Monday, April 8, 2013

what I'm reading: when worry comes from a need to control from King's Cross

I came across this quote while reading Tim Keller's King's Cross the other day, and found it profoundly helpful. It reminded me that my worry - including my worry about those dear to me - is so often rooted in a need to control:
At some level, your normal assumptions, your pride and your egotistical way of thinking, are blinding you to the truth.
One prime example of this is worry. Naturally, if you love people, you're going to worry about them.
But do you know where constant worry comes from? It's rooted in an arrogance that assumes, I know the way my life has to go, and God's not getting it right.
Real humility means to relax.
One of the hardest things for me is trusting God about things that I have absolutely no control over. Usually, when I worry, the first thing I do is try to fix things. But there are some things you just can't fix.

My son's ongoing illness is one thing I can't fix. God has ripped the reins out of my hands. Yes, I can take my son to (lots and lots of) doctors; I can structure his days and care for his needs; I can talk to his teachers about how to care for him - but nothing I do can make him better.

Sometimes it feels like God has been whispering - no, shouting! (I'm a little hard of hearing) - in my ears, over and over, for years now, as I've loved and raised my children: "You aren't the one in control - I AM!"

I don't find this easy to hear. I'm stubborn. I like to be in control. I worry, I struggle, I fight. But then I give up and give my son up to God. I don't do this by choice. God has left me with no other choice.

I guess God, in his severe mercy, sometimes lets these things into our lives to remind us that, ultimately, we really have very little control at all. All we can do is give up our striving and pray and trust him. And that is HARD.

But if God is all that we believe he is - if he is all that we can see he is in Jesus - if he is love, and power, and compassion, and wisdom, and sovereignty, and grace - then we can give up our striving, our worry, and rest in him, knowing that he wants what is best, both for us and for those we love.

Quote is from Tim Keller King's Cross 147.


Overwhelmed Mommy said...

I just found your blog. It's late at night and I have already been sitting here worrying over my daughter for an hour. Worried that another seizure will happen. Trying to be prepared but yet causing more anxiety to set in myself than anything. She is peacefully sleeping. A child talking and moving in their sleep is normal. Reading this post and a few of the others has provided me with the peace of knowing "I'm not crazy". That there is hope. I do truly believe in my heart that God is in control, it's just sometimes my head starts trotting down another path. Thank you for writing these posts!

Jean said...

So glad it was helpful. I know how much a child's illness can lead to worry. I pray God helps you to trust in him and have peace of heart.