balancing homemaking and ministry (5) my plans for 2009

There'll be a few changes next year! This year, I was so eager to take on new ministry opportunities as I left the baby years behind, that I over-committed myself.

This blog was a surprising new ministry. Add to that new writing opportunities, an unexpected chance to lead a young mum's Bible study, Sunday School classes, an unhealthy perfectionism which means I spend too long on things and find it hard to disappoint people, and some terms double- and triple-booked with seminars and writing tasks, and you can imagine it's been a little crazy!

Family and home are still my main priority, but some months I've given my kids less attention than I would have liked, I haven't supported good friends well, and the house has started to look neglected. I'm also a little tired and burnt-out. These are precious, brief years with my children, and I don't want to waste them!

I've made my plans for 2009 with greater prayer and care. For the first time (I say this with great embarrassment!) I've sought my husband's detailed input into my plans (yes, I do seek his advice regularly, but to my shame, I've never sat down with him and gone over the next year's plans in detail). I didn't commit to anything until he agreed with my priorities and said, "I think that sounds manageable". He's far more sensible than me about what I can and can't cope with!

Here's how the decision-making looked for me:

Heart-work
God has been convicting me about how I often seek praise from people rather than from him: a poor motivation for ministry! I've brought my heart to God, repented of pride, ambition and people-pleasing, and asked him to make me more like Christ.

I'm naturally a workaholic, which is sinful pride. I need to learn to say "no", to be disciplined about when to stop reading or writing (right now, in fact, as I edit this post!), and to take time off each week. I'm thinking of having a weekly computer-free day to devote myself without distraction to my family.

Time for home and ministry
Here's how I've planned my time:

Daily (pretty much in order of priorities)

• time with God in the early morning - I'm an early bird, but it takes discipline to devote that first, quiet hour to God when so much else is begging to be done!
• a couple of hours with Steve every evening - Our marriage needs to stay healthy, for it's the primary relationship (after God) in our lives and family.
• time for each of my 4 children - We eat, chat, learn and read the Bible together; I'm there when they get home from school; and they all know Mum is available for some one-on-one time each day - reading, chatting, doing jigsaws, cuddling!
• home tasks - Washing clothes, cooking, getting kids ready for school, driving the family taxi, etc.
• a nap in the early afternoon - These days, I need this to give me energy for my family during the afternoon and evening.
• a quiet hour in the early afternoon for blogging (This is where I'm at right now.)

Weekly (pretty much in order of the days)

• Monday, Wednesday - home duties. I've found I need 2 mornings to manage our home. Monday is for cleaning (a clean house is oddly important to my mental state - for my friend, it's cooking!) and Tuesday is for odd jobs (shopping, errands, budgetting, paperwork).
• Tuesday - a flexible morning for people. I pray with friends, have a coffee with neighbours or school mums, take Andrew to the park, or deal with unexpected responsibilities.
• Thursday, Friday - intensive ministry. Once I've cared for my home and caught up with friends, I have 2 mornings left for intensive ministries like writing or leading a Bible study.
• Saturdays and Sundays - family and church. Weekends are for outings, jobs around the house, teaching piano to the kids, cooking lunchbox fillers and meals to freeze, and church (and some time off!).

Monthly
One Friday a month, I put ministry aside and spend a quiet morning resting, reflecting and praying. This helps me stay on course spiritually, mentally and physically.

Ministry opportunities
Here's how I've planned my ministry:

Priority 1: help my husband in his ministry

• prayer - Most days, I pray for my husband's godliness, love and wisdom in his leadership of our marriage, family and ministry.
• hospitality - I get our home ready to welcome visitors for meetings and social events.
• using my skills - I edit our uni Christian group's newsletter 3 or 4 times a year - a job I don't enjoy but try to do cheerfully to help my husband! ;)
• ask! - I recently decided to ask Steve more often about how I can help him in his ministry (writing Christmas cards for our supporters came up - if you're one of them, tell me how I do!).

Priority 2: serve people in my church and reach out to my community

• friends and neighbours - I keep 1 morning a week free for people. I pray with friends, spend time socially with neighbours and school mums, and visit or mentor people.
• Sunday School - This is needed at our church, and it's also a way to teach my own children.
• young mums at our church - It's important to care first for the women God has placed in my circle, so I lead a Bible study on 1 of my 2 intensive ministry mornings.

Priority 3: the wider church and world.
I have most Fridays left for intensive ministry, although this is sometimes taken up with preparation for Bible study or Sunday School.

This is where I need to be very, very careful. I'm a dreamer, so I'm always making big plans. If I had my way (and if people would let me!) I'd be organising women's conferences, editing on-line magazines, and teaching lots of women's seminars. Wiser Christians have encouraged me to concentrate on writing.

I've agreed to one (I've learned through bitter experience to limit it to one!) extra writing /teaching project each term (Sunday School, seminar, article, EQUIP books). I'm learning to combine different responsibilities: to blog about what I'm preparing for Sunday School, or to teach the book I'm doing for EQUIP books in my Bible study.

So in this blog next year, you might find series on handling our thought-life (seminar), Hebrews (Sunday School), spiritual disciplines (last year's seminar) and mentoring women (article)! As God wills.

Well, I hope you've found these ramblings helpful. I know I'm exhausted, and I'll be glad to leave this topic for a while! As Sarah said, its' time to stop talking and start doing! You might want to tell us about your own ministry plans for next year in the comments today.

To MP3 or not to MP3?

Don Carson. John Piper. Mark Driscoll. Tim Keller. Mark Dever. Josh Harris. CJ Mahaney. Rip. Sync. Play.

Remember when you had to read Desiring God to know what John Piper thought? Remember when you had to buy JI Packer's sermon collections on CD? Remember when you had to travel to a conference to hear John Stott speak?

How things have changed! Now every mega church has its main webpage, every famous preacher has his downloadable sermons, and every well-known Christian leader keeps a blog.

These days, if you see a slightly daggy middle-aged man walking along, ear buds in place, with a frown of concentration on his face instead of a swing in his step, he may be listening to a sermon on his portable MP3 player. And that harassed Christian mother in the playground might be keeping an eye on her children to the background sound of talks from the latest American female speaker.

Last year, my husband gave me an MP3 player for my birthday, and suddenly my mental life became filled with new voices. I've listened to John Piper expound the Psalms, Don Carson preach on spiritual warfare, and Carolyn Mahaney teach women from Titus 2.

The unique dangers of this wonderful new world of accessible sermons didn't occur to me until the day I listened to a talk on Psalms 42-43 by the minister from our previous church, Neil Chambers. ...

Read the rest at Sola Panel

balancing homemaking and ministry (4) making a decision

What I'd like to do today is to give some practical suggestions about deciding how much ministry to do outside the home: nothing earth-shattering, just some ideas. I'll admit that many of these are taken from Lucy's helpful description of how she went about making her own decisions: thanks, Lucy!


1. Pray and do heart-work.
Here's some excellent questions to ask of every ministry opportunity, from Carolyn Mahaney's Feminine Appeal (p.105):

• What are my reasons for considering this opportunity? Are they selfish or God-honouring?
• Will pursuing this venture glorify God and honour the gospel?

In all our decisions, our heart's desire should be to love, serve and bring glory to Christ.

It's good to pray for wisdom, and for God to guide us through the clear directions of his Word, godly discernment, and the wise advice of other Christians (if you want to read more about how God guides, there's a wonderful chapter in JI Packer's Laid-Back Religion). Are we willing to obey God whatever he wants from us, or at least ask him to make us willing?

Our motives will never be pure, and we can't wait until they are to do ministry. But it's also important to know we're not pursuing ministry "out of selfish ambition and vain conceit" (Phil. 2:2): because we don't get much praise or recognition for working at home, or because we love the excitement and respect which comes from ministry. This is an area God has convicted me about recently.

2. Work out how much time you need to spend at home.
Easier said than done, I know! I loved Lucy's list, because it's so human: "Aim to have time to read stories, play games, talk, sing, tickle, chase and generally enjoy my kids every day." Like her, I aim to have relaxed time with God, my husband and each of my children every day, on top of home duties.

We all have different responsibilities: some are pregnant or looking after a young baby, or care every day for an autistic child, or are single mums who need to work. We might need to be home 1, 2, 3, 4 or even 5 week days out of 5, to keep on top of managing our homes and caring for our family. I find I need to devote 2-3 mornings a week to home tasks.

3. Allow flexibility and rest.
Yes, we are to work hard, to labour with love, and to use all our energy as we serve our families and advance the gospel (Prov 31:17; 1 Cor. 15:58; 1 Thess 1:3; Col 1:29-29). But God also made us to need rest: rest with him, rest with our families, rest alone; holidays, days off, quiet evenings.

It's sinful pride to think God can't run the world without us while we take the rest he's made us to need. If we ignore danger signals like sickness, exhaustion or depression, a nervous or health breakdown may bring us to a quick stop. Better to be wise, to learn to say "no", and to make time for the regular rest which is an act of trust in God (see CJ Mahaney on sleep).

It's important not to book up every moment - you never know when a child will get sick, or your husband will need help, or someone will drop in. We need room to breathe! I set aside 1 morning a week to pray with good friends, go out for coffee with a neighbour, drop in on someone, or fulfil the extra responsibilities that pop up.

If next year is one of transition for you and your husband (moving home, new job, kids leaving home) try to keep it particularly quiet and flexible, until you've seen what the next stage of life will look like for you. I've been encouraged not to take on any extra responsibilities the year all my kids go to school, and I wish I'd allowed a quieter year in 2008 as I adjusted to the post-baby years.

We also need to be prepared to drop our plans for emergencies (a health scare, a father with cancer), unexpected demands (interstate visitors seeking a place to stay, a friend needing extra support) and family celebrations (an engagement, a pregnancy). Often, the burdens and joys of these fall on us, as wives and mothers. A friend of mine with grown children has learned to work in ministry one less day a week to allow for regular and unexpected family responsibilities.

4. See how much time you have left.
Can I stress again that this will be different for each of us? We all have different situations, personalities, health levels, needs for sleep and rest, husbands, children, gifts and preferences. Some of us live away from family, others have mums who look after our children regularly. Some are introverts who need time alone, other extroverts who are energised by time with people. Some have husbands who want to talk things through with us each evening, others have husbands who encourage us to minister independently. It's so important not to compare ourselves with other women!


5. List the possible ministries you could be involved in.
Here's some questions I ask myself, in order of importance:

• How can I help my husband better in his life and ministry?
• How can I serve more faithfully in my church?
• What do the women and children in my church need? Can I help meet these needs, or look after another woman's children while she meets them?
• How can I help our family reach out to the people in our community - neighbours, kinder and school mums, school children, work colleagues?
• What needs do I see in God's wider church and world which I can help with?
• What ministries are other Christians encouraging me to do?
• What ministries am I gifted in, or do I have a burden for (notice this comes way down the list, after considering need!)?

6. Figure out which ministries are suited to your family and situation.
I do less hospitality of the "having people over for dinner" variety than I would like, because my husband is an introvert who spends all day with people during his ministry job, so needs home to be a quiet place of rest. I stopped taking my children to play-group to reach out to mums, because they were clingy and miserable. On the other hand, my young boys aren't always impressed when I write for an hour each day, which is a cost I've carefully considered, and which may even benefit them as they learn to be independent. Lucy has her own list here.

7. Talk to your husband, and to friends and advisers.
Of course, this will be happening every step of the way, but if we haven't done it already, now is the time to lay our plans before our husbands, seek their advice, and follow their leadership. We need to do this prayerfully, willingly and cheerfully, ready to change our plans if necessary, remembering that God is in control of our marriages and our lives!

God has also placed us in a wider Christian family. We should never make important decisions without seeking the advice and input of honest friends who know us well, or godly Christians who can advise us wisely from God's word. Impressions or burdens about the ministries we feel God has placed on our heart need particular testing - we may be misguided! Others will often see things more clearly than us.

8. Trust God.
We make plans, but we're not in control of our lives. "In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps" (Prov 16:9). We have no idea what God has in store for us next year. It may be that he presents us with challenges we're not expecting, and that much of our ministry has to be laid aside. "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that" (Jam 4:15). We are in his hands, which is the best place to be.

I'm thinking about sharing my own decisions about ministry for 2009 in my next post - not sure if I'll bore you or not! - and then that's (more than) enough from me!

images are from stock.xchng

Sunday School - Proverbs (8) hard work

"Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise!" (Prov 6:6)

Proverbs has a lot to say about hard work. But for me, this Sunday School lesson was a day of rest.

A group of students from my husband's uni group were running their annual mission at our church, and one of their responsibilities was to lead Sunday School. So I sat and did jigsaws with my 2 year old in creche, and watched as Shell and 2 other students taught the class with great energy and enthusiasm. Here they are leading our little group:


They started with a drama, with Shell the mum giving her 2 boys their jobs for the day, then Shell the teacher handing out homework tasks. Of course, one of the boys did their jobs well, and the other was lazy and negligent, and they suffered the necessary consequences (I didn't quite overhear these).

Then it was on to the lesson, and Shell came up with a brilliant variation on the charts we've been making each week. She drew an ant hill on a large sheet of white paper (being an artist helps!) and they played a game she invented called "up the hill". The kids were given a pile of Proverbs verses about work and gluttony (we attempted 2 interrelated topics this week) and a number of small pictures of ants.

Up one side of the hill went the verses about hard work with an up-going ant (6:6-8, 27:18). Down the other side of the hill went the verses about slothfulness with a down-going ant (20:4; 22:13; 24:30-34). On the middle of the hill were pasted those many 2-way verses in Proverbs, contrasting the results of hard work and laziness, with an up- and down-going ant (10:4-5; 14:23; 23:19-21). Here's Ben and Lizzy with the poster they made:


For the craft, Shell printed out a picture of an ant in the middle of an A4 sheet of paper. She asked the kids to write or draw tasks they wanted to work hard at around the ant. Here's a finished drawing (it looks like Shell might have drawn this one!):

I was very amused to see that Ben came up with 3 tasks of vital importance: finish a catapult he's making with friends for a school project, get something called a "skin" on some computer game he's playing, and become a Pokemon master on his Pokemon Diamond game. I'm not sure that's exactly what Shell meant, but it's a very endearing indication of his ongoing preoccupations!

the little people inside (2)

If you thought Telebubbies was odd, you haven't seen In the Night Garden, in which a cast of weird and wonderful characters trundles around in psychedelic carriages through a gardeny forest setting, singing odd little songs like "Iggle piggle", "Upsy daisy", and "Makk pakka Akka wakka Mikka makka moo!".

Unn, Ooo and Eee, the Tombliboos, are little monosyllabic creatures who live amongst the labyrinthine twigs of a big, round bush, and I must admit, I've seldom seen a house I'd like to live in more. Apparently, though, they don't just live there, they also live inside our television.

Thomas (5) - Mum, if we made a hole in our television, they would be inside, wouldn't they?
Mummy (40) - Well, not exactly. If there was a lion or a person on the television, would they be inside it?
Thomas - Noooo, Mum! (said in "how could you be so silly?" tones)
Mummy - But the Tombliboos live inside our television, do they?
Thomas - Yes!

I can see I've still got some explaining to do.

balancing homemaking and ministry (3) questions, questions, questions

I'm starting to feel like I've bitten off more than I can chew with the question of balancing ministry inside and outside the home. With so many wonderful comments from thoughtful and godly women, who have brought up issues I didn't even think of, I'm left with as many questions as answers!

Here are some of the questions you have raised, and some (very) tentative answers from me, which you should feel absolutely free to question!

Is our "first priority" as wives and mums to "meet the needs" of our homes and family? (see here and comments here)
Yes and no. Our "first priority" is always to glorify God and advance the gospel. But if we're wives and mothers, the primary sphere in which we carry out this wider kingdom responsibility is our homes. God calls us to help our husbands, to manage our homes, and to love and train our children, as well as to good deeds, often from the basis of our home (1 Tim 5:9-15; Tit 2:3-5; Prov 31:10-31).

As we work in and from our homes, we're advancing God's kingdom immeasurably, for we're helping Christian husbands in (paid or unpaid) ministry, reaching out to non-Christian husbands, training our children to live as Christians and share the gospel, using our homes and families as a base for ministry, and commending the gospel by our lives. Our families are part of a bigger family, our homes part of a wider world.

Is it helpful to say "until" a woman has cared for the needs of her home, she has no right to tend to outside needs? (see comments here)
Yes and no. It is possible to fail in our responsibilities as a wife and mother for the sake of outside ministry. The grandmother of one of my good friends was out every afternoon and evening leading ministries at her church, and was rarely there for her children: none of them became Christians. This is a temptation for those of us who are activists - like me! - who love to write, teach, and lead groups. If your husband is not cared for, your house is always a mess, and your children are neglected, you may need to do less outside ministry so you can serve Christ at home (cf. 1 Tim 5:8).

But this should never be an excuse for home idolatry. Many of us have the opposite temptation: we delight in the security of home-life, we're frightened of ministry, or we're obsessed with a clean and well-ordered house. If any of these are our temptations, the "until" message is not the one we need to hear! We need to be reminded, as Nicole says here, that we live in the last days, and time is short: "The life we are called to is not a peacetime lifestyle. The gospel is meant to be taken out to the world, as well as passed on to our children."

Should outside ministry ever be done to the cost of home and family?
Here I insert a resounding "Yes!" My friend and her husband have just returned to an insecure and unsafe country as missionaries, even though their young son was very ill last time they were there, because they are driven by the need of the world for the gospel.

Another friend, also a faithful and attentive mother, leads a Bible study for young mums every Friday morning, even though her 5 year old doesn't enjoy going to creche, because it's an important ministry which would fail without her.

My friend with two grown sons worked as a cleaner so her young boys could be with her, even though she was trained for a higher paid career, to give them continuity of care while her husband was away for weeks at a time in pioneering university ministry. These are all good examples of managing the cost of ministry.


Is this really a "cost"?
Yes and no. Does it hurt our children if they have less toys and clothes, or a second-class education, because their Daddy is in a low-paid ministry job? What if their Daddy loses his life because he has faithfully preached the gospel in a country where Christians are tortured and killed for their faith? In temporal terms, our children may lose much, perhaps an immense amount, but eternally, we pray that they will be encouraged to put Christ first and live for him.

It's good for our children to share in costly hospitality, to help us reach out to our neighbours, or to occasionally have less of Mum's attention because she's preparing a Sunday School lesson. God calls us to love Jesus more than our children, but in doing so, we are actually loving our children. Not if we neglect them (for God never calls us to do this) but if they share the cost of kingdom service with us.

Should all our ministries "bless" our families?
Yes and no (again!). As wives, mums and homemakers, we rightly emphasise ministries we do with and for our families. But some ministries may not directly "bless" our families (except in the sense of showing our children how to serve Christ) but may still fit into our lives during certain seasons. It concerns me that we are sometimes encouraged to ask whether a certain ministry "helps" our husband or "enhances and enriches" our family (e.g. in the mostly helpful list in Carolyn Mahaney's Feminine Appeal p.105). Some ministries will directly bless our families, others won't, but this doesn't mean they are always inappropriate.

What kinds of ministries are suitable for wives, mums and homemakers?
It's become clear from our discussion that there are 3 main kinds of ministries we may do.

• Ministries which help our husband. For a minister's wife, this might mean lots of hospitality and jobs around the church; for a missionary, inviting women from another culture into her home; for a couple in secular work, reaching out together to church and community.
• Ministries we do in our homes or with our families (missional motherhood). I think we've all agreed these lead naturally out of our responsibilities as wives, homemakers and mothers, but we may still need to limit how much we do them (e.g. if it means preserving some time to be alone with our husbands or children).
• Ministries done away from our homes (e.g. teaching women) or families (e.g.blogging!). It's ok for these to be done at some cost to our families, for the sake of the gospel and the wider church, as long as our husbands are willing and supportive, but we may need to do less so we don't neglect our families.

I pray that God will give each of us wisdom as we love and serve our families, and reach out to others.

I'm painfully aware that I've only skimmed the surface of all your (and my!) questions and discussions! I'd love to talk more about these issues, but if I did, I'd be neglecting my own family, so I think I'd better wait for another day - which will be a relief given the length of this post! My new computer's not talking to the internet yet, so you may have to wait a few days; but I'd like to discuss how to figure out the balance in practice (clue: I'll be drawing on Lucy's post).

balancing homemaking and ministry (2) some opening thoughts

Nowhere in the Bible will you find a verse saying, "Women should do exactly this much inside the home. Women should do exactly this much outside the home." And isn't that a relief? God doesn't give us a set of rules to obey in this area. This is an issue of wisdom, godly discernment, and freedom.

So the mix will look different for each of us. Our personalities, our husband's preferences, our particular situation, the needs of our children, the context we live in, the needs which surround us: all have an impact on how much, and what, ministry we do outside our home, or from our home.

Our health and energy levels, whether we're introverts or extroverts, our gifts and season of life: nothing exempts us from the responsibility to love those inside and outside our homes, but we shouldn't compare ourselves to other women and feel guilty, judgemental or envious because they are able to do more or less ministry than us.

Let's not forget what a privilege it is even to be asking these questions. How many women in the world are prosperous and unburdened enough to be considering the balance between work, ministry and homemaking? Very few women throughout history have had our smorgasbord of choices.

Women in countries torn by war, famine, or persecution, or those of us who are single mothers, caring for a disabled child, or struggling with a chronic illness, will have far less discretionary time and energy than many of us. Which doesn't mean these aren't good questions to ask: but let's remember what a privilege it is to be asking them.

Let's also remember that even our best-laid plans don't guarantee a perfectly balanced life. We don't know what joys or griefs God has in store for us. My friend was reminded of the temporary nature of our plans when she had a breast cancer scare, her father-in-law died, her son was seriously ill, and both her sons became engaged, within 12 months or so.

I make plans, but I make them knowing they depend on God's providence: next year may look completely different than I imagine (Jam. 4:13-17).

I'm assuming we're all godly women, who want to care for our families and homes, and who also have a heart for people outside our home, so that we long to help other women to grow, serve in our churches, share the gospel with our friends, and reach out to the needy. These are the last days, when there's an urgent need for people to know and grow in Christ.

It's right to want to serve our husbands and children faithfully, and to reach out to the world around us. No wonder we sometimes feel torn between the two! These are godly burdens and godly questions to have.

Tomorrow, I'd like to look more specifically at exactly how you and I might go about making decisions about balancing ministry inside and outside the home.

images are from stock.xchng

balancing homemaking and ministry (1) my journey

Scene 1: child 1

I was a university staffworker, 29 years old, when I became pregnant for the first time. I'd recently finished my history PhD. I'd been married to Steve since I was 21. It took 2 years to get pregnant: and I can't remember ever getting better news! Even better when I saw our beautiful daughter for the first time.

I'd always assumed I'd stay home full-time and care for our children. From full-time study, to full-time university ministry, to full-time homemaking. One child and very little sleep, but I still made it to the main meetings of our uni Christian group. Elizabeth (bless her!) sat quietly while I listened to the Bible talk, or at a table in the caff, munching happily on the snacks I'd brought while I chatted with students or mentored Rachel.


Scene 2: child 2

Six weeks after having my second child, I got the flu, which led to post-viral post-natal post-something depression, and my world feel apart. It wasn't severe, but I cried for an hour or 2 every day for a few months, and it was 2 years before I was physically and emotionally strong again.

As for being involved in ministry, Ben (bless him!) turned out to be a chatterbox, and my days of hanging out at uni meetings were over. I still mentored one girl each year. I was happy caring for our home and family, but feelings of resentment and regret at the ministry I'd given up came and went.

Until the life-changing day I picked up Elizabeth George's A Woman after God's own Heart. It desribed marriage, homemaking and motherhood as a high and noble calling, requiring love, energy, organisation, prayer, self-sacrifice, commitment and contentment. Homemaking was transformed from something I did because that's what I did, to something I could whole-heartedly throw myself into with all my energy. As usual, I threw myself in with such enthusiasm that I burnt out for a while, and didn't read another homemaking book for many years!


Scene 3: child 3

It was our third baby who broke the proverbial back of ministry outside the home. Up to that point I'd managed to mentor one girl each year, but I had no extra time with a 5 year old, a 3 year old, and baby Thomas to care for. None of my children took kindly to playgroup, so my contact with non-Christian mums was limited to school and kinder, and my only ministries were hospitality, leading Sunday School and encouraging mums at church.

I remember the years with baby Thomas, then baby Andrew, as years of contentment as I stayed home and cared for our family. I didn't often resent not having much time for ministry outside the home. Homemaking was something I did with single-minded purpose and enthusiasm: I had learnt, finally, that this is a way we can serve God with all our hearts, caring for the people he has given us to care for.


Scene 4: child 4

An odd psychological shift happened when Andrew turned 2 last year. This would normally be the time I'd be gearing up for another exhausting pregnancy, 9 months of morning sickness, breathlessness and sleeplessness, and months of intense baby care. But there were no more children on the horizon.

Which is where you come in. Dreaming of all the ministry I could do with only 4 children to care for (ha!) the word "blog" flashed into my mind. From blogging to writing, from writing to seminars, from seminars to leading a Bible study, and I'd have to admit (as usual) that I've thrown myself into things a little too enthusiastically. This year, I've learned what it feels like when you get the balance wrong, and your family pays the price for too much ministry outside the home.

So what have I learnt? That helping my husband, loving our children, and caring for our home, is an honourable and joyous profession. That it doesn't matter what training or ministry experience I have, it may be necessary to set these aside for a time, to throw myself into the precious, brief years of young babies and children. That the balance between homemaking and ministry shifts depending on number of children, their age, my health, and our situation. That I need to be very careful how much outside ministry I take on, accept my husband's guidance, and listen to the wise advice of others, so that I have enough energy and time for my home and family.

That's my story so far. Believe me, I'll be planning next year's ministry with greater care and wisdom, but I'll tell you about that in a few day's time, God willing.

balancing homemaking and ministry: your comments

From no comments (at first) to an embarrassment of riches! Thanks to all of you who have generously shared your thoughts on balancing ministry in and out of the home. Check out Bec and Valeri's initial responses to the question which started it all; the ongoing discussion between Valori, Nic, Liz and me which started in the comments here and ended up here; and Lucy's reflections in balancing act (feel free to read her excellent post and ignore mine!). Thanks, girls, and keep pondering and sharing your thoughts and stories. I'm still thinking hard about this issue, but the current state of my thinking begins today, with a potted history of my own experience in 4 scenes ...

Sunday School - Proverbs (7) words

Words. Sometimes they leave your mouth, and you'd love to grab them and stuff them back in again, but it's too late. You clap your hands over your mouth, but they're gone, vibrating through the air and into the ear, carrying their invisible sting of thoughtlessness, folly, hurt, deceit, or gossip. They reverberate through the days, their effect spreading, waves in ruffled waters.

If only you'd stopped to think, or listen, before you spoke.

Words. Jewels without price, fruit dripping with sweetness, a precious remedy, you offer them as gifts to another. They add them to the treasure-chest of the mind, holding them close, storing them up, passing them on. Words heal wounds, comfort hurts, mend conflicts, cure weariness, bring joy, and grow wisdom.

A wise man once said these words about words: "The tongue has the power of life and death" (Proverbs 18:21a).

The bad mouth is boastful, foolish and hurtful, makes hasty vows which can't be kept, answers before listening, makes fun of others, flatters, lies, tells secrets, speaks without thinking, talks a lot, and is quick to argue and fight (10:19; 12:18, 22; 15:2, 18; 17:14; 18:13; 19:29; 20:19; 25; 27:2; 29:5, 20).

The good mouth speaks the right words at the right time, soothes anxiety with kindness, avoids anger and argument, is pleasant, patient and gentle, keeps secrets, refuses slander, gives knowledge, and is careful, truthful, and wise (11:13; 12:19, 25; 14:29; 15:1, 7, 23; 16:24; 20:3, 15; 21:23; 25:11; 26:20).

Has anyone got any ideas for a helpful way to demonstrate the power of words to children? Here's some quick ideas I wish I'd thought of on the day:

• words on slips of paper inside 2 balloons - bad words in one ("gossip", "nasty", "mocking") and good words in another ("kind", "gentle", "wise") - then pop the balloons and watch them spread
• one of those (safe!) science experiments where something explodes, demonstrating the power of words
• kind words on slips of paper inside an envelope for each child
• something sweet and bitter in a dish for the children to taste (Prov. 16:24)
• drop a stone into a tray of water and watch the ripples spread, showing the effect of words
• a short drama

Making a chart with the kids has proved to be a wonderful way to teach an unruly book like Proverbs. I found an image of a mouth with MOUTH POWER across the middle - very appropriate, although I'm not sure the artist had Proverbs in mind! - enlarged it to A3 size, traced it, and printed it out twice.

Across the middle, we pasted some words from Proverbs: "Your tongue has the power of life" and "Your tongue has the power of ... death" (18:21). The kids chose which to work on (as usual, the boys chose the "bad" mouth and the girls the "good" one - what's going on there?!). They coloured the mouth, and around the edges stuck verses from Proverbs in speech balloons, wrote an appropriate word on each ("gossip", "flatter", "kind") and decorated each verse with an appropriate picture.

And on the principle of "less is more" (10:19), that's enough from this mouth - or pen - or keyboard - today.