweeping generalisations, or when making a particularly good point. Like this one.

In all honesty,

from your friendly neighbourhood spiderm...I mean blogger.

P.S. I also don't promise to be honest about my super hero double life. Except to say that my alter ego is beautiful, charming, witty, intelligent, and spends far too much time hanging around libraries.