Biblical womanhood (1a) teaching younger women - the need

I was a kid bride, married at the age of 19. I was pregnant 3 months after the wedding; I had my first baby at age 20, and a year later I had my second baby. To say the least, I felt overwhelmed by the task. There were so many times I longed to have an older, more experienced godly woman in my life that I could just call for counsel and advice. My Mum was an excellent role model, but she lived 1000 miles away, so it was not very practical to contact her on a daily basis. I was the first among my circle of friends to have a baby. I really had no-one I could call and ask for help. I felt very alone in this daunting task of being a wife and a mother.

I had to learn from doing it all wrong the first time around, and sometimes it can't be avoided. However, the better way is to glean from the wisdom and experience of those who have gone before us. The better way is to benefit from the training and instruction of older women with godly character. (from Carolyn Mahaney's talk A Fresh Look at Titus 2)

There is a thirst in the hearts of many young women. I should know.

I remember so well how it felt to be a single 18-year-old with no idea of how to grow into godly womanhood, a married woman in my 20’s wondering how to love my husband, and a 30 year old bewildered about how to care for our new baby. How I longed for an older woman who would take me under her wing and show me how to live as a Christian woman!

Oh, I knew the facts. I had read books on Biblical womanhood, agonised over the theology and practice of submission, trawled through books on marriage and motherhood.

But I had no idea about how to serve Jesus through a lifetime, how to love my husband during times when marriage got tough, how to manage our home effectively, how to settle a baby, discipline a toddler, or teach a child about God. And it felt like there was no-one I could ask.

I looked around for older, wiser women, but my husband and I were in university ministry, and there weren't many around. The few faithful, godly older women I knew, who took time to encourage us younger ones, I regarded with admiration tinged with awe. I asked a couple to meet with me, but they weren’t able to. So my friends and I were left to stumble through on our own, with the help of some wise books and the occasional seminar for women.

I’m older now. Perhaps I fit the category of “older woman” myself. But the thirst has never really gone away.

Is this a thirst you have felt? How do you feel about "older women"? Have you ever asked an "older woman" to mentor you? Is there someone you could ask?

image is Diego Rivera's "Two women and a child"

biblical womanhood

Today we begin our new series: biblical womanhood.

There are few topics more neglected in modern Western society. We talk a lot about the rights and needs of women, but little about God's plan for women. It's a bit of an embarrassing topic: what modern woman wants to be caught thinking about caring for her home, or loving her husband, let alone submitting to him?

In Titus 2:3-5, Paul gives women our challenge and our call:

Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

Taking our lead from Paul, each week I'd like to attempt two things:
1. A post on one of the characteristics of Biblical womanhood;
2. A post on how to teach and train younger women in Biblical womanhood.

We'll be loosely following the chapters in Carolyn Mahaney's Feminine Appeal, which follows the characteristics older women are to teach younger ones in Titus 2:3-5. Why don't you read along with me, or listen to the talks the book is based on, To Teach What is Good. Since I think Biblical womanhood is bigger than Titus 2:3-5, I'll mix this up with a few other topics, which I've listed here.

This week, we'll begin with the first of Carolyn Mahaney's chapters, "Transformed by Titus 2". We'll be talking about the need, and the call, for older women to teach and train younger women. Let's kick it off with my first post, the need ...

image is Jean-Honor Dragonard's "Young Woman Reading"

give a kid a camera

Give a kid a camera ...









...and this is what you get.

song for the sorrowing

While we're on the topic of songs for the discouraged, here's a wonderful song for the sorrowing.

I was listening to Furthermore by Jars of Clay yesterday, when "The Valley Song" came on. It struck me that this song is Psalm 42-43 in modern dress: it seems that some still know how to lament, cry out to God, and fight for joy. And it's one of the most beautiful Jars of Clay songs of all time. I only hope I can sing like this in the day of sorrow.

The Valley Song (Sing of Your Mercy)

You have led me to the sadness,
I have carried this pain
on a back bruised, nearly broken:
I'm crying out to You.

I will sing of Your mercy
that leads me through
valleys of sorrow
to rivers of joy.

When death, like a gypsy,
comes to steal what I love,
I will still look to the heavens,
I will still seek your face:
but I fear You aren't listening
because there are no words,
just the stillness,
and the hunger
for a faith that assures.

I will sing of Your mercy
that leads me through
valleys of sorrow
to rivers of joy.

alleluia, alleluia
alleluia, alleluia

While we wait for rescue
with our eyes tightly shut,
face to the ground, using our hands
to cover the fatal cut;
though the pain is an ocean
tossing us around, around, around;
You have calmed greater waters
higher mountains have come down.

I will sing of Your mercy
that leads me through
valleys of sorrow
to rivers of joy.

I will sing of Your mercy
that leads me through
valleys of sorrow
to rivers of joy.

alleluia, alleluia
alleluia, alleluia

are you afraid of the Spirit?

"Mark Driscoll said:

Many of you are afraid of the Holy Spirit.

You betcha, Mark. Aren't you? The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. I fear the Lord's Spirit like I fear the strength of a storm. May it always be so. Amen."

Amen.

from on Driscoll's 18 points

Sunday School - Proverbs (2) wisdom

Proverbs is a wonderful book to read with children. It hands on the wisdom of the older to the younger generation.

Proverbs includes a father's advice to his son (chs. 1-29) and a mother's wise words handed down through two generations (ch. 31). It encourages children to fear God, heed correction, accept discipline, choose friends wisely, use words carefully, enjoy pleasure, money and food with moderation, and live wisely throughout their lives.

Yet when I searched the internet, I found no Sunday School material on Proverbs (if you know of some, please tell me!). So my friend Liz and I are writing our own. Since you'll probably have the same problem if you want to teach Proverbs to children, I thought you might be interested to hear about our lessons. No doubt someone will end at this blog after doing the same search I did! If that's the case, welcome. We got our lessons a bit mixed up: you'll find lesson 1 here, and all the lessons here.

Liz taught the children this memory verse: "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight" (Proverbs 3:4-6). A great choice, because it shows wisdom comes not from our own cleverness, but from God, through humbly trusting and obeying him.

Here's the brilliant craft Liz and the children made during their first weeks on Proverbs. They read Proverbs 3:13-18, and chose 4 verses about wisdom. The children illustrated the 4 verses, and made a cleverly designed hanging book, a wonderful reminder of the beauty and value of wisdom:


All you need to make a book like this is a sheet of white A3 paper, some coloured pencils, and some glue. Cut the A3 paper in half lengthways. You'll have 2 rectangles of paper.

Cut one of the pieces 36 cm long, and fold it into 8, into a concertina or fan shape. On each 1/4 section, draw a picture. Here are my son Ben's illustrations of the 4 Proverbs verses they chose:


Cut the other rectangle 28 cm long, fold 1 cm over at each end, then fold the 26 cm central section into 8, again in a concertina or fan shape. Hold the paper folded, and cut half an arch into the side with four folds and no ends (you'll get it when you see it). Open out the paper, and decorate the arches.

Here's Ben's decorated rectangle, with the 4 verses printed out and stuck on each section:

Put the short rectangle with the arches over the long rectangle (you'll see the 4 pictures through the arches), fold the 1 cm strips at the ends of the shorter rectangle over the ends of the longer rectangle, and glue the ends and upwards folded edges together, so that it looks like this:

Bring the two end together, and glue them. It will turn into a four-sided book, which you can hang from a string through the centre. From the top, it should look something like this:

Here's the 4 verses with my daughter Elizabeth's illustrations.

"Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace" (Proverbs 3:17).

"She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her" (Proverbs 3:15).

"Long life is in her right hand; in her left hand are riches and honour" (Proverbs 3:16).

"She is a tree of life to those who embrace her; those who lay hold of her will be blessed" (Proverbs 3:18).

Beautiful!

The book design is from a book about making books belonging to my friend - I'll get the details and add them here.

songs for the discouraged

Yesterday I was reminded of such a simple thing to do when you're feeling discouraged.

The black dog was sitting on my shoulder all day. It was one of those days all mothers are familiar with, when you feel like you spend all day mooching around the house, listlessly doing chores and responding to children's tantrums, but achieving nothing of any value. I did an hour or so's cleaning, but I also wasted vast acres of time: or that's how it felt.

By school pick-up time I'd lost any impetus I had when the day began. I was sitting, staring into space, close to tears, wondering how anyone - friends, family, God - could possibly love such a useless blot on the face of the earth as me.

While I was cooking dinner, I did something I haven't done for a while: I put on a Christian music CD. It happened to be Valley of Vision, but it could just have well have been Jars of Clay or City on a Hill. And - just like that! - the black dog turned tail and ran away, and my focus shifted from my own glooms and inadequacies, to Jesus' death on the cross for me, and his wonderful, amazing, irresistible grace.

I think I might add that to my list of things to do when you're depressed. Allowing others to preach the gospel to you when you're struggling to preach it to yourself: now there's wisdom.

John Piper on the Holy Spirit in the Trinity

While I'm taking a couple of weeks away from intensive blogging, and while you all get hold of Feminine Appeal and start reading it ;), I thought I'd tie up a couple of loose ends on my Enjoying God series.

It occured to me - and one of you pointed it out! - that in my post on how God feels about being God, I talked a lot about the Father and Son's delight in each other, but not much about the Holy Spirit. So I was excited when I read what Piper had to say about this topic during my morning reading:

I have stressed (from texts like Hebrews 1:3; Colossians 1:15; 2:9; Philippians 2:6; 2 Corinthians 4:4; and John 1:1) that the Son of God is the mirroring-forth of God the Father himself in his own self-consciousness. God has a perfectly clear and full idea of all his own perfections. This image of God is so complete and perfect that it is, in fact, the standing forth of God the Son, a person in his own right. ...

Now what about the Holy Spirit? I find it helpful to observe that the mind of God, as reflected in our own, has two faculties: understanding and will (with emotions being the more lively acts of the will). In other words, before creation God could relate to himself in two ways: God could know himself and God could love himself. In knowing himself he begot the Son, the perfect, full, and complete personal image of himself. In loving himself the Holy Spirit proceeded from the Father and the Son.

So the Son is the eternal image that the Father has of his own perfections, and the Holy Spirit is the eternal love that flows between the Father and the Son as they delight in each other.

How can this love be a person in his own right? Words fail, but can we not say that the love between the Father and the Son is so perfect, so constant, and carries so completely all that the Father and Son are in themselves that this love stands forth as a person in his own right?

John Piper A Godward Life pp. 73-4.

image is from stock.xchng

Valori on balancing home-making and ministry

I want to share with you this response to the question how do I balance home-making and ministry?. It's from a letter I received from Valori, the wife of Kenneth Maresco, one of the executive pastors at Josh Harris' Covenant Life Church, where C.J.Mahaney used to be the senior pastor. She talks about the example of Carolyn Mahaney, who wrote Feminine Appeal and gave the talks To Teach What is Good, which we'll be looking at together this term. Here's what she says:

I came from a background of a very strong “ministry” mentality. What I mean by that is that being a full-time minister was highly esteemed over, say, a “secular” job. It wasn’t necessarily stated that way, but that was what was clearly transferred. We were all young, zealous college students or recent graduates, and our passion was to spread the gospel. Full-time ministry seemed to be the most whole-hearted way to do it.

When I got married and moved from Guatemala to Maryland to be a part of the church here, I began to see a different model. The women seemed to be so content as wives, mothers, and homemakers. Carolyn Mahaney had young children, and although she was leading the women’s ministry and the pastors’ wives at the time, it was clear that her number one priority was her home. I began to understand more and more of the calling and value of being a wife and mother.

As I began to have children, Kenneth (my husband, of course) and I were leading a caregroup (what other people might call a small group or a house group), and I was busy leading the ladies and caring for the women within the group. Right before our third son was born, Kenneth became a pastor at Covenant Life, so I had 3 children 3 and under at the time that I was beginning my journey as a young pastor’s wife. Thankfully, I had the example of so many women around me who provided encouragement that I was doing the most important job I could be doing. There was never any pressure at all for me to feel that I should be doing more ministry outside the home. I mainly focused on caring for my children, having groups into our home, and being by Kenneth’s side to reach out in the public ministry contexts that he was a part of.

A few years later, however, the Lord graciously helped me see something that was in my heart and that was hindering me from enjoying the peace and contentment I should have been experiencing in my role. It was very simple, really, but I was blinded by the deceitfulness of my own sin at the time. A dear friend called me after I had been complaining about how hard it was with my three children (I’m sure I probably did it in a joking way in order not to be blatantly sinful!) and humbly shared with me that it didn’t seem that I was content with being a wife and mother. Was there, she asked, possibly some selfish ambition in my heart that wanted to do ministry for my own satisfaction and glory?

The answer for me was “yes.” (And I am definitely not saying that is what is going on in other people’s hearts.) I think it was because I still didn’t have a biblical conviction that what I was doing at home was really that significant to God or others. I think the “significant to God” issue was a matter of growing even more in biblical convictions, and the “significant to others” had a lot more to do with me and my own glory. Serving at home is a lot of serving in secret. It’s a lot of doing things that are constantly undone. It’s a lot of work on things that nobody notices unless they aren’t done. So part of my discontentment, if I was honest with myself, was that I wanted to be doing something that made me feel significant. Somehow I would get feeling significant mixed up in my mind with being significant even before the Lord, if that makes sense.

Since that time, through different teachings, repentance, and trials, I have seen the grace of God busy at work in my heart, and I can honestly say that I LOVE the primary ministry God has given me – loving and supporting my husband and loving and caring for my children!

I personally think that the error in thinking comes in when we form a dichotomy between ministry outside the home and ministry inside the home. Do I think there is inherently something more significant or important about leading a ladies’ meeting than I do about my service at home? If all of life is to be spent in service to God, any sphere of service he gives me is important to his kingdom, and Scripture is clear that serving in secret is esteemed by the Lord.

In really throwing myself into seeing this ministry of wife and mom as my number one priority and not seeing my life as being on hold for some time in the future when I will be able to really do something to serve the Lord full time, I have experienced great peace and contentment, and I have found it so much easier to wisely determine which outside ministry activities I am to pursue. And I have actually found that so much of my other ministry flows out of my ministry in my home. Believe me, there is never any shortage of opportunities to minister, and learning to live this way has mainly helped me to learn when I should say, “No.”

I think your friend mentioned that she wanted to know that she was not just being submissive, but that she was doing the right thing. I think the way I prefer to think about it is that, if I am asking for my husband’s input and following his leadership, I don’t need to worry about whether or not I’m doing the right thing because God has called me to be this man’s helper. If I have questions or disagreements about what I should be doing, we can always discuss those things and even bring other couples into the discussion if we can’t resolve something, but ultimately God has made his will known to me in that he has called me submit to my husband. Thankfully, I have a godly and humble husband, and what I most often need from him is help in knowing what he would see as a priority at different times. Sometimes he will say, “I don’t think this is something you should really devote your time to right now with all that is going on with the children,” and other times he may say, “I think this is pretty important, and even though it will be challenging to juggle with your responsibilities at home, I think it’s something you should do.” And there are times when he says, “I think it would be good if you could do this,” and I say, “What? Are you crazy? Do you know how busy I am?” Well, I don’t actually say those words, but what those times lead to is a discussion of whether or not it would truly be unwise for me to do that given my priorities at home, or whether I am just in unbelief at the time and need to trust that God will meet me as I pursue that course.

Overall, though, I would say that I have been able to look at ministry outside the home as simply another way I can serve the Lord when my priorities at home are in line. There has been a lot less striving when I can’t seem to do all I want to do, and a contentment based in faith in God. Even in the busiest seasons of my life with a new baby, home-schooling a new elementary student, and home-schooling through high school, I’ve seen God provide other ministry opportunities where I’ve been able to serve the women. However, now I don’t look at those as real or more important ministry anymore — just a different way to serve. That has been a big transformation for me, and I think it has been the result of the Lord helping me to humble myself and be content and thankful with where he has called me.

school holidays soundtrack

Our school holidays are about to finish here in Melbourne. We've had a great time, with outings to the Show and the park, visits to Grandma's and friends' houses, and lots of days playing at home.

Here's the soundtrack that greets me when I come in the door after my morning walk. You'll have to imagine all these sounds laid over each other concurrently. I think the Beetles called it the "wall of noise". If it's classical music you're into, think of it as counterpoint.

Elizabeth (9) and Ben (8) are playing Pokemon, and pretending to fight each other, laughing loudly:
Lizzy (shouting) - Metranome!
Ben (shouting) - Razer Punch!
Lizzy - Drowsy ... Drowsy ... Drowsy ...
Ben - Lavatar! Lavatar! Lavatar!
Lizzy - It didn't hurt, Ben. I use Screech Attack!
Ben - Poke Ball! Rolling Kick!
Lizzy - Slam Attack!
Ben - Body Slam! ... etc.

Thomas (5) is singing at the top of his voice:
Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall / Humpty Dumpty had a great fall / All the king's horses and all the king's men / Couldn't put Humpty together again.

Andrew (1) is singing a completely unrelated tune, while banging 2 cymbals together:
Da, da-da-da, da, da, da-da-da

And on that note, I leave you to return to the last days of our holidays (the kids go back to school on Tuesday). Imagine us in the noise, chaos, and mess, and you will know that we are (mostly) happy.

original picture of the Royal Melbourne Show is from September's calendar image by Elizabeth; she used oil pastels and watercolour