grumbling vs lament

Following up on yesterday's post, here's a great link (thanks Anna!) to a blog post about complaining:

Grumbling and lament: how to complain faithfully.

It's really good reading. I know I'll be returning to it.

what I'm listening to: some words of wisdom from our pastor

During question time at church recently, our minister said something that was so helpful:

There's a difference between complaining about God and complaining to God.

It pretty much sums up most of the Psalms, doesn't it? A great reminder to deal with hardship with God and in the presence of God.

10 things that make me miserable

I wrote this in a black moment a couple of months ago, after my posts about 10 things that make me happy. Things are better now, but we had a bit of a tough start to the term, with a long run of flu and colds, and my head was filled with gloomy thoughts. So for all those frustrated by life's little annoyances, here's some of mine.

1. Yet another car trip with the kids all arguing in the car.
2. Our increasingly worn house, and not being able to fix it.
3. The weeds in the garden, and not having time to pull them out.
4. The way all the washing never seems to get folded and put away at once.
5. When I've just done 3 loads of washing, then I realise someone has wet their bed...again.
6. Insects that want to share our life and won't take "no" for an answer.
7. Children who insist it's not their turn or their fault or their responsibility.
8. Dirt, dust, grime, and the way it builds up when you're not looking - just after you've cleaned.
9. Clutter, and the way it builds up - just after you've tidied.
10. Illness and tiredness (yep, I know that's two).

So why did I post this jolly little list (against my better judgement, I might add, especially since God tells us not to mutter and complain - Phil 2:14-16 - and I know that there are millions of people with real problems)? For a couple of reasons:

• my single friend reminded me that sometimes it's good to hear life isn't always greener on the other of the fence
• we all struggle with the dragging, repetitive, annoying problems of life - with drudgery, futility and tiredness - and we need to know how to deal with it.

So how do we deal with it? Badly, if you're me! But it helps me to remember this is just how life is on this side of the Fall: thorny and thistly (Gen 3:18). It helps to realise I'm under attack, to fight the temptation to discontent and despair, and to cast my cares on God (Jam 4:7, 1 Pet 5:7). It helps to talk to friends who know what I'm going through, and to receive comfort and prayer (2 Cor 1:3-4). And in the back of my mind there's a few Bible verses that get me through:

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. (Gal 6:9)

I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. (Phil 4:12-13)

...we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Cor :16-18)

Heavenly Father, when I'm facing the small annoyances of life, help me to trust you, to stay thankful and faithful, to endure patiently, and to set my hope on heaven. Amen.

image is by the Italian voice from flickr

busyness, burnout and the grace of God (10) superwoman says 'yes'

April 2009. I've been saying 'yes' to every ministry opportunity: blogging, writing, speaking. I've just raced in the door after school-pickup, half-way through a term crammed to bursting. I watch myself with a kind of awed fascination. How many balls can I juggle before they fall to the ground? I'm about to be presented with another ministry opportunity I'll accept despite the advice of concerned friends: the last ball I get into the air before it all comes crashing down.

I get too busy when I ... try to be superwoman.

What I was thinking. "I can do this whole juggling act! I can keep these balls in the air! Let's see if I can fit one more thing in! Other women can manage it - why not me? If I say 'no' to these opportunities, who knows when they'll come again?"

What I'm learning.
I'm not that woman over there.
Like most women, I'm great at the comparison game! Some of my friends are energetic, extroverted women who raise children, work in challenging ministry jobs, and are far more involved in church and community than I will ever be. Other friends do all this and manage to be respected writers, theologians or conference speakers at the same time. They're my age, and they've achieved so much more than me! It's hard not to compare myself and feel worthless. I need to remember that...

God has made me just the way he wants me to be.
God knows my strengths and weaknesses (he made me!). He knows my energy levels and limitations (he gave them to me). He knows my temperament and the demands on my time (they were shaped by him). He's made me just the way he wants me to be, to do the work he's given me to do. He does nothing without a purpose, and his purposes are good. Rather than hanker after bigger and better things...

I'm learning to trust God and be content.
There are many reasons we can't do as much as we'd like. Some of us struggle with long-term illness. Some of us care for disabled children or sick family members. Some of us are in a demanding season of life, and aren't as physically or emotionally strong as we'd like to be (that's me). May God help us to trust him and to be content, for he's in control of our circumstances, and he is loving and wise.

Love defeats selfish ambition and envy.
What's really behind my longing to be more like my friends is envy and ambition. I see them achieving so much, and I want the recognition and respect that is theirs, and the energy and ease they seem to bring to life. It's time to examine my heart and uproot the bitter envy and self-centred ambition that have grown there. May God help me love my friends with a generous spirit, and to serve those around me even when it's unseen.

Superwoman is a myth.
Superwoman doesn't exist.* My friend isn't superwoman: she's just a sinner with her own struggles, and she has different gifts and has made different choices to me (despite appearances, no-one can do it all!). When I treat her like superwoman, I don't love and support her. I give glory to her rather than to God. I try so hard to be like her that I don't serve the people around me.

'No's give value to 'Yes's.
I'd like to believe I'm superwoman. I'd like to believe I can say 'yes' to every opportunity and do them all brilliantly. I tried to do just that for a while! But when I say 'yes' to everything, I do nothing well. I neglect my primary responsibilities. I'm constantly stressed and on edge. Eventually, things fall apart. Rather than say 'yes' to everything, I'd like to prayerfully and thoughtfully say 'yes' to a few things and do them well.

Life is not a performance and God isn't keeping score.
Grace. Grace. Grace. I can't shut up about it! And that's exactly how it should be. The reason I don't have to achieve everything, or perfect my performance, or despair when I drop a ball (which I do every day!), is the grace of God. I don't have to be superwoman. I don't have to perform. I'm an ordinary sinner justified by grace, not by what I do. When God looks at me, he doesn't see my failure and weakness: he sees me clothed in his grace.

* With thanks to Rachel for the ideas in this paragraph.

images are from garryknight, K. awyer, hansvandenberg30 and Dean Ayres at flickr; 3rd image is from stock.xchng

when enough is enough (some thoughts on tenacity)

For all who find that tenacity sometimes get the better of godliness.

My children are squabbling. My 4-year-old needs his breakfast. My 7-year-old is playing up to get my attention. My 10-year-old has been on the computer too long. My 12-year-old wants me to help her find something. My husband has just asked me a question.

Me? I'm preparing a Bible study / reading a Christian book / writing a blog post / pursuing an interesting train of thought. I need to study a few more verses / finish my chapter (and then another) / get this paragraph right / work out what it is I'm thinking. I've run out of concentration / read more than I can bear / written more than I have time to /twisted my brain into knots, but I know I can finish this off / go one more / get this right / figure this out.

Meanwhile, things are falling apart on the home front, I've worked myself into a state of irritatable exhaustion, and everyone's frustrated because I can't hear a word they're saying.

Tenacity is a Christian virtue. Commitment to relationships, perseverance through suffering, the disciplined pursuit of godliness, a life lived for Christ to the very end - we could all do with more tenacity of this kind:

determination, firmness of purpose, perseverance, persistence, purpose, resolve, steadfastness.

Tenacity is not a Christian virtue when it shades into this set of synonyms:

inflexibility, intransigence, obtinacy, stubbornness, wilfulness.

In my case, it's blended with a few other character traits (I'm sure you can come up with your own):

• tenacity - the stubborn determination to get something done, however long it takes
• perfectionism - a commitment to getting everything exactly right, whatever the cost
• vagueness - the academic's ability to ignore everyone and everything around them while pursuing a line of thought
• workaholism - an inability to trust God and rest.

Hmmm...sounds just a little too familiar...

A few months ago, after a week of this, I knew something had to change. I went for a walk, sat by the lake near my parents' place, stared out across the water, and prayed. I asked God for a little more wisdom, a little more trust, a little more rest. When I returned to the car, I wrote a new resolution in my journal:

Enough is enough. The world won't fall apart just because I don't push myself as hard as I can. It's time to listen to the small voice of conscience saying "Get off the computer and rest", "Stop reading and serve", "Put it aside until later". Learn when to stop. Trust God. Everything and all is in his hands. Rest in his love, grace and sovereignty. Recharge. Refuel. Take refuge.

Because sometimes enough is enough.

Synonyms are from thesaurus.com combined with definition from thefreedictionary.com.

images are from khrawlings, Dana Lookadoo - Yo Yo SEO and Cuba Gallery - Now on Twitter! from flickr

woman to woman (6b) getting practical: everday ideas for women encouraging women

Here are some more suggestions for women encouraging women, this time for those of you who have an official (or unofficial) role in your church facilitating relationships between older and younger women.

2. As the facilitator

• Speak respectfully about older women in your church. Model this respect to others.
• Build bridges between younger women and older women in your church. Organize mixed gatherings. Prompt older women to contact younger women. Include women of different ages in prayer partnerships and Bible study groups.
• Organize seminars for women with speakers you can trust. Run a book club for women. If you run a Bible study, occasionally run topical studies on areas of interest to women.
• Remember how isolated many single and childless women feel. Run women's events and Bible studies at times that suit working women. Organize get-togethers for women without obvious friendship groups.
• Train women in Titus 2 ministry and mentoring. If you don't have the skills to train them, find someone who does and ask them to lead a training day at your church.
• Mentor a younger woman and encourage her to mentor someone else.

Any other ideas?

With thanks to my friend Jenny, who came up with the idea for this post.

image is from sashamd at flickr

what I'm reading: one moment with the cross from Octavius Winslow

Here's a quote that sums up everything I've learnt about change during the last two years - and a personal favourite.

One moment’s believing, close contact with the cross will do more to break the heart for sin, deepen the conviction of its exceeding sinfulness, and disenthrall the soul from all its bondage and its fears, bringing it into a sense of pardon and acceptance and assured hope, than a lifetime of the most rigid legal duties that ever riveted their iron chain upon the soul.

Quote is from Octavius Winslow The Foot of the Cross HT Of First Importance.

image is from Jules.K at flickr

the importance of shoelaces

Thomas has 3 dreams for when he grows up. He tells me,

"I want to be:

• a digger (he and his school friends were happily digging a hole in the ground at playtime until this wonderful game was forbidden)
• a band-player (Thomas' most treasured ambition is still to play the drums)
• a sports teacher (sport being his favourite class at school)."

There's a problem with the last one, though. The other day he said, in heart-wrenching tones, "Mummy, I don't think I can be a sports teacher because I don't have shoelaces!"

Oh, dear! I never realised I was defeating Thomas' ambitions by insisting he has Velcro on his runners for ease of doing-up.

Once Thomas gets shoelaces, all his dreams will come true. On that day, he tells me, he will be good at sport and fast at running.

It makes you wonder what other problems could be solved through the simple application of a pair of shoelaces.

woman to woman (6a) getting practical: everday ideas for women encouraging women

Here's a brilliant list of suggestions for older women seeking to encourage younger women. My friend Jenny, queen of lists, came up with this one. Add your own ideas!

What's your place in women's discipleship? Do you see yourself as a young woman, an older woman, or a facilitator of discipleship relationships between younger and older women? It's likely you fit all three categories! Whichever group you belong to, here's some practical suggestions.

1. As the older woman

• Talk about yourself. Share your life, thoughts, and struggles. Let younger women “see your progress” (1 Tim 4:15).
• Ask lots of questions. Listen. Be interested. Be slow to give unsolicited advice.
• Tell women what you've been reading or thinking about. They might not say much, but they are listening.
• Keep on hand some favourite books to lend or give away. Ask follow-up questions. Read a book about womanhood with a younger woman.
• Share how you read the Bible and pray. Talk about how you deal with temptations to worry or gossip.
• Invite women into your home. Let them see how you run things. Teach a young woman how to make and keep a budget. Don't try to make your house look perfect.
• If you're married, welcome a single woman into your family, especially on difficult occasions like New Year's Eve. Let her see your struggles so she doesn't idolize marriage and family life.
• If you're single, model godliness in long-term singleness: show how your trust remains firmly in the Lord and how you serve him in your circumstances. Model godly relationships with the opposite sex.
• Give practical help to younger women. Look after a single mum's kids. Ask an international student over for dinner. Visit a depressed woman every week. Clean or do a load of washing for others during times of stress.
• Enlist young women's help in helping others. Spend a day together cooking casseroles for people in your church. Visit an old peoples' home. Teach Sunday school together.
• Be generous with praise and encouragement: “It's great seeing you reaching out to women at work” or “Your children are a delight. You're doing just fine; hang in there.” But don't flatter for the sake of it.
• Be intentional when you go to church. Sit next to a younger woman and ask how she's going as a Christian. Pray for the women at church.
• Befriend the teenage girls in your church. Go to the young people's service.
• Be involved in women's lives. Ring them up. Remember their details and ask about them.
• Write a younger woman an encouraging note, telling her how you've seen her grow in godliness.
• Call a young woman each week and ask how you can pray for her.

Any other ideas?

These suggestions are based on a list created by my friend Jenny Moody, with input from Carmelina Read, Alison Payne and Karen Beilharz. I've also drawn on Susan Hunt's Spiritual Mothering, an excellent source of practical ideas for women's ministry to women.

image is from dr. zaro at flickr

not needing the "why"

There's an interesting little verse in 1 Peter: "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time." It's the lesser-known twin to this verse: "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." (1 Pet 5:6-7)

When life gets messy, it's time to humble myself under God's hand. It's time to acknowledge that I don't understand it all, but that I know that God does. It's time to beg God for deliverance, and trust him to deliver me when the time is right. It's time to look to him for comfort and strength to endure. It's time to cast my cares on him.

Life is messy. It's exhausting and, at times, horrible. But God hasn't lost the plot. Nothing that happens to me is senseless. I don't need to know the "why". I don't need to understand the problem so I can create a solution. I don't need to know how to fix it. What I do need is to know is that God is in control, loving me every step of the way.

image is from Cecilia Levy at flickr