boys destroy

Thomas is playing at his friend Jack's house.

Thomas - We're going to destroy the whole world!
Jack - Yes, let's play that! Let's kill the whole world!

Thomas and Jack run outside, screaming.

5 minutes later Jenny and I go outside to check on our boys. We find them rolling lemons (which they're not supposed to pick) under the gate and onto the road.

Jean and Jenny - Boys, boys, stop that! Stop rolling lemons onto the road!
Thomas - Jack was the one who told me what to do. And I did it. (shades of Adam and Eve)
Jean - Well, you're not allowed to pick lemons, and you're not allowed to roll them under the gate.
Thomas - But we have to destroy the whole world! We have to destroy the cars!
Jean - We don't mind you pretending to destroy things, but don't roll lemons at the cars. Find something else to destroy. But don't use anything hard, don't pick lemons, don't throw things, and be gentle.

We go back inside.

5 minutes later we go back outside to see Thomas suspiciously carrying a lemon.

Jean - Thomas, why are you carrying a lemon?
Thomas - (indignantly) But we picked the lemons when Aunty Jenny wasn't watching!
Jean - Well, even when we can't see you, you're still not supposed to pick lemons. God can see you even when we can't. (always time for a sententious piece of theology)
Thomas - But we want to kill the whole world! What can we use to destroy things?
Jean - Let's find something soft that you can use to kill things. But not people, only things.
Thomas - Look! A piece of chalk! We'll use that to kill things! Look! (he draws on the concrete, giggling)
Jean - Ok, then, you can use that. But be gentle.

We go back inside.

5 minutes later we go back outside to find Thomas and Jack throwing dirt into the garage.

Thomas and Jack - We're destroying the garage!
Jean and Jenny - But you're not supposed to throw dirt into the garage!

Thomas and Jack are given brooms and helped to sweep up the garage. We go back inside.

5 minutes later we go back outside.

Jean - It's time to go now, Thomas. Did you have fun?
Thomas - (triumphantly) Well, Mummy, we didn't destroy the whole world, but at least we destroyed the garage!
Jean - Yes, very good honey, let's go home now.

You learn to be very unflappable when parenting boys.